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5MV Update History

maintained by Zeke

MAY 2004


June 1

Here's a scene from "Harbinger," coming soon to a theater near that guy over there:

Hayes: Sir, I've looked at your proposed schedule for the training sessions...
Reed: Do you have some objection?
Hayes: You didn't schedule any. All you did was scrawl "RACHE" over a blank timetable. In blood.
Reed: It's German for "revenge."
Hayes: I'm sure we can find a compromise. How about Tuesdays and Thursdays?
Reed: Sure, let me write that down. "Revenge... on Tuesdays... and Thursdays."

Sorry about the slowdown in Enterprise Week -- it's attributable to RL stuff which fortunately isn't continuing past today. Meanwhile, here's a link: one of my favourite Angel commentators, Jennifer-Oksana, has declared June to be Lilah Month. A lot of interesting stuff will be appearing at that LJ over the next 30 days, so if you like Lilah (or like despising her, or both), keep an eye.


June 2

"Harbinger" is now up. You should see the blurbs I rejected for this one.

And today being June 2, we all wish a very happy birthday to Kira -- DON'T WE? (glare) Seriously, there's a happy birthday thread here, so stop by. There'll be a present at 5MV from me (and not a Top 10 list for once), but it's part of an upcoming event, so you can't see it now.



June 3

"Doctor's Orders" is on the go; expect it tomorrow. Meanwhile, I should give you a link. Hmm. How about Eric Conveys an Emotion? Oh, you've heard of that? Okay, here's another one -- George W. Bush or Chimpanzee?. I'm a Bush supporter, and even I think these photos are hilarious.


June 4

Again I said tomorrow! Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day... anyway, here's a preview from "Doctor's Orders," now 75% done.

T'Pol: We've detected another transdimensional anomaly like the one last week. It's huge and right in our way.
Archer: Deliberate interference from the sphere-builders or writer fiat? Hmmm....
T'Pol: Either way, we can't afford to waste time going around it. Fortunately, Dr. Phlox has a plan.
Phlox: As you know, these anomalies are deadly to humans. But you could survive if I rendered you all comatose. Because a mindless physical phenomenon cares whether you're awake or not.
Archer: Could you handle being the One running the ship for a while?
Phlox: Please, Captain. We all know I really run the ship anyway.


June 5

And here's "Doctor's Orders." Fans of a certain videogame series that IJD GAF and I are freaks about will enjoy this one.



June 6

Item 1: preview from "Hatchery."

T'Pol: It appears the insectoids did not die on impact. They transferred their life support to the hatchery. Then they died of boredom.
Archer: I guess the Russians love their children too.
Tucker: You mean the insectoids?
Archer: Yeah, the Russian insectoids. In Soviet Russia, insect oids you.
Tucker: Uh... huh. Anyway, I assume we're resumin' course for Azati Prime?
Archer: Right after we save the bugs. Get started on fixing their life support.
T'Pol and Tucker: Huh?
Archer: Should I speak slower? Gggggeeeeetttt ssssttttaaarrrrtttteeeeddd....

Item 2: I think today is IJD GAF's birthday! I'm not absolutely certain, so I'll save the birthday present till I've checked. (Yes, that's code for "it's not done yet.")

Item 3: If you've noticed that the last few Enterprise fivers aren't listed in 5ME pages, you don't need to tell me -- I'm aware. I haven't been updating those pages because I'm almost done implementing the PHP system, which will take care of that automatically. Thank you to those who've notified me, though.

Item 4: On a serious note, by now you've all probably heard that President Ronald Reagan is dead. When I was born, the Cold War was still on, but it ended before I was old enough to know what it was about. I owe that more to Reagan than to any other individual person. Because of his efforts, today I can watch a show about a Temporal Cold War without feeling the chill of remembered fear. 5MV salutes you, Mr. Reagan -- rest in peace.


June 7

I was working like a Roman slave today (literally -- my Mom was running an event for her Latin class), so you'll have to settle for a link. Settle, damn you!

Death to the Extremist is a minimalist comic starring two quarter-circles, One and Two. It's got the wit of Triangle and Robert without the plot arcs, so it's easier to get into. (But get into Triangle and Robert anyway.) Give it a browse.


June 8

It's "Hatchery"! Stay tuned -- everything hits the fan next fiver. We're building to a climax in both the season and the Travis/Hoshi subplot. (Of course, you know where it's going to end up if you've read "Countdown"... or do you?)



June 9

No new content today because I have two events tomorrow to get ready for: a 5MV event and my convocation. If you want to be creeped out in the meantime, go visit 99 Rooms.


