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Cliffhangers, Part 3
by Kira
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A suspension of Cliffhanger Week |
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Previously on Cliffhangers....
Derek: Weren't you paying attention? We're on an alien ship hurtling through space at the speed of light. Alien 1: Silence, human! We will now run gruesome experiments on you! Derek: I'd agree if I weren't gasping for air from all that running. Marc: Quick, the aliens are still after us! Into the wardrobe. Zeke: Do they have any videotapes with them? IJD: Don't look at me. I don't even know how to make snowballs. Zeke: No, I can't! I'll catch on fire! White Witch: Now are you afraid? Marc: I don't know. Shouldn't Zeke be making this decision? Kira: You mean the Zeke that just ran off over the cliff shouting "I'm in the sunlight and I'm not on fire!"? Marc: Then I guess it falls on you, Kira. What should we do? Kira: Well.... Kira: ...I think we should do nothing. Zeke will come back the very next day. Marc: That's cats. Kira: Oh. Well, in that case, I think we should use that bazooka over there on the Witch and the aliens. Derek: What the--? I didn't narrate that bazooka. Kira: (aiming the bazooka) I think we can all see where your narrating got us, Mr. Let's-Get-Chased-By-Aliens. Marc: Speaking of which, since when is Zeke a vampire? IJD: Vampire? Huh. I thought he was just pale because we keep scaring the crap out of him. Bazooka: WHOOSH! (BOOOOOOOOM!) Derek: (waving away the smoke) Huh? Where are we? Kira: In my narration of our adventure. IJD: And look, Zeke's back. Zeke: I went somewhere? Derek: Off the edge of the cliff. Zeke: Oh yeah.... Marc: (I think he might have a concussion.) IJD: (Nah, he's always like this.) Derek: Hey, guys? Does this place remind you of anything? Kira: Maybe you have a concussion. IJD: No, he's right. There's something oddly familiar about this pastoral farm scenery. Marc: Almost reminds me of New Zealand. Kira: You're imagining things. Anyways, so we find this powerful ring -- Zeke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! IJD GAF: Hey look, Zeke found a cedar tree. Derek: Great. Someone help me get him down from there. Marc: Kira, this adventure wouldn't happen to have some similarities with The Lord of the Rings, would it? Kira: ...No, of course not. Derek: Geez, couldn't you come up with something a little more original? Kira: Hey, C.S. Lewis? Pot. Kettle. Black. IJD: Maybe we should find an adventure that doesn't have anything to do with rings. Zeke: (up the tree) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! IJD: ...or videotapes... Zeke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! IJD: ...or things coming out of televisions... Zeke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (pause) IJD: I'm done. Kira: All right, all right, I'll come up with something else. How about.... (WHOOSH!) IJD: Uh... guys? Marc: Over here. Derek: I can't see anything. Marc: Me neither. (A ring of light appears in the darkness) Zeke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It's the lid of the cursed well! Kira: Heheheh. Derek: Gimme that. Kira: Hey, that's my flashlight! And I was having fun with it. Marc: All right, Kira, where are we? Kira: Obviously, we're in the depths of a tomb or a crypt somewhere. The details aren't important. Derek: What is important? IJD: Besides terrifying Zeke. Kira: Hey, yeah, where'd he go? Marc: He climbed into that coffin over there. Derek: Must be leftover from his vampire phase. Kira: ...Right. Okay, so we're in a tomb deep in a forbidden jungle. We're here to retrieve a priceless artifact with mysterious powers. IJD: So we can sell it? Kira: So we can keep it from falling into the wrong hands, obviously. Marc: Like yours? Kira: I plead the fifth. Derek: What does any of this have to do with Star Trek? Kira: What do aliens have to do with Star Trek, Mr. Smarty Pants? Wait.... Marc: Hey, look, there's a hallway down here. Derek: Maybe it leads to the artifact. Kira? Kira: Beats me. IJD: But this is your narration. Kira: She-yeah, what fun would it be for me if there wasn't a little suspense? (After retrieving Zeke from his hiding place, the five staffers start down the hallway.) IJD: What was that? Derek: What was what? IJD: That sound. It was almost like a booby trap being spr-- (Giant axes appear from the walls and take several swipes at our heroes. Dodging the lethal blades, they manage to make it past the booby trap to safety.) Derek: Whew. That was a close shave. Zeke: Yeah, we almost bought the big one. Derek: (feeling his chin) No, I mean that was a close shave. Nice. IJD: Well, we're safe now. (Rumble.) Zeke: Way to jinx us, IJD. Marc: Hm... that's odd. I could have sworn this room was wider. Kira: Yeah, me too. (After a pause, our heroes realize that the walls are slowly closing in on them.) Derek: Do you have to keep saying "our heroes"? It's so corny. Kira: Shut up and help us find something to brace them with! IJD: Like what? There's nothing in here but bare stone walls. Zeke: Quick, into the garbage chute! Kira: We're not on a Death Star. Derek: You could have picked a better time to not rip off Star Wars. (The walls continue to close in as the staff watches helplessly.) Zeke: Well, looks like this is it. Derek: Yep, we're screwed. Marc and Kira: Uh huh. IJD: Unless.... TO BE CONTINUED |
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Next time on Cliffhangers...
Marc gets an idea.
And the Cliffhangers find a new ally. |
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DISCLAIMER: Will we still dare to use copyrighted material? Will we get sued? Tune in next week for these answers and more! All material © 2005, Carolyn Paterson. |