Male Crewman: Hey baby, are you a Gemini? 'Cuz your twins are--
Female Crewman: Network television, bub.
Chakotay: Hey! You minor characters can't get any action before the rest of us.
Paris: Bye, Kes.
Neelix: Hey! Quit hitting on my girlfriend!
Paris: Huh? Um...ooookay. You had better stop being so jealous or Kes might dump you. She might even start dating me.
Neelix: Pfft. Not in this timeline.
Neelix: Here's lunch -- eeew! There's a beetle in it!
Kes: Beetles or Neelix's cooking...well, that's a no-brainer.
Neelix: So, are you hun...uh, Kes?
Kes: Crunch. Chomp. Munch. Mmm -- beetles.
Chakotay: Speaking of mating behavior....
Janeway: Don't even bother.
Chakotay: Aw, phooey.
Paris: If you want to get it on with the Captain, you should try kidnapping her and mutating yourselves into lizards.
Chakotay: That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard...will it work?
Paris: Ohhhh yeah.
Janeway: Quiet! That hasn't happened yet. And you're not even in this scene.
Paris: Oops. Forget I said aything.
Kim: I'm detecting some weird technobabble.
Janeway: A possibly dangerous anomaly that we know nothing about?
Kim: Yeah. I suppose we should steer clear.
Janeway: Ha! Good one, Ensign. Take us in, Mr. Paris.
Organisms: Hellooo baby. Hubba hubba.
Voyager: Not even if you were the last space-dwelling organisms in the sector.
Organisms: Well, it just so happens....
Voyager: Aw, nuts.
Janeway: Hmm...okay, this is not looking good. Maybe we should leave after all.
Kim: See? I told you so!
Janeway: Shut up, Harry. Tom, get us out of here.
Paris: Yes, Capt--oops.
Janeway: "Oops"? Hey, we're heading in the wrong direction!
Paris: I said "oops"! It's not my fault the 'get us out of here' button is right next to the 'take us closer' button.
Kes: Any Talaxians whose Ocampan girlfriends aren't prematurely entering the only time in their life when they can have children, raise your hands.
Neelix: Oo! Oo!
Kes: Neelix, put your hand down.
Neelix: But why? You're not...oh.
Voyager: Um...slimy space organisms that suck on my hull really aren't my type.
Bigger Organism: Hey, punk! Get away from my honey!
Voyager: Uh oh.
Neelix: You know, Kes, I've changed my mind. It might be nice to have a kid. I wonder what our child would look like.
Kes: Yeah, I wonder.
Kes: On second thought, no.
Kes: I have to go meditate with Tuvok now to purge that mental image from my psyche.
Chakotay: I think we're creating sexual tension.
Janeway: I thought I told you to stop pushing for J/C.
Chakotay: I was talking about the creatures.
Kim: Look -- they're getting it on!
Chakotay: Hint hint.
Janeway: Ugh. Every time I think I've seen the lowest possible level of intelligence, I get proven wrong.
Chakotay: In all fairness, they're only space-dwelling organisms.
Janeway: I wasn't talking about the creatures.
Chakotay: Oh...hey! Wait a minute!
Ensign Wildman: Permission to bring aboard a recurring character, Captain.
Janeway: Granted, on the condition that she be born during a shipwide crisis. Let's see...we left DS9 last season, so she should arrive...three months ago?
Wildman: Yeah, I know. Don't bother trying to figure it out.
Chakotay: Come on! Please? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?
Janeway: Not in a million years, bub.
Chakotay: Not even if we were stranded alone on a deserted planet?
Janeway: Oh, please...what are the chances of that?
Chakotay: Rats. So, Tom...tell me more about this whole "mutating the Captain into a lizard" thing....
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)
Previous fiver: Projections
Next fiver: Non Sequitur
Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, Kira.
___ Five-Minute Voyager
___ ___ Season 2
___ ___ ___ Five-Minute "Elogium"
DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.
All material © 2001, Carolyn Paterson.