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Five-Minute "Secrets and Lies"

by Zeke

Chakotay: (over the comm) Hey B'Elanna.
Torres: What do you want? Go bother Janeway.
Chakotay: Nah, it's okay. I just wanted to interrupt someone's well-earned sleep.

Hamilton: Wow. We've found the corpse of Da--
Thompson: Silence! I'm under strict orders from Intelligence to prevent anyone from giving away who this guy is.
Hamilton: Oh, like it's hard to tell or something.
Thompson: I said silence.

Kim: I don't trust this Grant guy.
Seven: Neither do I, and I have a flashback-related reason. Do you?
Kim: Nah, it's just that we haven't exactly done well with people whose last names are also common words. Remember Ransom and Starling?

Mateth: I think I'll organize a meeting.
Assistant: Will that be a secret meeting, sir?
Mateth: Do we Ayrethans ever do anything non-secret?
Assistant: Point taken.

Janeway: Mom! Phoebe!
Gretchen and Phoebe: Kathryn!
Q: Is this the Family of the Valkyries, or have you finally gotten rid of your men altogether?
Janeway: Shut up, Q.

Repah: ....and furthermore, anybody who thinks Mateth is right can bite me, preferably on my thick, thick skull where I won't feel it.
Mateth: Assistant! I thought I told you to invite only those who agree with me to this balanced, unbiased debate.

Gretchen: Mind if I take a shot at "Bride of Chaotica"?
Janeway: Go ahead. That one was too J/P for me anyway.
Phoebe: Speaking of you and relationships...are you in relationships?
Janeway: Sort of. Not really. Yes. No. I'm going to run away now.

Kim: Time to dig up dirt on my commanding officer, like the immoral rodent I am.
Seven: It's not that bad. We're just going to research Grant.
Seven: Harry? Are you okay?
Kim: Am I okay? You make a pun like that and ask me if I'm okay? Good gravy, woman, even the "Grant's tomb" joke was less painful!

Mateth: I need a supporter for my idea.
Kalet: Will I do? I'm a pathetic brownnoser.
Mateth: Then yes.

Seven: So you think he's in Section 31?
Harry: I think everybody's in Section 31. In fact, you probably are too. Please don't kill me....

Janeway: Here, I'll help you wash the dishes.
Gretchen: Thanks. After that, you can go chop some firewood and empty the bedpans.
Janeway: Heheheheh.
Phoebe: She thinks you're kidding, mom.

Gregah: The time has come for a Big Speech -- the kind that gives away oodles of plot information.
Mateth: Phooey. I never get those speeches.

Kim: (over the comm) While we're talking over an unprotected, public channel, I think I'll tell you things that may get me killed.
Torres: Why are you taking these risks?
Kim: Risks, schmisks. When was the last time I stayed dead?

Isylpah: I am old and wise, and I agree with Mateth.
Mateth: Thank y--
Isylpah: Shut up!

Kim: (over the comm) Hi. Join me for another getting-me-killed conversation?
Janeway: Sure. But remember, I'm not your direct superior anymore....
Kim: Okay, Katie.
Janeway: Let me rephrase that.

Segall: This is the scene where we explain how we were involved in every single plotline in the whole season, right?
West: Not quite -- we weren't involved in "Yesterday's Love Story." We do not need that on our records.

Isylpah: And now...foreshadowing.
Mateth: Yes. Foreshadowing is good.
(Foreshadowing occurs at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on January 9, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2002, Zeke.