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Five-Minute Mega Man 6

by Zeke

Dr. Light: Have you heard, Mega Man? There's a big robot design contest going on.
Mega Man: Yeah, I heard. It's being run by the mysterious Mr. X.
Dr. Light: Funny name. Hey, you know who else has a funny name? Dr. Wily.
Mega Man: Quelle coincidence!

Mr. X: Bwahahahaha! I have seized control of all these robots and shall soon conquer the Earth!
Mega Man: Not if I stop you! Oh, wait -- you're going to seize control of me too, aren't you?
Mr. X: Nah. I'll spare you...for now.
Mega Man: Oh, I get it. You're trying to sound all ominous and stuff, but you actually can't seize control of me.
Mr. X: I warn you, don't make light of--
Mega Man: Here, try seizing control of Eddie. See how small he is? Come on....
Mr. X: Well, I....see, I....shut up!

Mega Man: Any upgrades this time?
Dr. Light: You better believe it. You can now fuse with Rush to gain incredible strength or the power of flight.
Mega Man: SWEET! Finally, an upgrade with no downside!
Dr. Light: Well, none for you, but don't talk to Rush for a while. He's pretty mad about losing his autonomy.
Mega Man: Oh, so that's where the bite marks on your leg came from.


Mega Man: Oh, for heaven's sake. What are you doing in a group of the world's strongest robots?
Plant Man: Yeah, I know I look like a sissy. But it's all part of my undercover operation for the CIA.
Mega Man: So you're saying you're....
Plant Man: That's right: a plant.
Mega Man: Great, now I have to kill you. I can't let that line go unpunished.

Mega Man: Ripoff.
Wind Man: Shut up! I'm very different from Air Man!
Mega Man: Name one difference.
Wind Man: I'm called Wind Man and he's called Air Man.
Mega Man: Besides that.
Wind Man: I have the Wind Storm and he--
Mega Man: Look, I want a difference that matters.
Wind Man: No. That information is, uh, classified or something.

Mega Man: I wonder what to use on -- wait, there's a fire extinguisher on the wall.
Flame Man: I'm nothing if not safety-conscious.

Blizzard Man: I know I look silly on these skis, but I'm surprisingly tough to beat. Really.
Mega Man: Even with the Flame Blast?
Blizzard Man: No, I can't take much flaming. I'm very thin-skinned.

Mega Man: Proto Man?
Proto Man: Hey, bro! I've got a gizmo for you.
Mega Man: Can I kill things with it?
Proto Man: You can't kill things, period. Only living beings can be killed.
Mega Man: Can I kill living beings with it?
Proto Man: I don't think there are any in these games.
Mega Man: You're stalling. Let me guess -- the gizmo is completely non-violent, right?
Proto Man: Just trying to soften the blow a little.

Mega Man: You're an insult to native Americans everywhere.
Tomahawk Man: I don't care how many stereotypes I embody -- you'll never defeat my Silver Tomahawk.
Mega Man: And if I do?
Tomahawk Man: Then I'll glare at you menacingly and hope you go away.

Mega Man: That's the Yamato Spear, eh?
Yamato Man: Yep. I'm full of fighting spear-it.
Mega Man: Ouch! If I'm not careful, you'll kill me with puns alone.
Yamato Man: Spear me your complaints. You have nothing to fear but spear itself.
Mega Man: Okay, pal -- ever watched the TNG episode "Contagion"?
Yamato Man: The one where the U.S.S. Yamato blows up? Yeah.
Mega Man: You're about to live it.

Mega Man: I've already beaten a ninja and a samurai, so you should be cake.
Knight Man: I'm cake all right. Cake of DOOM!
Mega Man: Who would buy cake of doom?
Knight Man: You'd be surprised -- it's selling like doomcakes.

Centaur Man: You're going to kill me with that Knight Chain, I suppose.
Mega Man: Yeah. And then I'll get your weapon.
Centaur Man: Then the joke's on you! Hahahahahaha!
Mega Man: How so?
Centaur Man: Centaur Flash is utterly, completely useless! It's one of those "freeze the screen" weapons.
Mega Man: Nuts. Maybe I can at least take some photos with it....

Mr. X: It's fun to say X. You should try it.
Mega Man: You're going down, X-boy! The X-police will send some X-men to take X-you away -- you'll spend the next X years in an X-Box! Hey, you're right.
Voice: This X-rated discussion stops now!
Mega Man and Mr. X: Who--?
X: I'm X. I've come to expose this impostor. Hang on while I blast away the disguise....
Dr. Wily: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Mega Man: It's Wily! So that's why this whole setup was exactly his style in every detail! Funny I didn't suspect something earlier.
X: Well, my work here is done. I'm off to the year 21XX to battle Greek letters.

Cops: You're one wily coyote, Wily, but this time you're finally going in the slammer.
Mega Man: Aw, he's not that wily. After all, he didn't rig up a backup plan in the event of his capture, as far as we know.
Dr. Wily: Nope, nothing like that. Feel free to indulge in an apparently-not-false sense of security.
Mega Man: I will, thanks.


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This fiver was originally published on January 7, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Capcom, and since you never know when a new Mega Man game will come out, I'd better stay on their good side. Incidentally, Rockman and Forte does not count as Mega Man 9. Mega Man 9 has not been produced yet. Rockman and Forte does use Mega Man and Bass, but the game's structure is sufficiently different from the MM series to disqualify it. Are we clear on that now?

All material © 2002, Colin Hayman.