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Five-Minute "Patterns of Force"

by Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg

Kirk: Uhura, keep trying for John Gill on the comm. He's supposed to be on Ekos.
McCoy: No one has heard of him for six months. Does that make him Gill Sans?
Spock: I don't pardon your French, Doctor, and there is a V-2 rocket probe approaching.
Kirk: Leave the redshirts to deal with the warhead; I wish to deal with some redheads.

Kirk: It's so Earth-like. Nudge, nudge, know what I mean?
Spock: Fascinating how we always seem to run into those environments...
Zeon Man: Hide -- they're right behind me!
Ekosian Guard: On your feet, Zeon pig! Now march -- it's off to the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Kirk: What is that strange way of moving?
Spock: They are goo-stepping, I believe.
Kirk: I believe the term is goose-stepping.
Spock: Not this time. A guard stepped in a mud puddle.

PA: Attention! The Fuhrer wants all Zeons to go down the drain. Sieg Heil!
Kirk: Nazi Germany, and John Gill as the Fuhrer -- what are the odds of that?
Spock: You should know better than to get me started on those calculations.
Kirk: Then let's get some disguise. (POW) Ooh, that's a nice helmet.
Spock: (PINCH) I am all ears, Captain. And you were born to be in a Gestapo uniform.

Ekosian Guard: Where are your papers?
Spock: If you are referring to the publication known as "The Times," it went out of print centuries ago.
Kirk: He means your orders, Lieutenant. We captured a Zeon.
Spock: Oh, I'm quite orderly. Here you go. And this Zeon is by no means a cover-up.
Ekosian Guard: But your helmet is. Into the comfy chairs you both go!

Ekosian: Tell me all you know and I'll report to Chairman Yrrebneddor.
Kirk: Wasn't his name Eneg? Oh, the pain!
Chairman Eneg: I detest being greeted in such a fashion. Whip him a bit more.
Kirk: As long as I can step on your corns, I'll grin and bear it.

Kirk: How do we get out of this prison?
Spock: I say we couple our transponder chips, make a crude laser, and burn a metal lock.
Kirk: Only in the world of Star Trek.... very well. Hey, get off my back!
Spock: Just .56 seconds, Jim. I am ever so grateful you are not standing on me.
Kirk: I thought Vulcans had done away with emotions.
Spock: We have, but we are sensitive to what is known as a pain in the neck.

Spock: Guard! We are ready to talk!
Kirk: Spock, you just got us out of a pinch, and with the guard's uniform, we can steal a car.
Spock: I remember your driving in "A Piece of the Action" -- are you sure there is no other way?
Abrom: I don't know what you're driving at, but take me with you, please?

Daras: Hands in the air, Zeon swine!
Kirk: Hello-o-o, token blonde. It's a pity I don't go for women in uniform.
Spock: We need to convince them we are with the Zeons, Captain.
Kirk: Then I'll have to make an exception just this once.

Spock: We need to find John Gill. At least we have our communicators.
Daras: You could always tag along -- I'm invited to the Führer's speech tonight.
Kirk: Will you wear a low-cut dress?
Daras: No, I stay in uniform.
Kirk: Aw, shucks.

Spock: I know where John is -- over in Wilke's Booth, drugged.
Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down Doctor McCoy.
Spock: Ah, for a physician to cure someone who may be mental.
McCoy: All right, you two, I'm here. Keep your boots on.

Kirk: We need to get through to John Gill. Spock, any ideas?
Spock: Captain, remember.... Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer?
Kirk: Sure -- yes.... Ja. Beierhund das oder die Flipperwald gesprut!
Guards: HAHAHAH-- GAK!

Melakon: Listen, good people -- the Führer wants more warfare.
Kirk: Gill, we come in peace -- (SLAP)
Gill: Jimbo? This society was divided, but Melakon went too far.
Kirk: Then speak. I'll broadcast.
Gill: This war must stop! Melakon is evil -- GAK!

Daras: I didn't trust you at first, but you're okay.
Kirk: You're a fine one to talk about trust -- you turned your own father in. Now, what about us?
Daras: Nope, find someone who is more willing.
Spock: Jim, you should know that two out of three -- "ready" and "able" -- aren't enough.

Spock: Fascinating how Earth's history is made up of wars.
McCoy: And let me tell you about these two interesting races, Vulcans and Romulans --
Kirk: Gentlemen, don't mention the war. Chekov, take us out of orbit -- Warp 2, and hurry.
Chekov: Like you always do with your lines? Right.
(The Enterprise warps off at Medium Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on February 18, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2006, Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg.