Cliffhangers, Part 2
by Derek Dean
by Derek Dean
An installment of Cliffhanger Week
Last time on Cliffhangers....
Zeke: Well, I guess it's about that time again.
IJD: We could do birdwatching this year.
Zeke: No, IJD's right. It's mid-June. 5MV anniversary time is rolling around.
Derek: Okay. Religious issues?
IJD: Except the ones that hit you and make you lose heart points.
Kira: Hey, weren't there going to be 5MV T-shirts?
Marc: There was that one with the food....
Kira: I don't get it. What's with you and that time?
Derek: Well, Kira....
Marc: Oh please don't get him started on that.
Kira: On what? You can't just start a story and leave it hanging like that.
Marc: Like what?
Kira: Like that! (points to a book caught in a spider web)
Zeke: Now there's a well-read spider.
Marc: Must have eaten a bookworm.
IJD: What's more troubling is the hourglass on its back.
Derek: Just as long as the hourglass says 7:57.
Zeke: But hourglasses don't denote hours, that's why they're called hourglasses.
Derek: Look, I've had it up to here with your 7:57 intolerance!
Marc: OW! That was my eye!
IJD: Can we get back to Cliffhanger Week?
Derek: Is that really what we have to have?
Kira: You don't want cliffhangers?
Derek: I don't want our yearly adventure to be about mountain climbing.
Kira: I know I'm going to regret this, but what do you want the yearly adventure to be about?
Derek: Well, I think we should be on an alien ship hurtling through space at the speed of light....
Marc: Aah! What just happened to us? Where are we?
Derek: You're in my narration of what our adventure should be like. Sit still and enjoy the ride.
IJD: It bothers me that I'm part of Derek's fantasy.
Kira: It bothers you?
Zeke: Okay, Derek, you're calling the shots. What is this place?
Derek: Weren't you paying attention? We're on an alien ship hurtling through space at the speed of light.
Marc: Kind of slow, isn't it?
IJD: Is there going to be any conflict in this story at all?
Derek: There would be if you'd just LET ME TELL THE STORY!
Derek: So anyway, some aliens enter the room.
Alien 1: Greetings, Earthlings. We have randomly selected you from the population of the Earth.
Kira: Right. Randomly, but we just happen to all be part of the 5MV Staff.
Alien 1: Silence, human! We will now run gruesome experiments on you!
Zeke: Ha! Do your worst, alien scum. Nothing you can do will scare me.
Alien 2: Actually, all we were going to do was make you watch this videotape.
Alien 2: Just kidding. We just want to interview you.
Alien 2: And then run gruesome experiments on you!
IJD: Oh yeah? Do that and we'll run ... away!
Marc: Was this such a good idea, IJD? We're on their ship and we don't know our way around.
Derek: I'd agree if I weren't gasping for air from all that running.
IJD: Look, there's a spare room over there!
Derek: With a wardrobe in it!
Zeke: Those cruel aliens! Did they have to abduct wardrobes too?
Marc: Quick, the aliens are still after us! Into the wardrobe.
IJD: Wait a minute, there's something familiar about this.
Kira: The wardrobe's made of cedar.
IJD: Ah yes, that'd be it.
(They get in the wardrobe.)
Marc: (whispering) They're coming into the room.
Zeke: Do they have any videotapes with them?
Derek: Ow. Someone just hit me with a snowball!
IJD: Don't look at me. I don't even know how to make snowballs.
Marc: Why is there daylight coming from the back of the wardrobe?
IJD: Quick! Let's go into the light!
Zeke: No, I can't! I'll catch on fire!
Derek: I wouldn't worry about it. I'm pretty sure we're in another dimension now.
Zeke: What makes you so sure?
White Witch: What? Intruders! Leave now or face my wrath!
Derek: I have my reasons.
Marc: What's your wrath?
White Witch: I can turn things to stone with my wand. For instance, see that cedar tree?
(The tree turns to stone.)
White Witch: Now are you afraid?
IJD: I'm petrified!
Kira: This is just great. The only thing that could make this worse would be if --
Alien 1: There they are! Get them!
Kira: Never mind.
Marc: (whispering) Wait, this might work out better. They'll fight each other!
Alien 2: Hi, White Witch! How's it going?
White Witch: Not bad, you?
IJD: (whispering) Now what, genius?
Marc: I don't know. Shouldn't Zeke be making this decision?
Kira: You mean the Zeke that just ran off over the cliff shouting "I'm in the sunlight and I'm not on fire!"?
Derek: Hey, how did he escape?
Marc: Then I guess it falls on you, Kira. What should we do?
TO BE CONTINUED
Next time on Cliffhangers....
The Cliffhangers get stoned!
And the alien vessel gets lost in space!
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DISCLAIMER: Will we still dare to use copyrighted material? Will we get sued? Tune in next week for these answers and more!
All material © 2004, Derek Dean.