Data: Excuse me, no repairs were authorized on this deck.|
Construction Workers: Damn the bleeping Starfleet regulations. Did you know that in the Maquis, if something's broken, they just fix it?
Data: But this is working fine, and you're breaking it.
Construction Workers: You also look like something that's working fine and would be incredibly fun to break!
Data: Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
Picard: Unbelievable. The Admirals have failed to invite me to their banquet yet again! I'm starting to suspect they find me boring.
Riker: Perish the thought, Captain!
Picard: Well, I'm going. They must hear my fascinating theories on the Egyptian-Hittite battle of 1294 BC.
Riker: Here we go again... It was a draw, get over it!
La Forge: So Data, what's in those dreams of yours? Lions, tigers, bears, Gollum?
Data: Actually, there were some construction workers.
La Forge: So you're dreaming about construction workers, eh? Interesting!
Data: Why so, Geordi?
La Forge: Well it was about time for this show to get a gay character. I just never expected it would be you.
Picard: Are we ready to activate the new warp core?
La Forge: (over the comm) Almost. You just have to choose between the Coaxial Warp Drive mode, the Quantum Slipstream mode and the Hindenburg mode.
Picard: You pick one. I don't care, as long as it works.
Worf: A modified warp core on a Starfleet ship that works? Hah! And targs fly!
Troi: Data, why are you staring at Spot like a maniac?
Data: I'm jealous because he sleeps so peacefully. If I freak him out, perhaps he'll have nightmares too.
Troi: Okay, listen. I've been meaning to ask you this for days... do androids dream of electric sheep?
Data: Well I'm glad you asked, because....
Alarm Clock: BEEP!
Data: Sorry. I'm past my bedtime.
Troi: Wait! Tell me! I NEED TO KNOW!
Data: Hmm, what an interesting dream. Lt. Worf is eating a comm badge cake.
Worf: Grrr. They were out of comm badge pie.
Data: Oh my Lord! Is that Troi served on the table and frosted?
Worf: It was bound to happen. She had eaten so many chocolate cakes in her life that she now turned into one.
Dr. Freud: It's all your mother's fault.
Data: But wait, I haven't even told you....
Dr. Freud: Mother.
Data: But I don't have a mother.
Dr. Freud: MOTHER!
Data: I see you're tremendously useful, just like any other Counsellor.
Picard: Well, Admiral Nakamura, you have run out of your excuses. I am coming.
Nakamura: Oh Captain, you could always email us your insights into the Egyptian-Hittite battle. Or drop the subject entirely! It was a draw!
Picard: It was not! The Egyptians won! Ramses II says so!
Nakamura: And why should Ramses II be trusted?
Picard: Because he wasn`t influenced by Romulan astronauts, like those deceptive and double-crossing Hittites!
La Forge: (over the comm) Okay, let's try out the new warp core again.
Riker: Everyone say Edsel!
Warp core: Pbbbt.
Riker: Neat. It has a Dreadnought mode!
Data: Hey Geordi! What is that strange mouth on your neck?
La Forge: A mouth on my neck? You're getting weird, Data.
Data: It's been a really weird day. There is something strange happening on the Enterprise!
La Forge: Oh my. As opposed to the other 364 days of the year when something strange also happens on the Enterprise? How shocking!
Troi: Lalala... I've got faith, of the heeeart... Hey Data, why are you stalking me? With that big knife?
Data: Time to find out if you're really a chocolate-based lifeform posing as a humanoid. STAB!
Data: And so I was dreaming that Dr. Crusher was sucking something on a straw from Commander Riker's head. I can't imagine what, but still....
Picard: Okay, enough. Anyone here have a solution to Mr. Data's problem? Doctor?
Crusher: Sure I do, Jean Luc. And it's great. It's called -- A STRAIGHTJACKET!
Riker: She's no help at all.
La Forge: Like son, like mother.
Data: Thanks for taking care of Spot, Worf. Remember, you must bathe him, kiss him and read Jane Austen to him.
Worf: All that might turn him into a girl!
Data: Never mind. I'll just be sitting here in a good mood and singing cheerfully!
Data: Yesterday... All my troubles seemed so far away....
Crusher: Well, astonishingly enough, nothing is wrong with Data. Something, though, is wrong with the Universe.
Riker: Horrible! Interphasic parasites, on our bodies!
Picard: I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one.
Picard: We'll link your mind to the Holodeck now, Data. Don't worry, Holodecks are perfectly safe.
La Forge: Then we'll be able to stroll around your darkest, scariest nightmares!
Data: If you encounter a warp core breach and start believing you're impervious to antimatter explosions -- I'm still dreaming.
Picard: Sweet nightmares, Mr. Data!
Data: How thoughtful of you, sir.
Picard: Do you perhaps want a little bedtime story? A Stephen King novel? Anne Rice?
Dr. Freud: Guten Tag! Willkommen in Data's Kopf!
Construction workers: SHOOT! BANG!
La Forge: Oh my God! The construction workers killed the doctor!
Picard: This must be Data's repressed resentment of his father for telling him "Stop thinking about construction workers and find yourself a nice doctor!"
Data: A problem, sir. We've been doing so much to make this episode all cool and weird and... weird, so now it's no longer possible to resolve it nicely.
Picard: Oh well. All good things must come to an endgame. Mr. La Forge?
La Forge: I'll get some technobabble from the fridge.
Troi: Hello Data! Even though you`ve brutally stabbed me, I still like you, and I have a nice gift for you. A delicious chocolate cake!
Data: I am grateful, Counsellor, and you know I would be very happy to taste chocolate once, but I am an android -- I cannot eat.
Troi: Aw! Who knew? In that case, you`re free to watch... as I eat this huge, exquisite, scrumptuous cake... with thirty different layers of chocolate... right here, in front of you... Yum... Yum... YUM....
(Troi eats the cake at Very, Very Slow Speed)