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Sleapers, Part 3
by Kira
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A manifestation of Alternate Universe Week |
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As we left our heroes, they were in the clutches of the nefarious Sheriff Dean, trapped in a world where interdimensional travel is a crime. Without electricity to power their device, escape seems impossible -- could this be the end of the "Sleapers"? Marc: There's really no need to be so overly dramatic, Kira. Kira: (sulking) Zeke got to narrate. Dean: I said, what do you think you're doing? Kira: Nothing. We're figments of your imagination -- ignore us and we'll go away. Zeke: For the last time, Kira, you can't do Jedi Mind Tricks. Dean: Guards! Fetch the Baron! IJD: If we think quickly, we can probably outwit these guys. They don't seem too swift. Dean: I'm standing right here. (Pause) IJD: Okay, if we think quickly and talk quieter.... Marc: I'll only need another minute to get this battery hooked up to our device. Zeke: What? Another minute? Give me that. Marc: Okay, but what.... Zeke: (lobs the battery at the Sheriff) (Thunk) Dean: Oof.... Kira: Holy crow! How did you know that battery would knock him out? Zeke: Simple -- it's not an Energizer. Otherwise he would have just kept going and going and going.... IJD: (to Marc and Kira) Sound like anyone we know? Zeke: (glare) I don't recall seeing any of you knock out the Sheriff. Marc: Actually, we take turns knocking out the law enforcement every time you manage to get us arrested. You stole Kira's turn. Kira: I'll take a raincheck. So if it was my turn to knock out the guard, whose turn is it to break us out of prison? IJD: Mine, and I've already got a plan. (Cracks his knuckles and waves his arms around) Open sesame! Marc: You call that a plan? IJD: I don't remember you complaining on the wizard world. Marc: You had turned me into a ferret. IJD: Oh yeah. Okay, next plan. Anyone? Zeke: (reaches forward and opens the cell door) Yeah -- check first to see if this world uses locks. IJD: Hey! First you steal Kira's turn and now this? Zeke: Ah, the sweet smell of freedom. Kira: Is it just me, or does it smell more like "we're still really really screwed"? Zeke: It's just you. Marc: Actually, she's right -- we still need a way to activate the device to get off this world. Kira: Exactly. Anything is better than this. IJD: What about that world where sandwiches eat people? Kira: Okay, almost anything. (Several guards round the corner, guns drawn, followed by the Baron and a large dog) Marc: Oh spluck. Zeke: Great, now everybody is stealing my words! IJD: I think we've got bigger problems. Zeke: Name one. Kira: Those guards charging us with what looks like intent to kill. And that dog looks hungry. (The dog growls toothily) Marc: Quick, grab the Sheriff -- we can use him as a hostage! (IJD grabs the unconscious Sheriff's gun and points it at him) IJD: Let's shoot him! Kira: What are you on, speed? Guard 1: Freeze, scumbags! Guard 2: (to Guard 1) I keep telling you, insulting the prisoners doesn't make them surrender. Did that self-actualization seminar teach you nothing? IJD: Touch us, and Sheriff Dean gets it! Guard 1: You're going to shoot the Sheriff? Guard 2: Please don't shoot the deputies. Baron: Quiet, you two. Sheriff Dean is dispensible. Couldn't even catch that robbin' hood who kept swiping our picnic baskets. Guard 1, I hereby promote you to Sheriff. Sheriff Guard 1: Woo h-- hey, don't I get a name now? Kira: "We can use him as a hostage," huh? Good one, Marc. Marc: It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now keep stalling them while I fix our device. Zeke: Ahem. We'll return your Sheriff, Baron.... Sheriff Guard 1: Aw. Zeke: ...soon. Guard 2: Soon? What is this word, "soon"? Kira: Well, since you asked.... Baron: (to the dog) Bernie, eat them! Marc: Got it. (A portal opens) Baron: Ha! Opening an interdimensional portal will get you yet another life senten... (The sleapers vanish through the portal) Baron: Crap. (The sleapers emerge from the portal in the middle of a large park) Marc: I think that was our closest call yet. IJD: You're forgetting that medieval world where Kira almost got burned at the stake for being a witch. Kira: It wouldn't have been a close call if the three of you had stopped laughing long enough to rescue me sooner. Marc: We couldn't help it after you misheard the charge as "being a bi-- Zeke: Hey, wait a minute -- what's he doing here? (Zeke, Marc and Kira stare at IJD, who is still holding the unconscious Sheriff Dean by the arm) IJD: Oh, as if I was going to leave our hostage behind. TO BE CONTINUED.... |
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DISCLAIMER: Yes, we're still breaking a few copyrights. Coincidentally, we're still insane. Now go fetch me my hunting rifle, it's cabbage season. All material © 2003, Carolyn Paterson. |