Five-Minute "Nightingale"
by Zeke

Icheb: I'm smarter than you, B'Elanna. Ha ha.
Janeway: You know, the kid's got a point.

Some Kraylor: Save us!
Kim: I'm really not supposed to.
Some Kraylor: Please?
Kim: Okay.

Loken: Hi guys. The officers are all dead.
Kim: Oo, that's handy.

Kim: I understand your problem, Terek.
Terek: You mean you were caught in a disaster as a young man and had to struggle to survive?
Kim: No, I mean I've seen my superiors conveniently die. Way back in "Caretaker."

Torres: Hey there. So...do you like stuff?
Icheb: Are you kidding? I'm a complete loser.
Torres: Nah, you're a cutie. Catch you later, babe.
Icheb: Uh oh -- is she coming on to me?

Loken: You've got to help us get home! We have to deliver medicine or something.
Kim: That does sound important.

Annari: My people are very generous and nice.
Janeway: And will you be firing on us later in the episode?
Kim: (over the comm) Hey Mom, can I bring my new friends over to visit?
Janeway: Shut up! You're interrupting delicate negotiations.

Kim: Come on, give me a chance to play captain!
Janeway: Absolutely not.
Kim: Please?
Janeway: Okay. Wow, you're as persuasive as Some Kraylor!

Icheb: Hey Doc, how do you know if someone's hot for you?
Doc: By using technobabble, of course!

Paris: Come on, can I tag along? Pleeeeeease?
Kim: Get your own "command" episode, you moocher!

Neelix: You need to be more decisive, Harry.
Kim: No!
Neelix: That's the spirit!

Seven: Okay, let's get this catastrophe on the road!
Loken: Hey, why did you bring her?
Kim: Because she has big -- um, skills.

Kim: Being in command is spiffy!
Seven: How nice for you. Just be careful not to micromanage.
Kim: Who, me? Hey, Terek, you're messing up! Better let me do all your work.

Icheb: And then we should put the fluxificator in the aqueziaputron.
Torres: Boy, you sure are smart! Far too smart to, say, scan a coworker.
Icheb: Um, yes. Of course. Could you turn around for a sec?

Loken: The cloaking system is breaking down, you idiot! What are you going to do about it?
Kim: Same thing I always do: sit back and wait for the problem to go away! Da da da da da, da da da da....

Seven: I'll put this as gently as I can, Harry: you suck.
Kim: Yeah, well -- you don't! Wait, that's not an insult....

Terek: A bunch of Bad Guy ships just spotted us!
Kim: That kinda sucks. Let's do something.
Loken: Like what?
Kim: Um...er...you know.
Dayla: Screw it, I'll just go die heroically.

Kim: You're no doctor!
Loken: How did you know?
Kim: I noticed that I could read your handwriting. What's this mission really about?
Loken: Fine, you got me. It's all about the cloaking device.
Kim: Are you lying?
Loken: No.
Kim: You would say that, wouldn't you? I'm taking us home to Mommy!
Loken: Says you. Take him away, boys.

Icheb: AAAAA! Tom Paris! Please don't kill me!
Paris: Why would I do that? It's not like you're making a play for B'Elanna or something.
Icheb: Um, yeah. That's right. Of course. Quick, look over there!

Icheb: You want me. Admit it.
Torres: Will that shut you up?
Icheb: Yes.
Torres: Okay, I want you.
Icheb: That's inappropriate. Take a hike!
Torres: Aw.

Seven: Don't give up, Harry! You'll suck if you do!
Kim: I thought I already sucked.
Seven: Well, you'll suck more.

Loken: There's our planet. But how do we get past the Bad Guys?
Kim: I'll handle it! I've changed my mind and decided to return.
Loken: Actually, we kicked you out.
Kim: Details.

Annari: We've decided we don't like you guys after all. Get lost!
Janeway: In a pig's eye! Let's go beat them up.
Chakotay: Aren't we in the middle of an overh--
Janeway: One more syllable and you're fired, chump.

Terek: Aiieee! We're dead!
Kim: Don't give up hope -- there's still technobabble! I don't think I've used up my quota for this episode yet....
Terek: Yes! Our anaglactic beam emission caused a feedback overload in their tachyonicitous deflector matrix!
Kim: Excellent.

Acting Captain's Log: I, the mighty hero, saved the day. Kinda.

Neelix: So, how're the old command skills?
Kim: Pretty lame. But hey, who cares?
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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