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Five-Minute "Latent Image"

by Zeke

Naomi: Is my checkup done now?
Doc: Yes. You're in perfect health for a hideous freak of nature.
Naomi: Thanks!

Doc: Hmm... it seems I've operated on you.
Kim: I don't remember that, but I was probably asleep at the time.
Doc: But I don't remember either!
Kim: Maybe you were asleep too.

Doc: Why must you always avoid checkups, Captain?
Janeway: Think about it. If I turn out to have a medical problem, who ends up in command?
Doc: Point taken. Anyway, you might be interested to know that I seem to have operated on Kim and then forgotten about it.
Janeway: Any theories?
Doc: My best guess is that the operation was for some really embarrassing medical problem, so he wiped my memories of it.
Janeway: That's uncomfortably close to the truth....

Doc: Care to help me confirm a theory?
Seven: No way.
Doc: It involves serious embarrassment for Harry.
Seven: What time should I show up?

Seven: Hey Doc. I'm back to help you with your theory, like you asked.
Doc: I don't remember that. Maybe I was asleep at the time.
Seven: No no, it looks like someone erased you memory of that too.
Doc: Oh my God, it's the Men in Black!

Naomi: Hey, wait a minute....

Doc: Let's check my camera. I took lots of pictures back in Season 3.
Seven: No you didn't.
Doc: Ah, but I have this time-traveling camera that takes pictures from two years ago. Neat, eh?

Janeway: So your pictures showed some sort of bizarre alien attacker?
Doc: Not just that -- there was a woman in a Starfleet uniform whom I've never seen.
Janeway: That was Harry in drag. He spent a week that way, and yours were the only memories he could wipe.
Doc: But Harry was there too!
Janeway: That was Tom covering for him.
Doc: But Tom showed up too!
Chakotay: Oh, that was me.

Doc: I have a plan. If somebody comes in here, I'll get my holocamera to take their picture.
Computer: Then you expose their scheme?
Doc: Then I draw a mustache on the picture and laugh at my comedic genius.

Naomi: Well, something will have to be done about this....

Doc: Good morning, Geordi. I seem to be missing several memory engrams.
Computer: Beep.
Doc: There they are. Now let's look at that picture -- oh no! It was Janeway! And she was humming!
Holo-Janeway: Here come the Men in Black...we won't let you remember....
Doc: I knew it!

Janeway: Challenging me on the bridge? How very "The Disease" of you.
Doc: Silence! I know what you did last season, and your attempts to frame Harry are futile.
Kim: What the--? You've been trying to frame me?
Janeway: Calm down. All I accused you of was cross-dressing and altering the Doctor's program, which is nothing you haven't done before.
Kim: Captain, will you please keep your voice down?

Paris: Time to clean out those memories, Doc.
Doc: Come on! Do you actually agree with Janeway here?
Paris: Considering that the last person who disagreed with Janeway is currently sucking vacuum, I'm going to say yes.

Seven: What you're doing is wrong.
Janeway: Look, Doc is like a replicator. I called him a glorified hypospray once and he never forgave me.
Seven: So what am I -- a glorified nanoprobe?
Janeway: I think you're being a little presumptuous.

Janeway: After listening to Seven's wise words, I've decided to give you a flashback before re-brainwashing you.
Doc: What purpose would that serve? It's not like I'll remember.
Janeway: The audience, Doc. Think of the audience.

Everyone: Happy birthday, Ensign Jetal!
Janeway: Rats...I forgot to get her a present. I'll have to give her death.

Doc: Here we are in the Shuttle of Loooooove.
Kim: Stop saying that. There's nothing between me and Jetal.
Jetal: Including uniforms sometimes!
Kim: Ahni, you're just encouraging him....
Alien: I'm jealous of you two. You can die now.

Doc: They've both been blasted -- I can only save one! Which do I choose?
Paris: Hi, I'm here on behalf of the United Parismount Network to remind you that we won't have to pay Garrett Wang anymore if Kim dies.
Doc: Then I shall save him, and stick it to the Man.

Janeway: After that you started agonizing, whining, screaming like a little girl, and generally making a nuisance of yourself.
Doc: I can see why! How could I let that hot chick die? HOW?
Torres: Well, you did save Harry....
Doc: That's the point! I chose him over a total babe! What the heck is wrong with m--
Janeway: Um...B'Elanna, did you just shut him down?
Torres: Wasn't me. Wasn't it you?
Naomi: It was I! BWAHAHAHAHA! That'll teach him to call me a freak!
Janeway: Hang on. You've been building suspense throughout this fiver, but all you do for revenge is this? Is this the best you can do?
Naomi: Yes it is, ma'am.

Janeway: So...think I should let Doc keep his memories?
Seven: Why, no. I've decided to suddenly change the opinion I've been stating all episode.
Janeway: Really?
Seven: No, moron.

Captain's Log: Well, I prefer Harry to Jetal. I don't care what the rest of you think.

Doc: You don't need to stay with me, Captain. Get some rest.
Janeway: You're sure? No going violently insane?
Doc: I'll be as sane as rain in Spain.
Janeway: Okay. Goodnight, Doc.
Doc: HAHA! Now that she's gone I can plot my takeover of the ship! MWAHAHAHA!
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on August 14, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2002, Zeke.