Sleapers, Part 6
by IJD GAF
by IJD GAF
A manifestation of Alternate Universe Week
Zeke: Come ON! What's the hold up?|
IJD: It's been two minutes -- calm down, Zeke.
Zeke: Why am I the only one here who can't be patient?
Kira: The rest of us learned the talent from dealing with you.
Zeke: I fell right into that one.
Derek: Hey, somebody's coming!
(A figure approaches, with a vulture on his shoulder and waving a black flag).
Marc: Who are you?
Soon: My name is Greg Thaid, but most people call me "Soon."
Zeke: Greg "Soon" Thaid, eh? Interesting....
Soon: Colonel Saxon sent me to inform you that she does indeed plan to meet with you.
Derek: Terrific! When?
Marc: It seems that in this world, it's the Assistance who suffers from inefficiency. I'm assuming your government is extremely expedient?
Soon: Let me put it this way: I've already gotten my tax returns from 2009.
IJD: Nice. Anyway, how soon is soon?
Soon: That's my name.
IJD: Right -- what I mean is, how long before we can meet with Colonel Saxon?
Kira: I'm finding this irony quite refreshing.
Marc: Agreed. This is almost as fun as that world where whoopee cushions looked like pies.
Zeke: (grumble) Okay, I'm sick of waiting. (ahem) Colonel?
Saxon: Hey, what's with the hold-up?
Derek: Soon told us we had to wait to see you.
Saxon: No, no. I said "You'd have to meet us through Soon".
Saxon: I didn't call you.
Saxon: But Soon?
Saxon: You're fired.
Saxon: (ahem) Now then, how may I help you?
Zeke: We wish to evade capture.
Marc: (aside to Zeke) Do keep in mind we're asking this from an organization who hides in public parks.
Kira: Also keep in mind that last time we attempted to evade capture, it was by using the "homes" of militant hermit crab people.
Zeke: (pause) So will you help us?
Saxon: We can't right now. Maybe soon --
Saxon: Not you, you're still fired.
Saxon: (Ahem) Maybe shortly we'll have the time necessary to offer you assistance.
IJD: But all you're doing is picking strawberries!
Derek: Hey, don't criticize.
Saxon: This is just a cover for our more covert operations.
Kira: I see. So you won't help us?
Saxon: Afraid not.
Zeke: We're screwed.
Kira: Yep, we're screwed.
Iron Voice: Yep, you're screwed.
Iron Voice: You're screwed.
Marc: It was behind the tree.
Iron Voice: It was behind the tree.
(Windham steps out from behind the tree.)
IJD: Now they can see us.
Iron Voice: Now we can see you.
Derek: You can give it up, we know it's just you, Windham.
Windham: I can give up, you know it's just... argh.
(Twenty uniformed officers step out from behind various other trees.)
Windham: You see, I'm not actually a secret member of the anti-government Assistance movement. I'm a member of the "Thunk Police." The seven of you --
Windham: -- are under arrest.
Kira: Eighth! This is the eighth time!
(In response, twenty Assistance fighters step out of the strawberry patch.)
Saxon: You say that you are my judge. I don't know if you are, but --
Windham: Yeah, yeah.
(The inevitable shoot-out erupts in the park)
Zeke: Crap! What do we do?
Marc: Probably what we should've done in the first place -- we use our toaster to go elsewhere.
Zeke: Good plan.
(After a second's worth of tinkering, a portal appears on the edge of the park. The Sleapers enter, and leave the Mirror Universe denizens to do what they do best -- killing each other off)
TO BE CONTINUED....
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Got a comment on this part of "Sleapers"? Contact the author, IJD GAF.
DISCLAIMER: Yes, we're still breaking a few copyrights. Coincidentally, we're still insane. Now go fetch me my hunting rifle, it's cabbage season.
All material © 2003, IJD GAF.