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Five-Minute "Magpie"

by Zeke

Seven: Icheb, go to Astrometrics.
Naomi: Aw, don't separate us! We're trying to get the I/N shipper movement going!
Seven: Welllll....
Ratty: I think I'll take this opportunity to escape.

Janeway: Hmm...what redundant J/C angst shall I generate today?

Doc: Fix my emitter.
Torres: Make me.
Doc: If you don't, I'll indulge in meaningless wordplay. For example, have you ever noticed that my name ends with the first three letters of yours? If we're ever merged in a transporter accident, we can call ourselves "Doctorres."
Torres: Give me the emitter already.

Naomi: I'm not looking for my escaped rat, I'm...um...playing with my imaginary friend.
Seven: You should use holograms like the rest of us.

Chell: Now that we've resupplied, you can have some leola.
Naomi: Just when in the hell did we resupply?
Chell: It's a secret.

Janeway: Hmm...an asteroid belt. Let's resupply.
Chakotay: Didn't we already do that?
Janeway: Shh! It's a secret. Anyway, let's ask B'Elanna.
Torres: (over the comm) Yes. It is a good idea. Let us resupply. There, I've said it -- now will you stop holding Miral hostage?
Janeway: No.

Naomi: WAAAA! My rat escaped!
Wildman: Look on the bright side: now it can spread germs and disease all over the ship.
Naomi: How is that a bright side?
Wildman: My lack of appearances in Season 7 has given me a lust for revenge.

Tuvok: So your locket was stolen, Ensign?
Wildman: KILL! KILL! KILL!
Tuvok: At last I know why senior officers have been forbidden to talk to you.

Janeway: Chakotay, you'll lead the resupplying mission.
Seven: In that case, I volunteer Icheb to go too. And also the two most annoying of the new crew members.
Janeway: You took the words right out of my mouth.
Chakotay: Sigh. Having two 'ships simultaneously seemed like a good idea at the time....

Tuvok: Somebody's been stealing shiny objects. Also, a rat is missing.
Chakotay: Should I be making some sort of connection here?
Tuvok: Nah. Anyway, allow me to give you some sage advice about dealing with Janeway.
Chakotay: Sage...that's a spice, right?
Tuvok: Forget it. I don't have thyme for these puns.

Doc: Computer, make me a Klingon.
Computer: Fine. But this had better not lead to stuffing people in the morgue again.

Paris: You need a check-up.
Janeway: That's a thought...but I already have a helmsman.
Paris: Um...I said check-up, not Chekov....
Janeway: I guess you'll have to do. Start bragging about Russia.

Klingon Doc: Hi, I'm --
Klingon Doc: Oops. I should try that again. Hi, I'm --
Klingon Doc: Hey, since when do you scare so easily? Aren't you that tough-as-nails Maquis guy from "Learning Curve"?
Dalby: That was back in Season 1. Nobody's supposed to remember that far.

Chakotay: What's eating you?
Icheb: Teen angst. I miss Naomi.
Chakotay: Rats...I was hoping the answer would be some sort of space monster.

Klingon Doc: I can't get out of this Klingon form.
Torres: Why did you take it in the first place?
Klingon Doc: I'm hoping to make a fortune writing Klingon Like Me.

Janeway: Somebody stole my rank pips!
Tuvok: I see, Crewman.
Janeway: Shut up and hunt the thief down.
Tuvok: Silence. I give the orders around here now.

Kim: Hey, it was the rat who stole all that stuff!
Seven: Sure didn't see that coming.

Naomi: Yay! You found my rat!
Seven: Yep, our tricorders pinned him down easily.
Naomi: Then why didn't you do it sooner?
Kim: There was a debate over whether or not it would be cheating.

Naomi: Don't kill me!
Wildman: Don't kill her!
Klingon Doc: Make me bald again!
Janeway: Silence or I'll have you all beheaded. Power is good.

Naomi: I miss the Alpha Quadrant for some reason.
Janeway: Blame the Borg. I always do.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on July 19, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2001, Zeke.