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Five-Minute "Once More Unto the Breach"

by Nate the Great

Kor: Hey Worf, how ya doin' old buddy?
Worf: Okay, you're just being creepy. What do you want?
Kor: Martok's being mean! He won't give me a ship!
Worf: No problem, I'll go to Martok, just stop whining. It's creepy.

Martok: I hate forms! I hate bureaucracy! Hey, Worf! Thanks for saving me from this paperwork. Please tell me you have something for me to do other than paperwork.
Worf: I want you to give Kor a ship.
Martok: Not a chance in Gre'Thor! Now go away, I have some very important paperwork to do.

Martok: I'm going to take a fleet of Birds of Prey to spread some trouble in the Dominion. You'll be sure to have a fleet waiting for me when I get back?
Sisko: No problem. I'll even break out some cocktail weenies.

Martok: I'm going into battle! I'm so jazzed!
Worf: We have to talk about Kor.
Martok: I'm so not jazzed. I told you, he doesn't get a ship. He rejected my application to be an officer because he was nobility and I was lowborn. I had to fight my way up to where I am, all because of him.
Worf: I already gave him a commission.
Martok: Did you not hear my story? Fine, but keep him away from me. Mark my words -- you will rue the day that I'm proven right about him. Note I didn't say regret, I said RUE!

Worf: Did you really reject him because of his class?
Kor: Maybe. You have no idea how many lists I've signed.
Worf: The best job I could get for you is third officer on the Ch'Tang.
Kor: Okay. What was the name of that ship again?
Worf: Ch'Tang. Just remember "chock full of Tang." It is a spaceship, after all.

Kor: Hi there.
Synon: Wow, a Dahar Master! Cool!
Worf: Was I ever that young?
Kor: No, you were younger.

Kira: So how'd he handle the new host thing?
Ezri: Pretty well. I've been through it hundreds of times. I wish I were out with him now, battling side by side again.
Kira: With Kor, right?
Ezri: Now that Quark thinks I meant Worf and has scurried off, yeah! It's so much fun messing with that Ferengi.
Kira: Yeah, Odo also enjoys that hobby. You guys should form a league or something.

Kolana: Wecome to the mess hall, Dahar Master.
Kor: Please hold your applause, I'm just an ordinary guy. Are there any babies around I can kiss to prove it?
Martok: Shut up, Kor.
Kor: Sorry, I was too busy having fun. What'd you say? (red alert siren) Sorry, that's all the time we have this week for "Kor the Magificent." Tune in next week when he kills an army of Romulans by glaring at them.

Synon: Are you lost, sir?
Kor: Of course not! I'm going to the bridge!
Synon: It's the other way, sir.
Kor: Of course it is. I was coming back to shake your hand. I forgot to do that earlier. Okay, let's go kick butt!

Kolana: Our sister ship has drawn the Cardassians away, sir.
Martok: Good. Decloak and fire when they drop shields to start repai-- OW!
Kor: Cool, he was knocked out by debris! Take us around again! Prepare to beam down a boarding party!
Martok: I want my targ... whoa, I'm awake! What are you doing, you old fool? Get us out of here!
Kor: The Federation will never win! Koloth and I will kill all the --
Worf: I punched Kor. I don't know whether to be awed or ashamed.
Martok: I warned you, but no! It was just a harmless little Dahar Master, wasn't it? Maybe next time you'll believe me when I say that rabbits are vicious, too.

Quark: I was an idiot for never pursuing Jadzia.
Jake: Yeah, you were.
Quark: You can't mix drinks and you can't give a sympathetic ear. You're a lousy bartender.
Jake: At least I tell women I like them. Go talk to Ezri. I'll be here drinking up your profits.
Quark: You're lucky I'm so depressed.
Jake: Yeah, Odo was right. Making you depressed is more fun than a barrel of tribbles.

Kor: So when am I returning to duty?
Worf: You're not. Wow, I fired a Dahar Master! Imagine the song I'll get out of this trip. Your verse will say "and Kor came along." Go me!
Kor: That seems needlessly cruel -- whoa, I'm starting to sound like a human. I'm off to drown myself in bloodwine.
Worf: I recommend the 2305. Have fun, you crazy coot!

Martok: Hey, Kor! Tell us again whether we're fighting humans or the Dominion?
Kor: Oh, shut up. You're just fighting the Dominion. I'm fighting old age, senility, my rage, and the aftertaste of this 2305 bloodwine. I'll kill Worf for this.

Kolana: Ten Dominion warships are chasing us.
Synon: They'll reach us an hour before we get back to the Defiant and the rest of the fleet.
Worf: If we blew up our damaged ship and forced them out of warp, I could delay them long enough for the fleet to get here. I'll need a few volunteers.
Martok: But it's a suicide mission! I can't send you to -- sorry, I was thinking like a human. Have a fun death!

Darok: I'm just having lunch. Oh, and Worf is going off on a suicide mission. He doesn't have the experience necessary to succeed. If only I knew someone would did.
Kor: That hint wasn't very subtle.
Darok: We're both geezers; subtlety isn't a defining characteristic. Besides, you gotta hightail it to save the day now, not when I'm done eating.
Kor: Oh, fine, I'll go. I just wish I had eaten something other than fat-free gagh as my last meal. I'll be carrying that aftertaste forever.

Quark: You'd regret it if you pursued Worf.
Ezri: I wasn't planning to. You're sweet for caring, though.
Quark: Oh, okay. Cool.
Jake: You're ruining that drink, by the way.
Quark: Oh, I was just on Cloud Nine after that kiss, what'd you say? Blech! You were saying I stirred the vodka too much, weren't you?
Jake: Yeah, but in retrospect the look on your face was worth it. Both of them.

Kolana: We're now out of danger. We'll reach the Defiant before the Cardassians can reach us.
Martok: Okay, so Kor had a little skill. I'll drink to him, but only because I'm thirsty. Blech! What is this?
Worf: Yeah, that must be the 2305. Kor must've swapped bottles somewhere.
Martok: So he had his last laugh. At least the fat-free gagh can cancel it out. Okay, that's better. Let's party!
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on May 23, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2006, Nate Grant.