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maintained by Zeke

Latest update: 5/15
Beginning with the second-anniversary celebration, our bigger events here at FiveMinute.net are often accompanied by what we call panel discussions -- multipart dialogues written by and featuring the staff members. Fanwanky? Yes, but lots of fun too. Here are the ones we've done so far.

Paneldemonium (June 24-30, 2002; a side effect of Time Travel Week)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Sleapers (June 15-21, 2003; a manifestation of Alternate Universes Week)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Voyagers (December 19-24, 2004 and June 4, 2005; a lightyear of Voyager Week)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8/9

Cliffhangers (June 15 - August 3, 2005; a suspension of Cliffhanger Week)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Minutemen (February 16, 2006 -; a four-year mission of Five-Minute Star Trek: The Conclusion)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

One of our traditions at FiveMinute.net is doing something ridiculous for April Fool's Day. These events usually go longer than just one day, and some have even found a permanent place on the site. Our past April Fool's gags are chronicled here; eventually I'll reconstruct the older ones so those who weren't around can actually see them.

April Fool's 2002: Six-Minute Voyager
The premise of this event was my evil clone, Zuke, taking over the site. (Zuke was introduced in TJI #13.) The takeover happened in TJI #19, and the site became Six-Minute Voyager -- complete with new graphics and a total conversion of "five" to "six" on every page. I switched the site back a few days later, but the "story" didn't conclude until I finally got around to posting TJI #20 some time later. The main thing I learned from this event was not to use an indiscriminate search-and-replace tool on your entire site... several images were ruined when I replaced "5" with "6," and even now I occasionally find an error somewhere on the site that came from this event. (I blame Zuke.)

April Fool's 2003: regayoV etuniM-eviF
This was a much simpler event. I published the highly anticipated Five-Minute "Minefield," but backwards, making it completely unreadable. I also reversed the front page (images and all) and the day's newspost.

April Fool's 2004: Five-Minute Cheese
After the '03 event, I joked that next year it would be "all soap operas, all the time." What I ended up doing was pretty close to that -- I turned the site into Five-Minute Cheese, a broad enough category to cover several targets I wanted to hit, like reality TV and The OC. As an extra gimmick, I started with only one "cheeser" (Five-Minute Survivor) and filled in the others one by one, so readers had to keep checking back. I even wound up adding four more series to the list, letting Derek, IJD, and Sa'ar join in. This was probably our most popular April Fool's event to date, and the first that actually fooled some people.

April Fool's 2005: Five-Second Voyager
This time around I changed not the target but the method. Rather than doing full five-minute parodies, I cut back to one scene per episode, letting me cover a whole season in the space of one fiver. This gave me a chance to play with some series I hadn't visited in a while. The seasons I hit were Enterprise S4, Voyager S6, Babylon 5 S3, The OC S2, Farscape S1, and Angel S4. I may well do more of these when the mood strikes me again -- in fact, you'll find a limited-edition ST five-seconder on the April '05 news page.

April Fool's 2006: Five-Minute Battlestar Galactica
Unlike previous April Fool's events, I actually built up to this one, taking advantage of a hotlinking accident at the forums. I pretended to struggle with self-doubt and started talking ominously about some big plan (dropping BSG references for the astute). Then on April 1, I claimed I'd seen the light and become a convert to BSG-worship -- and I turned the whole site into Five-Minute Battlestar Galactica, with blurbs for every episode of the new show. Later on I changed the Statement of Purpose and added a TJI and T10 list (which you'll find linked on the main 5MBSG page). I wrapped the event at a week, and finally explained my motives in the April 8 newspost.

When we staffers were working on Time Travel Week, we had a number of group IM sessions. Kira assembled the funniest parts into 5MV: Behind the Insanity.

The Disbanding is a hilarious Voyager dialogue by Doc Annin, a friend of mine from Deltachat.
The Disbanding 2: Breaking Up is Hard to Do is a sequel to Annin's dialogue by me. (I was her Deltachat Secret Santa in 2005.)

I've written several episodes of the Virtual Voyager Season 8 and 9. They're included here (aside from 9-6, "Three Steps Forward," where I have a coauthor credit but didn't really write enough of the episode to merit one). These are fairly large files -- about 100 kB each -- so they have a longer load time than most pages on this site.
8-14:Rise and Fall
9-3:New Moon
9-13:King of Kings, Part I: Darkness Visible
9-14:King of Kings, Part II: Light Unseen
9-16:Gifts (with FatMatDuhRat)

I've also written a few articles for the Trek Nation, though none recently. You can read them here.

Marc Richard represented 5MV at the Montreal Science Fiction and Fantasy Association's Con*Cept 2002 convention. You can read his report here.

Here are two good reasons I shouldn't be allowed to have spare time:

The Unimatrix
The TreX-Files

Here's a good reason the J-Team's KittyK shouldn't be allowed to have spare time either:

Voyager Zero Wing (this is an animation, so it may load slowly)

Finally, the mascot of this section. I have no idea why I suddenly felt that the poor guy belonged on this page, but it felt like the right thing to do, and Liz Barr of mirrordance dot net generously agreed to share him. Behold the C/7 Hippo:
The C/7 Hippo
A department of the FiveMinute.net subsite network

Andromeda Deep Space Nine Enterprise Farscape
Next Generation Sci-Fivers Shakespeare Star Trek
This Just In Top 10 Lists Videogames Voyager

FiveMinute.net and subsites are © Colin Hayman. The C/7 Hippo is © Elizabeth M. Barr.