June 10

Welcome to the first birthday party of Five-Minute Deep Space Nine! Before one year ago, we did have DS9 fivers, but the section wasn't a regular producer like 5MST or 5MNG and didn't have a section head. It always bugged me that this one Trek series didn't get the status the others had at 5MV, even though we were all fans of it. That was one problem -- the other was what to do with Derek Dean. Since around August 2002, Derek had been writing fivers so fast we thought he had to be getting his brains fried by a psychic vampire muse thing on the side. Like Kira before him, he didn't ask to join the staff, he wrote his way into it. So we had a subsite without a head and a prospective staffer without a subsite -- Occam's Razor, anyone?

5MD has prospered under Derek's leadership, and we're all proud to see it reach the one-year mark. So, as we at 5MV are wont to do, we've prepared a little celebration of the anniversary. Over the next three days (counting today), we'll be publishing nine DS9 fivers. To kick things off, Derek has done the three-episode Eddington/Maquis arc: "For the Cause," "For the Uniform," and "Blaze of Glory."

You'll also notice some changes at 5MD itself -- it's the latest subsite to get the PHP treatment. I've fine-tuned and added a lot of details to the fiver pages; as much as possible has been automated. The season pages have a new look, and the front page has been converted to the "menu" style of the other Trek subsites. Poke around; you'll find some interesting changes. (Not everything is filled in yet, most notably the blurbs, but they're coming.)

So raise a raktajino to 5MD -- one year strong, with many enemies yet to conquer in glorious battle -- and make sure to come back today and Saturday.



June 11

The 5MD event continues today with a trilogy of fivers from Nic Corelli: "The Storyteller," "The Forsaken," and "Dramatis Personae." Yep, those are all from Season 1. What can I say? Nic's a minimalist chef -- he only uses one seasoning.



June 12

There's been a slight delay with the conclusion of our 5MD birthday event; I'll post it tomorrow, as early as I can.


June 13

We're back with the third and final day of the 5MD first-anniversary event. The first day was Derek Dean's show, the second Nic Corelli's, and today goes to the guest writers. First up is "The Way of the Warrior," by me. Next, Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged makes his 5MD debut with "Battle Lines." Finally, something I guarantee you weren't expecting -- a new WYCBT fiver! (For those who don't know, WYCBT is the DS9 equivalent of VVS8 -- read the original Five-Minute Deep Space Nine article for the full story.) Nell's been a little busy, so this one's by one of her fellow WYCBT writers, Sharon Monroe. The episode is "Linked."

This concludes our event. Great first year, Derek -- now let's have another one. Chop chop.



June 14

Brief break today. Go watch Mega Man dance.


June 15

Halifax is a nice town. I'll be there from the 16th to the 21st for the Canadian Undergraduate Mathematics Conference, which is just what it sounds like. I don't know what kind of computer access I'll have while I'm there, so just in case, if you contact me, don't expect to hear from me until the 21st.

Kira's going to keep you entertained while I'm gone. Bribery will get you far.


June 16

Greetings all, and welcome back to the Kira channel: all fivers, all the time.

Today I bring you a pair of fivers, and a unique pair at that. First up is Five-Minute "Pen Pals" from Derek Dean. What makes it unique is that it's accompanied by Five-Minute "Thine Own Self" by MmeBlueberry -- otherwise known as Derek's lovely wife Amanda, making this 5MV's very first husband and wife fiving duo.

Enjoy, and I'll be back tomorrow with more of our 5MNG clearance sale.



June 17

I know I was bragging yesterday about "all fivers, all the time" but I've changed my mind. (Ha! Power is sweet.) Come back tomorrow for another NextGen fiver. In the meantime, I was going to suggest you all go beat up Canadian politicians with hammers at Whack the PM but the site appears to be down at the moment. Keep trying, though, because they all really, really deserve it.


June 18

Here's the next 5MNG guest fiver to be pulled from its dusty hiding place in the backlog: easily one of my favorite Next Generation episodes of all time, Admiral Sab brings us Five-Minute "Rascals."



June 19

No new material today, I'm afraid. I'm currently smack in the middle of trying to move (operative word trying, due to unavailability of reinforcements before tomorrow), without my laptop (or as I call it, "My Precioussss"), and behind on several site projects that should have been done weeks ago. (Yes, this is still Kira, not Zeke. Shocking, I know.)

I'll be back tomorrow or, if moving and Father's Day intervene, Monday with something new for you.


June 21

Sorry for the delay. Moving into a third-floor apartment, although eliminating noisy upstairs neighbors with creaky bed, is a pain in more ways than one. Today's accomplishment: being able to walk without a limp.

To make up for my absence, I have not one but two new TNG fivers for you. The first is from return guest fivist Wowbagger, who brings us "In Theory." It's joined by a contribution from another familiar face: Wade the Sane Commodore's second fiver, this time for "Interface."



