This Just In
ISSUE #40 JUNE 27, 2004

Five-Minute Voyager in danger of cancellation?
by Derek Dean

After the abrupt cancellations this year of such notable parody sites as 2.0-Minute Jake 2.0, Till-the-Cows-Come-Home Wonderfalls, and most notably Wonky-Illyria-Time Angel, speculation has ensued as to whether Five-Minute Voyager itself might be in danger of cancellation.

Wonky-Illyria-Time Angel was a new website created this year. Its hitcounts were high; the site was showing inventive methods in humor, especially in its parodies, and was slowly growing a small but dedicated fanbase.

"I just don't understand it," said webmaster Bob Robertson. "We were coming up with good stuff. It's not like we were making silly Sesame Street jokes about the Count that often -- well, except for 'Smile Time,' but I think we were justified there. This news of cancellation is a serious blow. We thought we had good ratings. We were even tentatively thinking about next year!" Roberston then broke down into sobs, intermittently shaking a fist at the sky.

Since the site's cancellation came as a big surprise to many people, it has also created a lot of concern that Five-Minute Voyager might be the next site to get the axe. When asked for comment, 5MV webmaster Zeke avoided the question. "Cancelled?" he exclaimed. "Cancelled by whom?"

Five-Minute Voyager is currently finishing its fourth season as a TV parody website, and is in fact the progenitor of many other TV parody websites, most notably Five-Minute Stargate and Five-Minute Buffy. It has achieved a rather dedicated fanbase, but even that may not be enough to save it from cancellation.

"Parody in general is a niche market," stated Web Insider Marc Berman. "When Five-Minute Voyager started, it was the only game in town. Now, with other scifi parody sites like Faster-Than-A-Speeding-Bullet-Time Smallville gaining popularity, not to mention the recent trend towards reality sites like Five-Minute Five Minutes, Five-Minute Voyager is facing stiff competition that it may not be prepared to deal with. 5MV may become a victim of its own success."

Comments from others were varied.

"Five-Minute Voyager needs to reinvent itself," proclaimed fan PointyHairedJedi. "I mean, sure, the daily updates are nice, but it needs to take risks: use multiple exclamation marks, hire vampires, offer free beer, stuff like that."

"No way the site's going to be cancelled," enthused guest writer Nic Corelli. "The site will run for three more seasons and then it will end, hopefully to do movies or something cool like that."

"Meh, let it die," said former Original Series actor and writer William Shatner. "Five-Minute Voyager stopped being good after the Next Generation relaunch. It's tapped all its potential. Either let it die or put someone new in charge of the site. Someone like me."

"I knew it was doomed from the start," declared former Voyager actor Robert Beltran.

"Wait, the site has cancer?" Five-Minute Deep Space Nine Section Head Derek Dean yelled. "Why aren't I told about these things? How can a website get cancer? Who's responsible for this? I want names!" When informed that the site might be cancelled, not cancered, Mr. Dean composed himself and said, "Oh. I have no comment then."

Concerns about the site's longevity have already prompted a fan response. An organization calling itself "Just Five More Minutes" has already put up a website asking fans to call, write, or email in order to prevent Five-Minute Voyager's possible cancellation. Unfortunately, the organization has met with little success as of the time of this writing, as they do not know whom to contact. 

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Copyright 2004, Derek Dean. A product of This Just Inc. All rights reserved. This notice subject to being cancelled at any time for any reason.