Kira: We've searched Level 17. It's not there.|
Bashir: Where could It possibly be?
Sisko: Julian! Look out! It's behind you!
Odo: (tags Bashir) You're It.
Sisko: Another loss. We have to be better prepared -- the Dominion could declare Changeling Tag any time. Schedule another random drill.
Kira: Do you want a random drill or a scheduled drill? Make up your mind.
Sisko: How's your soufflé?
Kasidy: (turning green) It's good.
Sisko: Sorry. I've had a lot on my mind lately. The Dominion, the Cardassians... everything but hair, really.
Kasidy: Don't worry so much. Things are bound to start calming down.
Jadzia: (over the comm) Ops to Sisko. Klingons.
Kasidy: Yep, annnny minute now.
Martok: (over the comm) Greetings, honoured Federation allies! May my men come aboard for shore leave?
Martok: Excellent. Decloak the fleet!
Sisko: Fleet? Oh well, how bad can it --
193 Skrillion Klingon Ships: Hello.
Sisko: You know, you'll have an interesting time trying to find a shore on this station....
Martok: Too late. You said yes. Hahaha.
Quark: This is insane. My bar is full of Klingons and it's quiet.
O'Brien: Clearly they're plotting to kill you.
Quark: No, I'm very familiar with the sound of people plotting to kill me, and this isn't it. They're plotting something else.
Bashir: Maybe we'd better eavesdrop. Hmmm... I think I heard the word "honour"....
Quark: See? Nothing to do with me.
Sisko: (slashes hand with knife) Ow. There, are you satisfied that I'm not a changeling?
Martok: Indeed. A changeling would be too wimpy to cut himself.
Sisko: So what really brings you here, General?
Martok: The High Council has sent us to help you fight the Dominion in glorious battle!
Sisko: But the Dominion's been quiet lately. They're not even returning our calls.
Martok: They are waiting for the right moment. They have call waiting.
Kira: Jadzia, this holosuite program was a nice thought, but I'm not really in the mood for Trill spa treatments with all these Klingons around.
Jadzia: Yeah, the situation has us all worried.
Kira: No, I mean the room is actually full of Klingons.
Jadzia: Oh, them? They're part of the program. I like Klingons.
Garak: So that drink is actually part of you?
Odo: Mm-hm. I got the idea from Dr. Bashir; apparently his tennis racket is an extension of his arm.
Garak: I think you may have misinterpreted him. Hey, are those Klingons hassling Morn?
Odo: Uh oh. Must have been something he said.
Drex: Why don't you make me stop interrogating passers-by?
Odo: I'm the chief of security here. Whether you like changelings or not, you have to respect my authori-tah.
Drex: Very well. We will kill only your Cardassian friend.
Odo: No you won't!
Odo: You're not helping.
Garak: Oh good, my first customers of the day. How can I help you... four... Klingons?
Garak: I'm afraid that's on back-order -- OW!
Bashir: Boy, you really took a beating. Why aren't you pressing charges?
Garak: My dear doctor, I spend all day slaving over a hot iron pressing garments. Anything more would be pressing my luck.
Bashir: Hmm, déjà vu. I think I heard a joke like that from an Orion pirate once.
Garak: You've been among such unsavoury types as pirates? I'm impressed.
Kira: We're still not sure exactly how many Klingon ships there are. They keep cloaking and decloaking and firing on Captain Yates' freighter.
Kira: Oh yeah, that was the other thing I was supposed to tell you.
Jadzia: The Klingon ship has the freighter in a tractor beam.
Sisko: Hail them! You Klingon bastards, this is Ben Sisko of the Federation starship so much more powerful than yours it's not funny. Release my floozy!
Kasidy: (over the comm) Excuse me?
Sisko: ...Dax, did you hail the freighter instead of the Klingons?
Jadzia: All you said was "them"!
Sisko: Fire a warning shot, then hail the Klingons.
Captain Kaybok: (over the comm) What? Whaaaaaat? We're just searching for shapeshifters.
Sisko: You don't have time to play Check the Changeling. Because in five seconds I'm going to fire our spiffy new quantum torpedoes, and if you're still there, it's your problem.
Kaybok: Five seconds? You took that long making your threat!
Sisko: Good point. Fire all --
Kaybok: All right, all right, I'm going.
Kasidy: (over the comm) Thanks, Ben.
Sisko: All in a day's work. I would have done this for any innocent freighter captain.
Kira: What about the twelve freighters the Klingons seized before this one that you didn't do anything about?
Sisko: They were all guilty of things.
Jadzia: The Klingons have retreated outside Bajoran space. Now we can't touch 'em.
Sisko: They'd just better not --
Martok: (storms in, slams dagger into the desk, storms out)
Sisko: Uh oh. What was that about?
Jadzia: This is Kaybok's dagger. He's sending you a message.
Sisko: What message?
Jadzia: "Here, have this dagger."
Sisko: I think I know what to do. Curzon once told me that the only ones who can handle Klingons are Klingons.
Jadzia: He said that about the Dutch.
Sisko: I was paraphrasing.
Worf: (steps onto the station dramatically)
O'Brien: (over the comm) Worf! Worf, you fool! You're supposed to step onto the inside of the station!
Worf: What? I -- I -- (starts turning blue)
O'Brien: Hang on, I'll beam you inside. You're bloody lucky you have friends in low ranks.
Sisko: Welcome to Deep Space Nine.
Worf: Yeah, whatever.
