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Five-Minute "Dark Frontier"

by Zeke

Borg: We're Borg. Get assimilated. Resistance sucks.
Janeway: No, you do. Blow 'em up, boys.
Tuvok: Target destroyed.
Janeway: Excellent. Let's steal their stuff.

Janeway: Look at all this. We rock!
Chakotay: Don't get used to it.
Janeway: I think I will.

Seven: I found a damaged sphere.
Janeway: Excellent. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Janeway: So the plan is, we break in and steal their transwarp coil. I call it Operation Fort Knox.
Paris: But nobody ever succeeded at breaking into--
Janeway: Quiet, you!

Janeway: Think you could look up your parents' notes? They were experts on the Borg.
Seven: But they got themselves assimi--
Janeway: Quiet, you!

Neelix: Here's the stuff. Your parents studied the Borg, eh?
Seven: Yes. They sucked.
Neelix: Yeah, but what're you gonna do?

Magnus: Mind if we leave Earth and never come back, honey?
Annika: Okay.

Annika: I can't sleep.
Magnus: Okay, don't.
Erin: Hey, a cube!
Magnus: Excellent. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Chakotay: There's the sphere.
Everybody: Ooooooo.

Chakotay: Guys, you're just about out of time!
Seven: Wait -- I need to pause ominously. Okay, now I'm ready.
Janeway: Energize!
Chakotay: Well, now you've done it! There's Borg up here!
Janeway: Oh well. End program.

Naomi: Hi, Seven. Mind if I freak you out by imitating your younger self?
Seven: Yes.
Naomi: Too bad. Check out my new implant!
Borg Queen: Hey, Seven. Wanna save your crew's lives by rejoining us?
Seven: I'll think about it.

Magnus: Eww, they're dismantling that drone.
Erin: (over the comm) You'd better come back before they see you.
Magnus: Nah.

Seven: My parents used these thingies to hide from the Borg.
Doc: Sounds like you're starting to like them now.
Seven: They sucked! How many times do I have to tell you?

Janeway: Never mind, I want you on the ship.
Seven: I don't want me on the ship!
Janeway: Okay.

Borg: Hey, that shuttle looks cool. Let's get it. Wakey wakey.

Janeway: They're getting the shuttle. Let's move!

Tuvok: There goes the coil.
Janeway: We did it! Let's get out of here!
Seven: No.
Janeway: Please?
Seven: No.
Janeway: Okay. Bye.

Paris: There goes the sphere.
Kim: We won and yet we lost. I sure hope there's a Part Two....

Borg Queen: Welcome home.
Seven: Uh oh....

Borg Queen: I put you on Voyager.
Seven: Liar.
Borg Queen: Go to your room!

Chakotay: Maybe she was planning to leave anyway.
Neelix: Maybe we should shut down her alcove.
Janeway: Maybe you both suck!

Naomi: Try getting her back like this.
Janeway: No. But we will get her back.
Naomi: Aw.

Seven: What now?
Borg Queen: I dunno. We could go assimilate some people, I guess.
Seven: I object.
Borg Queen: In that case, let's do it.

Magnus: Now this drone is cool.
Annika: Why?
Magnus: He works for the Queen.
Annika: Don't they all?
Magnus: Quiet, you!

Chakotay: The Hansens were smart, but they messed up.
Janeway: Let's do exactly what they did and see what happens.

Janeway: So the plan is, we'll take the Delta Flyer after Seven and possibly never come back.
Paris: Bravo! Brilliant plan!
Janeway: You're coming.
Paris: Damn.

Borg Queen: The aliens are blowing us up. What do we do?
Seven: This.
Borg Queen: Good job. Now go watch them all get assimilated.

Seven: Eww! This is disgusting. I think I'll save a few.

Borg Queen: Did you have fun?
Seven: No!
Borg Queen: Not my fault. By the way, I'm not going to let those guys you saved escape.
Seven: Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Borg Queen: Oh, all right.

Erin: Uh oh, the Borg saw us!
Annika: They're gonna assimilate us, aren't they?
Magnus: Look on the bright side -- it's just for the next 18 years or so.

Doc: You know, Seven was right. Her parents did suck.
Janeway: At least their suckrifice was not in vain.
Doc: One more pun and I'm ruling you unfit for duty.

Paris: There it is -- the Borg omnicomplex thingy.
Everybody: Ooooooo.

Seven: I am not helping you assimilate humanity!
Borg Queen: Come on. You know you want to. All your friends are doing it.
Magnus the Drone: Join us...join us....
Borg Queen: Hold the Evil Dead parodies -- here comes Janeway.

Tuvok: There she is. Let's go kick some Borg butt.

Borg Queen: I say "humph" to their sort-of-cloaking-device. We'll get 'em.
Seven: No you won't.
Borg Queen: Shut up, you!

Janeway: I'm in!
Tuvok: Yeah, but they can see you now.
Janeway: Boy, it's just one thing after another around here.

Doctor: AAAAAAH! They're shooting us!
Paris: What did you expect, chocolates?

Janeway: Pick me!
Borg Queen: No, pick me!
Seven: Now that's a no-brainer. Let's blow this joint!

Doc: We got her back! What a happy ending.
Paris: Ain't over yet -- Queenie's in pursuit.
Janeway: Set course back for Voyager and burn rubber!

Torres: Something suspiciously Borg-like is coming.
Chakotay: Uh oh. Let's get ready to rumble!

Janeway: We're back, and we've got Seven!
Chakotay: Cool.
Janeway: Oh yeah, and there's Borg.
Chakotay: Blow 'em up, boys.

Captain's Log: We kicked some Borg butt.

Seven: Sorry about all that stuff, Captain.
Janeway: Hey, don't sweat it. Now go to your room.
(Voyager continues homeward at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on September 21, 2000.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2000, Zeke.