Five-Minute "Full Circle"
by SCMoll


Romana: So it's back to Gallifrey, is it?
The Doctor: Do we really have to? I hate Gallifrey....
Romana: Why's that? I thought that any Time Lord would love his homeworld.
The Doctor: Three words: "Arc of Infinity" is the next Gallifrey story.
K-9: Actually, master, that is eight words.
The Doctor: Don't interrupt me when I'm being wrong!

TARDIS: Vworp, vworp, vw-- ACK!
Romana: What's wrong?
The Doctor: I dunno, I let the dog wonder pilot.
K-9: Unknown, mistress, but I am receiving a warning sig--
The Doctor: Not now, K-9, we're in grave danger.
Romana: What is it, Doctor?
The Doctor: I've lost my perm. My curls have fallen out!

Romana: Ah, Gallifrey!
The Doctor: This isn't Gallifrey! We've landed on the wrong world!
Romana: But the scanner shows a photo of Gallifrey....
The Doctor: It's a matte painting, not a photo! Of course it doesn't change.

Varsh: Aha! I have stolen riverfruits from the market! I am a criminal mastermind!
Adric: I want to join your group.
Varsh: No, my wooden young brother. I despise your Medal for Mathematical Excellence! What use is math?
Adric: How many riverfruits did you get?
Varsh: Um... several.
Adric: Varsh, when you only have one, the answer is probably not plural.

Dexeter: Look! Insect eggs in the food supply! Now what could that mean? A life of infection and starvation for us Terradonians?
Decider Draith: No. It means we're in for a bit of fog.
Dexeter: Well, of course. This is being filmed on location in London.

Adric: Ha! I shall now steal two riverfruits and prove my comprehension of the plural to Varsh.
Decider Draith: Adric, no!
Mysterious Arm: Come with me into the water!
Decider Draith: Adric, tell Dexeter we've come full circle! Full Circle! ACK!

Decider Nefred: We must seal the doors.
Login: Whatever you say. You are the Security Chief, after all.
Decider Garif: Login, we will make you the new Decider. Oh no!
Decider Nefred: What is it?
Decider Garif: I just made a Decision. I've never done that before!

K-9: Warning, master. Danger approaching.
The Doctor: Nonsense, K-9. It's only Adric.
K-9: Exactly, master--
The Doctor: Meet Romana, Adric. K-9 and I are going for a walk.

The Doctor: Oh no! Horrible Marshmen rising out of the swamp! And they have mysterious arms!
Marshmen: Wesa come full circle! Full Circle!


Marshmen: Wesa come full circle! Full Circle!
The Doctor: Oh no! It's the Gungans!

Varsh: Ha, Romana, we are taking over your TARDIS with... riverfruits!
Romana: That's a riverfruit, actually.
Adric: Only if you take the absolute value of the coordinates.
Romana: Shut up, Adric.

Marshmen: Wesa now stealen desa TARDIS! Carry it with wesa mysterious arms!

The Doctor: Ah, a starliner. I shall break through this impenetrable lock with my sonic screwdriver.
Door: I refuse to open.
The Doctor: Barring that, there's always... my banana!
Door: I give up! I give up!
Marshchild: Despite being slow and very conspicuous, mesa now enter the starliner right behind thesa Doctor.

Omril: An intruder!
The Doctor: Who me?
Omril: With another right behind him!
The Doctor: Ridiculous.
Marshchild: Mesa no thinken dat.
Omril: Take the Doctor to the Deciders and the Marshchild to... Dexeter's Laboratory!

K-9: Coming to your rescue, mistress.
Romana: Good dog, K-9.
Marshmen: Roar!
K-9's Head: ACK! I've fallen off.
Spiders: Bite, bite, bite.
Romana: Oh no! I've been infected! I've come full circle! Full Circle!


Romana: Oh no! I've been infected! I've come full circle! Full Circle!
Varsh: Quick, leave her! I may not be able to count, but I do know that the control marked "BRAKE" makes this TARDIS go.

The Doctor: Why are you taking parts out of the starliner and replacing them with identical parts, even though the originals work fine?
Decider Login: We're preparing for our new job.
The Doctor: Which is?
Decider Login: Car repairmen.

TARDIS: Vworp, vworp, vworp.
The Doctor: There it is!
Adric: I told you we'd get here quicker traveling the way I suggested.
Varsh: I don't care what you say! The shortest distance between two points is a straight line? What nonsense!

Dexeter: Welcome to my laboratory, Marshchild! I shall now operate on you to find out what makes you so mentally deficient.
Marshchild: Oooooooooh, what's this button do? ACK!
Dexeter: ACK!
Star Wars Fans: (applause) Another Gungan bites the dust!

The Doctor: I don't understand! The starliner works perfectly! Why won't you take off?
Decider Nefred: We can't drive! We all failed driver's ed!

Possessed Romana: I shall now open the door to let the Marshmen in.
Door: I refuse to open.
Possessed Romana: What if I use... a banana?
Door: Oh no! I've come full circle! Full Circle!


Door: Oh no! I've come full circle! Full Circle!
Possessed Romana: You're square-shaped.
Door: That's OK, then. I'll open up.
Marshmen: Wesa Gungans have a Grand Army!

Varsh: One Marshman is chasing me! I can defeat it easily!
Adric: Uh, Varsh....
Varsh: Yes?
Adric: You do realize that forty-seven is more than one....?
Varsh: Only if you take the supreme value of the ordinates! Or whatever. GAK!

First Marshman: Oh no! Dis is very bombad! Dey is flooding the corridor with oxygen.
Second Marshman: Usen the booba!
First Marshman: But mesa no haven a booba!
Second Marshman: Taken dis one.
First Marshmen: No, mesa run away!
Second Marshmen: Wesa all run away!

The Doctor: You don't really need driver's ed.
Decider Login: We don't?
The Doctor: No, just remember this: he who honks loudest is always right.
Decider Nefred: Thank you, Doctor. Now we prepare for liftoff!
Decider Login: But, we have no idea where we're going.
Decider Nefred: That's all right; we'll use MapQuest.

Unpossessed Romana: Look, Adric left something on the console.
The Doctor: A new matte painting for the scanner. One that reads the absolute values of the coordinates!
Romana: Do you realize what this means? We're in the negative universe! E-Space!
Adric: Little do they know that I have stowed away... and that I, the most wooden actor in all E-Space, am actually... the Son of Chakotay!

The Doctor: Romana! Everything's OK now!
Romana: What?
The Doctor: I found my perm. I've got full curl! Full Curl!
(The TARDIS dematerializes at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on June 13, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by the company that makes Doctor Who. We, the administration of Five-Minute Voyager, could not possibly have less of a clue who that is. Well, actually we do since SCMoll told us, but it's funnier this way.

All material © 2005, S. C. Mollman.