Sisko: I was sorry to hear about the Enterprise. I know that ship meant a lot to you.
Worf: Oh, yes. It meant a surrendering captain and a vapid counsellor and an invincible chatterbox of an android and the children, oh Kahless, the CHILDREN! ARRRRRGH!
Sisko: I can see this is a sore subject. I just hope you won't mind helping us out for a while.
Worf: Well, this had better be worth my time. I was busy hiding out at the Boreth monastery waiting for my problems to solve themselves.
O'Brien: Let me introduce you to others. This is Julian, our Riker wannabe.
Worf: He wants to be Riker?
O'Brien: There's no accounting for taste. And speaking of tasty, here are the two women in our nine-person cast.
Worf: Do you always dress like princesses?
Kira: Sorry. Jadzia insisted I try her My Little Pony holoprogram.
Worf: Jadzia? As in the current host of Curzon Dax? His name is well known on Qo'noS. People are always saying "A Curzon you!"
Jadzia: Pleased to meet you. I'm sure we'll get along great.
Bashir: (Uh oh. Those two are hitting it off.)
O'Brien: (Don't worry, Julian. Worf may hold a girl's interest for a while, but Riker always gets her back eventually.)
Worf: You are Drex, son of Martok.
Drex: That's r-- OW!
Worf: What kind of stupid name is that for a Klingon? You don't deserve this dagger, you fuzzy warthog person.
Martok: You took my son's d'k tahg!
Worf: Just getting your attention. (stabs it into the table)
Martok: I will have this dagger, thank you.
Worf: So what's the fleet really doing here? You can tell a fellow Klingon.
Martok: You're right. Show me one and I'll tell him.
Holographic Monster: GAK!
Jadzia: Wow, you killed it and it wasn't even alive. I take it things didn't go well with Martok?
Worf: That d'soKd'paCh! I will never get along with him!
Jadzia: Then try asking someone you do get along with.
Worf: I don't think Chief O'Brien knows why the fleet is here.
Jadzia: Think harder.
Huraga: Why the fleet is here? Well... I suppose I can tell you. You did get me drunk and all.
Worf: I pride myself on my honourable tactics.
Odo: So, what did you learn?
Worf: Never to try and match drinks with a Klingon. Wait, how did you know I learned something?
Odo: I've basically been spying on you. You have your honourable tactics, I have mine.
Sisko: Cardassia? Why would the locusts be heading towards Cardassia?
Worf: There's been a coup. The military government has been replaced with a civilian one.
Sisko: And the Klingons are invading because they think the Dominion's responsible?
Worf: That, and civilian governments are easier to conquer.
Martok: Okay, you got us. We're planning to go kick the q'rAp out of Cardassia. But there are obviously changelings there! When has a government ever been overthrown without help from shapeshifters?
Sisko: If that's all the proof you have, the Federation can't possibly support you!
Martok: So who needs you? We can kick perfectly well on our own. Have you seen our boots?
Kira: Did you talk Martok out of it?
Sisko: He's thinking it over.
O'Brien: Sir, the Klingon fleet just went to warp. Their heading is straight for Cardassia.
Sisko: He'll decide annnny minute now.
Bashir: This is bad.
Worf: You don't know the half of it. I think my people are having a wave of Original Series nostalgia.
O'Brien: You mean we could be next?
Worf: And after you, those damn Organians.
Sisko: Well, Starfleet hasn't taken an official position yet. So we need to figure out something unofficial to do. Something... sneaky.
Quark: (over the comm) Did I hear someone call me?
Sisko: Close, but no. Get Garak.
Garak: You want me to take your measurements during a meeting? I assume you'll be ordering a crazy suit.
Sisko: Sure. Anyway, back to business. Worf, how many ships did you say the Klingons were sending to Cardassia to beat it up?
Worf: About 900.
Worf: Wait, I miscounted. 901.
Garak: The Klingons are coming! The Klingons are coming!
Dukat: (over the comm) You've told us that five times now as a joke.
Garak: I swear it's true this time!
Dukat: All right, I'll mobilize the fleet again. But if you're lying, you're officially the Boy Who Cried Worf.
Kira: According to Klingon transmissions we intercepted, the fleet is meeting with resistance.
Jadzia: Gee, I wonder who tipped off the Cardassians? Wink, wink.
Kira: Well, I wonder how we intercepted their transmissions. Did the messages take a detour on their way from one ship to another to come all the way out here?
Sisko: The Federation has declared the Klingon invasion officially "bad."
O'Brien: The Klingons won't like that.
Worf: No kidding. You don't want to know what that means in Klingon.
Sisko: Unfortunately, you're right. Gowron has torn up the Khitomer Accords. By all accounts, he spat on them and called them "bad."
Jadzia: You mean we're not at peace anymore? But I like Klingons!
Gowron: (over the comm) And we like you. With ketchup.
Sisko: Gowron! This is an unexcepted pleasure. See how I'm fearing your creepy eyes?
Gowron: (over the comm) Do not try to flatter me, human! I would speak with Worf! ALONE!
Sisko: By definition, if you're speaking with someone, you're not alone.
Gowron: I am SO not going to miss being allies with you people.
Worf: It is good to see you again, Gowron.
Gowron: And you, Worf! We should really spend more time together. I have something in mind.
Worf: Would it get me kicked out of Starfleet? Like everything else you ever suggest to me?
Gowron: Maybe. Come with us to Cardassia!
Worf: Can I think about it?
Gowron: Sure. Take as long as you need for five seconds.