Home Prev 5MD: EPISODES Next Home

Five-Minute "Duet"

by Marc Richard

Freighter Captain: (over the comm) I request permission to beam a passenger to your Infirmary. He has a chronic illness called Kalla-Nohra Syndrome.
Sisko: Go right ahead.
Kira: Commander, this disease means he's a survivor from a Cardassian forced labour camp called Gallitep. Could I go pay my respects to this gentleman?
Sisko: Are you saying that Bajorans consider this disease to be a badge of honour?
Kira: Of course. Don't you have any traditions like that on Earth?

Sisko: Why did you order Odo to lock up Marritza? Just because he's a Cardassian?
Kira: He could only have caught Kalla-Norah by being at Gallitep at the time of a particular mining accident. His disease automatically makes him a war criminal! His disease means he's guilty of the most horrible atrocities!
Sisko: Now that sounds closer to some of the old traditions we used to have on Earth.
Odo: Yes, I've read about how humans used to stigmatize certain illnesses. It's too bad that Earth doesn't have the same history of tolerant social thinking that Vulcan does.

Sisko: Did you serve at the Gallitep labour camp?
Marritza: Certainly not. I'm just a simple military file clerk. Bureaucrats like me are in no position to commit war crimes.
Sisko: Major Kira has a different opini--
Kainon: Hey, Commander! A drunk troublemaker like me shouldn't be locked up with Cardassian trash like him! Put me elsewhere!
Sisko: Be quiet. You'll stay in this cellblock until you've sobered up.
Kainon: I wasn't talking about the cellblock...I want to be sent to a different station!

Kira: I'd like to conduct the Marritza investigation.
Sisko: I'd prefer to put Odo in charge of the case.
Kira: Why? Do you think I'm too emotionally involved to behave objectively?
Sisko: Do you normally tie knots in your silverware while you're having lunch?

Kira: Dr. Bashir has confirmed you have Kalla-Norah, which proves you were at Gallitep. What did you do there?
Marritza: As I told Commander Sisko, I was a humble filing clerk.
Kira: And what part did you play in the atrocities the Cardassians committed at the camp?
Marritza: Atrocities? You mean the starvation, the beatings, the rapes, the live burials, the torture, the murders and so on?
Kira: That's right.
Marritza: My goodness! This is the most shocking news I've ever heard! I had no idea such things were going on there!

Kira: Punishing Marritza for what happened at Gallitep will give everyone on Bajor a great deal of satisfaction.
Dax: It sounds like you want revenge against him whether he's guilty or not.
Kira: What I want is justice. It's true I'm hoping he's something worse than just a lowly filing clerk, but my feelings have nothing to do with this.
Dax: I'm glad to hear that you're so dispassionate about it.
Kira: Why?
Dax: Because I've found a photograph that identifies our prisoner as the Gallitep camp commander, Gul Darhe'el.

Kira: You're the infamous Butcher of Gallitep!
Marritza/Gul Darhe'el: Infamous? Don't besmirch my reputation, Major -- I am properly addressed as the glorious butcher of Gallitep!
Kira: What? You're actually proud to have run the most brutal labour camp on Bajor?
Darhe'el: Absolutely! Nobody could work Bajorans to death like I could! I cancelled their coffee breaks, imposed mandatory overtime, denied them the right to unionize! None of my competitors could match the productivity of Gallitep!
Kira: And you don't feel any remorse for the thousands of slaves who were your victims?
Darhe'el: The term I preferred to use for them was "associates."

Odo: How long are you going to be in the security office shower, Major?
Kira: It'll be a while before I feel clean after talking to that monster. You should have heard him bragging about his crimes and mocking the resistance cell I was in.
Odo: How did he know you were in the Shakaar cell? Something's not right here.
Kira: I'll go check out your hunch as soon as I'm finished. The soap's not helping very much -- have you got anything stronger?
Odo: No, but if you like I can ask Chief O'Brien for a few gallons of paint stripper.

Kira: How did you know I was in the Resistance?
Darhe'el: Because all Bajorans were members of the Resistance.
Kira: No they weren't.
Darhe'el: Yes they were. Heck, I'll bet your own mother was one the movement's senior leaders.

Odo: We're holding a man who claims to be Gul Darhe'el.
Dukat: (over the comm) That's impossible. Gul Darhe'el is dead and buried right here on Cardassia.
Odo: Are you sure?
Dukat: Of course. Here is a photograph of the five-hundred-meter-high monument that was constructed over his tomb.
Odo: Hmpf. It must cost a fortune to build a monstrosity like that.
Dukat: Only if you use paid workers.

Sisko: Odo has discovered that Gul Darhe'el died six years ago.
Odo: I've also confirmed that a Cardassian named Marritza recently quit his job, put his affairs in order and bought a first-class express ticket to DS9.
Bashir: And his medical file shows that he had plastic surgery before coming here.
Kira: That's crazy! Why would anyone in their right mind pretend to be a war criminal and deliberately let himself be caught?
Sisko: At his age, perhaps he figured this was his last chance to get his proverbial fifteen minutes of fame.

Kira: You're not the real Gul Darhe'el.
Darhe'el/Marritza: Yes I am! I'm evil incarnate!
Mwa-haha-haha! See? I've even got a sinister laugh.
Kira: I think you're really just a bystander with a guilty conscience -- a filing clerk who couldn't stop the atrocities he witnessed.
Marritza: That's beside the point! I'm guilty by association! All my people are guilty for what happened! My war crimes trial will force Cardassia to face the truth about itself!
Kira: No. I'm releasing you. I refuse to send an innocent man to face execution on Bajor.
Marritza: Oh, right. As if it would be worse than what will happen to me if I go back home and Gul Dukat finds out that I just tried to shame the entire Cardassian Union.

Kainon: Death to all Cardassians!
Marritza: GAK!
Kira: Why did you do that? He wasn't Darhe'el!
Kainon: So what? Didn't you recognize the war cry you used to spray-paint on walls back when you were in the Resistance?
Kira: I recognized it but I don't agree with it anymore.
Kainon: Then how about "Death to some Cardassians!" as a new slogan?
Kira: The way I feel now, I think even a plain old "Bajor for Bajorans!" would be too strong. Besides, I don't like slogans that have too many "O"s in them.
(The station turns at Lugubrious Speed)


Previous fiver: Dramatis Personae
Next fiver: In the Hands of the Prophets


Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, the author, Marc Richard.

Site navigation:
___ Five-Minute Deep Space Nine
___ ___ Season 1
___ ___ ___ Five-Minute "Duet"

This fiver was originally published on June 10, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2005, Marc Richard.