The Dicer is Coming!

[Nate the Great]

Entry Ten, "Seth"

JACOB: Hi guys. Ready for another mission that will take up an hour of screen time?
SG-1: Sure!
TEAL'C: Indeed.

Zzzz....

JACOB: The Tok'ra have been trying to keep track of all of the Goa'uld but we can't find Seth.
O'NEILL: Bummer.
JACOB: We think he's still on Earth.
O'NEILL: Double bummer.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

Zzzzz....wha-did something interesting happen? No? Okay-zzz......

DANIEL: By accessing classified files that I don't have access to I have located Seth's latest cult.
O'NEILL: Good for you. Let's go.

Needs more fleshing out. I couldn't have put in a Mission Impossible joke or something?

JASON: Hi. My kid's in Seth's cult. Want to hear my sob story?
O'NEILL: Maybe later.
JASON: You gonna save my Tommy?
O'NEILL: I'll think about it. Now go away.

Ugh. Could've written this one better.

HAMNER: Hi. I'm the annoying ATF guy who does know what you're doing but still blindly follows. After exchanging a bit of pseudo-threatening banter with O'Neill, of course.
O'NEILL: Whatever. Mind if I call the President?
HAMNER: Why not?

The ATF is the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. They're mentioned in the episode, but for fiver purposes I could've turned him into a generic cop or federal agent.

JACOB: Seth has this gas that can brainwash you and make you his slaves.
O'NEILL: Oh goody.
JACOB: The only way to cure it is by shocking the victim.
CARTER: Like with a zat gun.
JACOB: Teal'c and I are immune.
CARTER: Too bad Seth can detect your Goa'ulds.
JACOB: Yeah, bummer.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

Zzzzz.....

HAMNER: The President says I can trust you.
O'NEILL: I'm thrilled for you.

Bad punchline. Should've thrown in a "now dance for me! Dance!" joke or something...

CARTER: These gizmos will shock you after Seth has gassed you.
O'NEILL: Great. By the way, what will he do to us?
DANIEL: Well, Carter will be sent to his harem and we'll be posted as guards. Unless he makes us eunuchs.
O'NEILL: Umm...I pick door number one, Pat!

Ugh. Pat is Wheel of Fortune, should've said Monty...

SETH: You will be my slaves! Here's some brainwashing gas.
O'NEILL: I had gas for lunch. Maybe if you had a nice...Ack!

Nice...what? I forget. Should've had Seth do a time zone difference joke like "for me it's already tomorrow, so eat!"

SETH: You are all my guards. Repeat after me. 'Seth is great.'
ALL: Seth is great.
SETH: I didn't say Simon Says. Now you will be my eunuchs!

If I was going to bring up the eunuch thing this many times, I should've thrown in a few more variations on the joke.

JACOB: Shock them!
TEAL'C: Indeed.

Zzzzz.....

O'NEILL: Ouch! Hi Seth. We're here to free your slaves.
SETH: Yeah, right. Take them away!

I use "yeah, right" too much...

(O'Neill zats Tommy)
DANIEL: Tommy, right?
TOMMY: Yeah...do I know you?
O'NEILL: That doesn't matter. You need to get these people out of here.
TOMMY: OK.

Why didn't I have Jack say "Tommy...I know your father" or something....

SETH: Eat bomb!
O'NEILL: I had bomb--
SETH: You already did that joke!
O'NEILL: Oh, never mind.

This one's okay.

SETH: Tok'ra scum!
JACOB: Oh shut up.
CARTER: Time to die!
SETH: Why?
CARTER: Our hour's up.
SETH: Drat.

A character dies in a fiver and I don't use Gak? What's up with that?