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Five-Minute "Linked"

by Sharon Monroe

Kira: Hi! Who are you guys?
Founder Laas: I'm Laas. I hate you, but I'm sick with the Founder's disease so I didn't have any choice but to come here. Where's Julian?
Founder D'kem'ir: I'm D'kem'ir. I hate all solids too, but I look like a sexy green Orion slave girl that everybody notices instead of turning myself into a Horta that none of you would pay any attention to. Where's Julian?
Founder Arlamar: I'm Arlamar, the sweet and innocent one and I really kinda like you solids, but please don't talk to me because I wanna be just like the other Founders and they'll get mad if I talk to you. Where's Julian?
Kira: We got a problem. Julian's not here.
Doc Monrow: We got a bigger problem. Neither is the cure.

Kira: Since Julian's not here, I'd better get Odo to deal with these guys.
Kaoron: I could go.
Kira: Nah, that's not the kind of O/K the readers wanna see.

Kira: Hey, Odo, which do you like better, my sexy party dress or my snazzy new uniform?
Odo: Eh, I think I'll take a nap.
Kira: I can see this is gonna to be an exciting trip.

Laas: You've cured us! Of course, if the solids hadn't created the disease, you wouldn't have had to.
Odo: Julian didn't create the disease.
Laas: But he woulda.
Odo: Would not.
Laas: Join my New Link and say that!
Odo: No.

Quark: Hey, Odo, welcome back to the bar. Let me sic my Dabo girls on you. Gonna stick around?
Odo: No.

Monrow: So, Odo, will you stick around so I can examine you and the other Founders and tell you how much I admire Julian?
Odo: No.

Emyn: Hi, Odo, I'm not sure I trust you or the other Founders either, but since you're here I may as well talk to you. I suppose you'll stick around and take over my office?
Odo: No.

Kira: Well, Odo, now I've told you everything that's happened while you've been gone, and that I still care about you. Will that convince you to stick around?
Odo: No.

Vic: Odo, pally, glad to see ya, Quark told me to sing your favorite songs and make ya feel all nostalgic and romantic. Will that make ya stick around?
Odo: No.
Quark: Drat!
Odo: Was someone listening at the door?

Vic: On to Plan B?
Quark: You were Plan B.

Kira: Why do people keep talking about Julian, anyway?
Odo: It's a way to bring him into the story without him actually being here.
Kira: In that case, wanna talk about O'Brien too?
Odo: Not really.

Nog: Help! The green Orion slave girl Founder hit on one of my engineers and then tried to run me down!
Kira: Tell your engineer to keep his hands to himself.
Nog: But what about me?
Kira: You keep your hands to yourself too.
Endar: Orion slave girl cooties, ewh!

Laas: So, Odo, what do we have to do to convince you to go with us and join our New Link? I can get all philosophical and engage you in intellectual debates.
Odo: Meh.....
D'kem'ir: I can act all physical and sexy and turn myself into Kira.
Odo: Meh....
Arlamar: I can say pretty please with sugar on it and look at you all puppy-eyed.
Odo: Not the puppy eyes, argh! All right, I'll go with you!
Founders: Yay!

Quark: He's really going.
Kira: He's really going.
Monrow: He's really going.
Odo: What part of no didn't these people get?

Odo: Oh, Kira, forgot to tell you, I've got a kid back on the Founders' homeworld. Can you take a message?
Kira: A kid? You two-timing.... I mean, sure.

Kira: Hey, Odo offspring, I got a message from your dad. He's going with Laas and the New Link to teach them how to be like you.
Odo Offspring: So they can join us?
Kira: No, they'd rather not.
Odo Offspring: They won't join us? How dare they! Well, we'll show them!
Kira: That sounded like ominous foreshadowing.
Odo Offspring: You betcha! And just to make it more ominous, we won't talk to you any more either!
Kira: Oh, crap. Then I might as well go back to the station.
(The runabout leaves orbit at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on June 13, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2004, Sharon Monroe.