June 22

Zeke here (thanks, Kira). I have returned with pie for all! Sorta. I've returned, and there's pie for all, but I don't actually have the pie. You'll have to get it yourself. Remember, Zeke pies those who pie themselves.

Anyway, it's time I answered a question that some of our readers have probably been wondering about. (Actually, it was time to answer that question before I left. Ah well.) You may remember that last year we decided on June 15 as 5MV's more-or-less official anniversary, since I don't know the exact date I created the site. If so, you may have found it odd that our annual anniversary theme week hasn't started yet. Rest assured, it's very much in progress, but we've had some behind-the-scenes difficulties; Real Life has been keeping the staff even busier than usual. So we're taking an extra month or so to make sure we get the event as good as it can be. I'll give you an exact date once it's decided on. Till then, we've got lots of other content to post (for example, Enterprise Week-Like Thing isn't over yet), so you'll be kept busy too.


June 23

While I'm getting back in gear, here's a link on a favourite subject of mine, courtesy of Alexia: Pieism. Its followers are very pieous. (Ba-dum bum.)


June 24

Today's update: I've archived the May news entries. Yeah, shut up. I'm still jet-lagged.


June 25

No content today, but there's something almost ready to go for a subsite you haven't seen in a while. Look for that hopefully tomorrow. For today, go read a particularly good No 4th Wall to Break.


June 26

This isn't the item I mentioned yesterday (I'm still waiting to hear from the author), but I have got something for you. Here's the first new Cheeser in a while -- new to you folks, at least.

Back when I did that first The O. C. fiver during the Cheese event, I linked to it at the Television Without Pity forums. (You guys know TWoP, right? Awesome, awesome site.) The fiver made a real splash there, so naturally I thought about doing more. This was during a period when I was having trouble getting my mental gears turning for ENT fivers; I figured I might as well be fiving something, and maybe it would get me back in shape. More to the point, I had hoped to do more O. C. anyway. I think the show is (a) great, and (b) eminently mockable -- the best possible combination in a fiving target. (See also Enterprise.)

So in that period between Cheese Week and Enterprise "Week," I ended up doing two more OCvers. The first was a birthday present for a friend and fellow O. C. fan (I'll pull it out on some other rainy day); the second was for a recent episode at the time, "The Proposal." I think my plan was a success, because it was shortly after the latter that I got back in gear with 5ME. A gear which, don't worry, I remain in -- the final four are very much in progress. But till then, hope you enjoy this.



June 27

And here's the item I promised: Five-Minute Voyager in danger of cancellation?, which marks both This Just In's fortieth issue and Derek Dean's first. Yes, there's a part of the site Derek hadn't gotten to yet! Amazing, no? I think you'll find it was worth the wait.

It's been a really slow year for TJI so far, but it's going to pick up now -- I have a couple of articles in the works, and TJI is getting even cooler new PHP features than the other subsites. Stay tuned.



June 28

Today you get a comment about site organization. Some of you may have wondered if the Five-Minute Cheese logo is going to keep its overly-prominent place on the front page. The answer: no. I put it there temporarily so people who had heard about that event would be able to find it easily. The reason I've left it there is that there's little point in moving it right now -- a major site reorganization is about to happen anyway as part of the fourth anniversary event.

Why a reorganization? Because this site is huge, folks. In the 2½ years since Version 3.0 debuted, our content has multiplied at (say it with me) Ludicrous Speed. The current subsite system is straining now under two pressures: the sheer amount of material, and the appearance of hard-to-classify things like the Cheese. We've had to use imperfect fixes like the minisite system at Sci-Fivers.

So it's time for Version 4.0. I've come up with a new organizational scheme for the site; there'll still be subsites, and none of the material is going away, but the arrangement will be more elegant in a lot of ways. You'll see what I mean when v4.0 is unveiled at the fourth anniversary event.


June 29

Zeke's Better Judgment: Remember, don't talk about the election. Just... don't. Seriously.

Zeke: Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's update.

So... um....

ARRRRRRRRRRGH! What is WRONG with this stupid country! How was 11 years of this crap not enough for Canada? Why, why did --

Zeke's Better Judgment: Ahem!

I mean, um, how 'bout those Leafs, eh?

Zeke's Better Judgment: Sorry, folks. You'd better just come back tomorrow after he's cooled down a bit.


June 30

Here's a new TOS fiver, the first from Season 3 in a while. PointyHairedJedi makes his second appearance on the site (not counting TJI, where he's a frequent quotee) with "Spectre of the Gun."


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Five-Minute Voyager and subsites are © Colin Hayman.