Jake: Aren't you going to tell me to move along home?
Odo: No, I just wanted to be in this episode and this was really the only place I could manage it.
Jake: Sigh. I miss Nog. I can't wait until he graduates and gets back here.
Quark: Graduates? How do you know the graduation speaker won't turn into a giant serpent and kill everyone there?
Odo: Is that a shapeshifter joke?
Quark: Me? Tell a shapeshifter joke? Perish the thought.
Jake: You're my.... You're my... my....
Mirror Jennifer: My name's Jennifer.
Jake: Yeah, but you're so... so... alive.
Mirror Jennifer: Cut out the Marty McFly routine. It doesn't suit you.
Sisko: This isn't your mother. This is Jennifer Sisko.
Mirror Jennifer: And I was married to Ben Sisko. Unfortunately he's dead.
Sisko: Like your mother.
Sisko: It's 2200. Do you know where my child is?
O'Brien: He went to the mirror universe.
Sisko: This doesn't reflect well on him. I guess I need to crossover.
Sisko: So why'd you kidnap Jake?
Mirror O'Brien: We need your help. We're trying to build ADefiant.
Sisko: A defiant what?
Mirror O'Brien: No, no, ADefiant. Alternate-Defiant.
Mirror Bashir: Look at me in my unshaven roguishness.
Sisko: What's up, Doc? Heh heh.
Sisko: Hey! What about "do no harm"?
Mirror Bashir: It's unethical to harm you. I can inflict as much pain as I like.
Sisko: What did I tell you about going to the Mirror Universe with strangers?
Jake: But she's just like mom! She even made me clean my room before coming!
Mirror Jennifer: You're mad at me for luring Jake to the Mirror Universe, aren't you?
Sisko: If I were mad, the next scene would involve Worf and Garak.
Mirror Worf: You lost the station to the rebels!
Mirror Garak: No, it was Intendant Kira who lost it. I was just trying on her dresses.
Mirror Worf: Could the Intendant be so evil?
Mirror Garak: This just in: Kira's always evil.
Mirror Jadzia: I can't believe I kissed you!
Sisko: Must have been your lifelong ambition.
Mirror Jadzia: I can't believe you're quoting Kirk.
Sisko: In the Mirror Universe I can be as much like Kirk as I want -- wait a minute, you were quoting Kirk, not me!
Mirror Jadzia: Shut up.
Klingon: The rebels are building ADefiant.
Mirror Garak: A defiant what?
Mirror Worf: Grrr. That joke was already done. Think of a better one.
Mirror Garak: Um, uh, "at least they're not building the Defiant?"
Mirror Worf: No, a better joke.
Sisko: Tell us the weakness of the Alliance.
Mirror Kira: Hm... let me think about that one... no.
Sisko: What if I tell you that Garak is the one who has been trying on all your dresses?
Mirror Kira: Is that why the purple one is all stretched out? Grrr. In that case, shadows fool their sensors.
Mirror Worf: Where's the key?
Mirror Garak: It's the sister of the slayer, I swear!
Mirror Worf: Not that key; the key to your collar!
Mirror Garak: I have no key.
(Worf stabs Garak.)
Klingon: Oh, you mean this key?
Mirror Nog: Hey, you! Move along home.
Jake: In my universe we would hit each person who passed under the balcony with an egg, Nog.
Mirror Nog: What an egg-cellent idea for a practical joke.
Jake: Yeah. I guess you could say the yolk was on them.
Mirror Kira: I'm not having a very fun time. I think I'll escape from prison now.
Mirror Nog: Ooh, can I help?
Mirror Kira: Help me and die.
Mirror Nog: Shouldn't that be "Help me or die"?
Mirror Kira: No, my belt needs another notch.
Mirror Nog: Gak!
Mirror Kira: Yay. I've got hostages. Which one should I kill first?
Mirror Jennifer: I think you're missing the idea of a hostage.
Mirror Kira: Then it's settled.
Mirror Jennifer: Gak!
Mirror Garak: Ha ha! Your fleet lost to two tiny ships and a space station!
Mirror Worf: At least I don't wear the Intendant's clothes.
Mirror Garak: But purple looks so good on me!
Jake: Mom's dead.
Sisko: Oh well. Time to return to our universe.
Jake: We can't just leave her here! NOOO!
Sisko: Stop stealing my lines.
(Jake reenacts "Emissary" at Ludicrous Speed.)