Zombie Zombie FiveMinute.net News
maintained by Zeke
Yes, I know Sa'ar already said it in the comment thread. What's your point? Anyway, the undeadening continues today with The Top 10 Signs That Your Girlfriend is a Zombie. Zombies are a greater threat now than ever before, so this (my first "girlfriend" list in two years, by the way) may be useful.
But that's a side trip. Time to get back to the serious business of restoring dead shows to a shambling mockery of life! Be here next time and leave your Gun Del Sol at home....
(Sharp readers will notice that this list is number 101; even sharper ones will remember that there hasn't been a 100 yet. I have plans for that one, so I've skipped it for now.)
Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA! Welcome back to meddling in God's domain! Last year, as some of you will remember, I created Zombie FiveMinute.net. (Check the news page if you've forgotten the premise.) It didn't really get off the ground, it just shambled a bit and then fell over. So this year I decided to bring it back to life... as a zombie!
Then I remembered it was already a zombie. Did that stop me? Pfft. Welcome to Zombie Zombie FiveMinute.net!
Those of you who took a look on April 1 (the bold, unheralded beginning of this new site, not that you should read anything into that) will have noticed the link to our first feature, Zombie Five-Minute 4chan Memes. Zombies are, of course, slow, so I've had trouble getting the site to produce anything further. But it will, so help me! And in the meantime, I've updated the Statement of BRAINS and such.
So come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici...
April 1, 2007
You know that cancellation problem I was talking about yesterday? I've solved it -- by creating a monster. Welcome to Zombie FiveMinute.net!
See, here's my reasoning. Shows that are cancelled are basically dead. Now if there's one thing I've learned from horror movies, it's that any idiot can bring back the dead, just not in any way they'll like. But that would be the case anyway, because what show would want to be resurrected on the internet instead of TV? It fits like a glove, I tell you.
This is the answer to all our problems. When a good show is cancelled, we just bring it back as a zombie here at Z5M.net. It gets a new lease on a shambling mockery of life, we get to watch it shamble, and if the occasional viewer's brain is eaten, we'll still be doing better than reality shows, right? Best of all, I already have a head start with the VVS8 and 9 fivers!
So keep watching the front page, because more of those links will start lighting up. Until then, BRAAAAIIINS!
You guys may have been surprised that I didn't say anything about The OC getting cancelled. It's not that I wasn't upset about it -- I was. But I think I may have developed cancellation fatigue. Every year, more good shows are cancelled before their time. Who has the energy to be outraged about all of them?
I mean, what can we do? Not even TrekUnited, probably the biggest fan campaign in recent years, was able to save its show. Cartoons are one thing, but live action shows are too expensive to go back and start producing again. The writing is on the wall: only crap will prosper.
But resignation isn't my style. In fact, against my better judgment, I'm starting to think about --
Zeke's Better Judgment: Ohhh no you don't. I'm not falling for this again.
Falling for what?
Zeke's Better Judgment: Don't pretend you don't know. Last year you did that whole act leading up to the April Fool's event. Well, you're not dragging me into it this time. If you want to mess with people, do it yourself.
Wait! Come back! I'm not --
So, um, where was I... oh yeah. You know what's cool? Zombies.
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