Five-Minute "Smile Time"
by BR48

Polo: Come toward the TV.
Kid: Okay. (faints)
Polo: Hehehe. Like taking life force from a baby.

Knox: Hey Fred, here are some reports about a mysterious plague that's infecting children. By the way, will you be my valentine?
Fred: Oh Knox, that's sweet, but I don't like you anymore.
Knox: What? Why not?
Fred: We dated off-screen, remember? You creep me out now.
Knox: You're making that up.

Angel: Wes, do you know what's up with Nina?
Wesley: She loves you, dummy. Now do something about it.
Angel: Relationships are scary and confusing. I wanna go hit stuff with swords now.

Wesley: Alas, Angel is so pathetically oblivious. It's sad, really.
Fred: Hey Wes, ummm... the nightlight in my bedroom is broken, and I'm afraid to sleep there all alone...
Wesley: Say no more. (picks up the phone) Hello, is this the department of nightlight repair?
Fred: Wesley, I was kind of hoping you'd come over tonight.
Wesley: Don't be silly. I don't know how to fix a nightlight.

Door: Don't.
Angel: Sounds like reverse psychology to me.
Door: Have it your way.
Angel: Now to mess with this weird mystical thingy.
Nest Egg: Flash!
Puppet Angel: I should have listened to the door.

Puppet Angel: Everyone, I called you in here to tell you something very important: I am a puppet.
Fred: You're so cute as a puppet! Can I keep you in my vampire puppet collection?
Lorne: Great idea, Angel. I bet this'll help us bring in a lot of younger clients.
Wesley: PR is important, but won't this make it harder for you to inspire fear in the forces of evil?
Puppet Angel: I hate you all.

Nina: Angel, why are you hiding from me?
Puppet Angel: I'm a dummy.
Nina: What? You mean you've been magically transformed into some kind of puppet?
Puppet Angel: That too.

Spike: Angel's a cute little puppet! Hahahahaha!
Puppet Angel: That should teach him to never laugh at a puppet.
Wesley: How come you can beat him up as a puppet, even though he smacked you down in "Destiny"?
Puppet Angel: A quick punch to the shin is more effective than you'd think.

Framkin: I own the puppet show, and I'm not afraid of Wolfram and Hart.
Gunn: And why not?
Framkin: Our lawyer has a horn for a nose. I'm sure you can see the advantage that gives us.
Gunn: Uh oh.

Puppet Angel: Nina, I'm a puppet.
Nina: I still love you.
Lorne: Oh no. I'd better call the department of puppet repair.

Gunn: My brain is leaking. Fix it.
Doctor: Ah, I see the dumbening is starting to take effect, just as the Senior Partners intended.
Gunn: Fix it.
Doctor: If that's what you want. But in return I expect you to do a favor for me.
Gunn: I don't see how that could possibly cause problems in the future.
Doctor: Hmm. The dumbening seems to be working even better than expected.

Gunn: Look at these documents. They prove that demons are controlling the show through Framkin.
Puppet Angel: Just as I suspected: A dummy corporation.

Wesley: Now to use magic to destroy their mystical egg thingy.
Horatio: Honk!
Fred: Look out! He's got a horn for a nose!

Polo: You'll never defeat us.
Puppet Angel: Oh yeah? Behold my terrifying undead visage!
Fred: Aw, look at those cute fluffy fangs.
Puppet Angel: You aren't helping. And aren't you supposed to be with Wes?
Fred: I will be if he stops angsting long enough to notice I'm coming on to him.
Puppet Angel: I'm sorry I asked.

Horatio: Honk!
Fred's Gun: Bang! Bang!
Horatio: Honk! I mean GAK!
Wesley: There, we defeated their enforcer.
Fred: And I just blew up the nest egg. I guess puppets aren't as dangerous as they look.

Nina: Sorry about ripping you up.
Puppet Angel: Don't worry, the stuffing loss wasn't critical. Besides, I should be returning to normal sometime between now and next week.
Nina: Good to know.

Fred: Wesley, I love you.
Wesley: What are you trying to tell me?
Fred: (sigh)
(Angel returns to normal at Off-Screen Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on October 7, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of material in here is copyrighted by Mutant Enemy, but since they unofficially encourage fanfic and such, I doubt there'll be any trouble. Unless their legal consultants are with Wolfram & Hart, in which case all bets are off.

All material © 2004, B. Raver.