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Five-Minute "Fair-Weather Friends"

by Zeke

Seven: Hi Harry. I'm so glad you're not Chakotay.
Kim: When will the mean-spirited little slaps at C/7 end?
Seven: Never. Accept it.

Torres: I'd like a bunch more crew members for repairs.
Janeway: Okay.
Seven: I'll have what she's having.
Janeway: Okay.
Paris: Oo, this is promising. I'd like infinite replicator privileges and my own personal White Star.
Janeway: Okay. Except no.
Paris: Rats.

Chakotay: Time for the first of several identical J/C scenes where I'm earnest and you're sullen.
Janeway: Well, at least it's us. That should help.
Chakotay: I dunno...Seven does "pouty" a lot better than you do.

Chell: Hey Naomi, let's examine the foodstuffs.
Naomi: First you started cooking, now you're spending time with me...just how far will you go to become Neelix?
Chell: The species-change operation is next week.

Chakotay: J/C Angst Scene #2: I think you should talk to the crew.
Janeway: I respond to this with angst.

Chakotay to all hands: Guess who's screwed even worse than before? That's right -- us!

Vorik: We need help in Engineering, and Torres is tied up.
Chakotay: What about Nicolletti? Wasn't she some sort of big shot back in "Hiatus"?
Vorik: She's...um...dead. Yeah.

Harren: I have lots of insane conspiracy theories about Janeway.
Chakotay: Sounds like good crew-unrest fodder. Go tell somebody gullible.
Kim: Oo, oo! That's my department!

Janeway: Here I am alone in my quarters, lost in dark thoughts...do I have a flair for drama or what?

Chell: Hey! Stop eating so much.
Marty: But you just ate twice this much.
Chell: That's because I have catching up to do. Neelix was pretty chubby.

Telfer: Janeway betrayed us? I'm way too big a suck-up to believe that.
Harren: I knew I should have stuck with Kim.

Chakotay: J/C Angst Scene #3: You need to stop moping.
Janeway: I respond to this with angst.

Harren: ...and then Janeway stranded us here for no discernable reason.
Crowd: GASP!
Paris: Oh, you suckers. Harren's theory is less realistic than C/7.
Harren: Take that back!

Chakotay: J/C Angst Scene #4: You need to talk to someone about your problems.
Janeway: I respond to this with angst.

Chakotay: Okay, let's have a "private" conversation to undermine Harren's claims. (ahem) So, Tom, what do you think of this Janeway-betrayed-us-all theory?
Paris: She did? Hey! That's not fair at all! Kill the traitor!
Chakotay: This went much better in rehearsal.

Chell: So you've been stealing desperately-needed food for your pet alien rat?
Naomi: That's about the size of it, yeah.
Chell: I should put you under arrest. Unfortunately, Neelix would never do such a thing.

Chakotay: J/C Angst Scene #5: Pretty much the same as the last four.
Janeway: I respond to this with slightly less angst because I need to get a bit more sympathetic in time for my log entry.

Captain's Log: There seems to be a lot of J/C angst floating around. I blame him.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on July 11, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2001, Zeke.