Five-Minute "A Matter of Time"
by Kira

Captain's Log: The Enterprise is en route to Penthara IV--
Riker: Say, "Penthara" sounds a lot like "Panther."
Troi: I wonder if it's pink.
Picard: What have I told you about interrupting my logs with inane comments?

Riker: What's the prognosis, Geordi?
La Forge: Sucks to be the Pentharans, sir.

Worf: Captain, I have detected a temporal distortion.
Picard: But this is a "save the planet" episode, not a "time travel" episode.
Worf: Perhaps it is both.
Picard: Nonsense, that's ridiculous.

Rasmussen: Hi! I'm from the future!
Picard: I don't believe you.
Rasmussen: What if I compare you to famous historical figures?
Picard: Welcome aboard, Professor.

Riker: How do we know he's telling the truth?
Picard: He compared me to Caesar and Lincoln.
Riker: Sir, they were both assassinated.
Picard: Jealousy won't get you anywhere, Number One.

Picard: We're going to try creating a greenhouse effect to raise the temperature on the surface.
Mosely: Won't it take a long time to build a greenhouse that big?
Picard: Er…I think I'll leave Commander La Forge here to assist you.

Riker: What exactly are you here to witness?
Rasmussen: Does it really matter? Unless I've stumbled on a Holodeck episode, something's bound to happen.

Enterprise: Zap! Zap!
Penthara IV: Ow! What was that for?
Volcanoes: You are so going to hear from me later.

Troi: I don't trust you.
Rasmussen: Uh oh. Can you sense that I'm lying?
Troi: No. Why do you ask?
Rasmussen: No reason.

La Forge: (over the comm) Captain, our firing on the planet made the situation worse.
Picard: Crud.
La Forge: But there's a way to fix everything.
Picard: Good.
La Forge: If it goes wrong everyone will die.
Picard: Crud.
La Forge: But if we do nothing they'll all die anyways.
Picard: Good.
La Forge: Sir?
Picard: Sorry, got into a groove there.

Rasmussen: Let me guess -- you want me to tell you what to do.
Picard: No, of course not. That would go against all my Starfleet principles. I want you to tell me what I did.
Rasmussen: What if you manipulate the timeline and people die?
Picard: Nonsense. I would never do anything that stupid and irresponsible.

Captain's Log: What the heck, let's try it. If all the colonists get vaporized, I'll blame it on some kind of Temporal Cold War.

Picard: There's no guarantee this will work.
La Forge: (over the comm) Captain, I'd like to remain on the planet.
Picard: Never mind, I take that back.

Rasmussen: I'm not really from the future.
Data: You are from the past?
Rasmussen: Yes, but I'm in the future.
Data: You said you were in the past.
Rasmussen: No, the owner of this ship was in the past. I'm in the future. Which is the present.
Data: My processors hurt.

Data: What do you hope to accomplish?
Rasmussen: I'm going to be the greatest inventor ever. Take this weapon, for example. I think I'll call it…a phase pistol. Let's see if it works….
Phaser: (fizz)
Data: Ha! We've deactivated all your stolen stuff.
Rasmussen: Touché, Inspector Clouseau.
Data: Who?
Rasmussen: Never mind.

(The ship vanishes)
Rasmussen: Oh no! I'm stuck here in the past! No, wait, the future! Er, I mean....
Picard: Guards, put this man in the brig.
Rasmussen: The brig? What for?
Picard: To do time, of course.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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