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Five-Minute "Atonement"

by Zeke

Zack: Sigh...I just don't feel right about wearing the Chief's uniform.
Lennier: It's not literally his uniform, is it?
Zack: If it isn't, there'd better be a good explanation for all this hair on the shoulders....

Callenn: G'day, moit! Ready ta gow?
Delenn: Why are you talking like that?
Callenn: Well, oither it's a loim in-jowke, or I took the hit Minbari single Talk Like An Australian way too seriously.

Franklin: Here, G'Kar: enjoy the medical advancements denied to Geordi La Forge for so very long.
G'Kar: Sweet! My own private eye!
Patient: Hey, that's pretty cool. Can I have one, Doc?
Franklin: Sorry. I only have eyes for G'Kar.

Delenn: I knew you'd like the dress.
Sheridan: Er, honey? You're not wearing a dress.
Delenn: What? But Lennier told me -- Lennier!
Lennier: Well, come on! How was I supposed to know you'd actually believe my "the dress is invisible but only to Minbari" explanation?

Sheridan: I've decided to send you two on a mission to Mars, setting the tone for Season 4.
Franklin: Would you like us to check on your father, who requires regular shipments of a rare medication to survive?
Sheridan: No, that's okay. HEY! What are you doing under my desk?
Garibaldi: Oh, relax. It's not like I heard anything important.

Sheridan: SNORRRRRE....
Delenn: Well, I've seen enough. Off I go.
Sheridan: Stay in touch.
Delenn: Hey! Weren't you asleep?
Sheridan: Well, I was, but then some jerk's snoring woke me up.

Delenn: What's the big idea? Are you trying to come with me to Minbar, setting the tone for Season 4?
Lennier: I can't let you face your dark secrets alone, Delenn. If you did, I wouldn't find out what they are.

Callenn: Wilcome to Minbah. Now then...wot's this we hear abowt you marryin' a Narn?
Delenn: He's a human!
Callenn: Oh, whichevah. Who kin tell these oiliens apaht anyway? The point is, we can't let you do it unless you kin give us a good rayson.
Delenn: Well, I'm in love with him. Love justifies almost anything. Leaving your rival to die when you can easily save him, for example.
Lennier: I am so holding you to that.
Callenn: Quit choingin' the subject. Delenn, to begin the testin' process, we're gonna get you hoi on some psoichadelic drugs.
Delenn: That's a good example of how very alien we Minbari are. Humans have nothing like that.

Dukhat: Wow, you're so pious and devoid of hair. You can be my acolyte.
Delenn: As you wish, Gul.

Delenn: "Gul"? What was I talking about?
Lennier: It was probably a cross-series gag of some sort.
Delenn: HEY! What are you doing here during my deeply personal flashback session?
Lennier: That's what I'm all about, Delenn. I'll follow you into any danger, whether I'm wanted or not.

Dukhat: So we've found out about these humans. Any thoughts?
Grey Council: We should--
Delenn: No we shouldn't.
Dukhat: A wise judgement, Delenn. You councillors can learn a thing or two from her.

Delenn: So what did it mean when the Triluminary lit up for me? Please answer without dying in mid-sentence.
Dukhat: I'll try. You are -- GAK!
Delenn: Darn. That's annoying. Maybe the deaths of millions of humans will cheer me up.

Delenn: Well, there it is -- my hidden shame. The shame I've been hiding for all these years. And you were standing here the whole time!
Lennier: Let's focus on the relevant point: you never found out what Dukhat was going to say after "You are."
Delenn: And I suppose you have some idea? Wait, let me guess -- you're going to suggest "destined to fall in love with your aide."
Lennier: Wow! How did you guess?

Callenn: Didja loin anythin' useful?
Delenn: No, but I'm going back in and dragging you along with me. Maybe we'll luck out.
Callenn: "Luck out" as in foind out wot Dukhat wus troyin' to say?
Delenn: "Luck out" as in get in there before Lennier notices and comes along.
Lennier: Too late. Suckers.

Dukhat: You are --
Delenn: Okay, time out! Future Delenn to human ship: could you please halt your attack long enough for Dukhat to finish this sentence?
EarthForce Captain: (over the comm) Well, okay, just this once. Quit firing, gunner.
King Arthur: (over the comm) Never! KILL THEM ALL!
EarthForce Captain: Dude, you're not King Arthur yet.
Gunner: Oh. Sorry.

Dukhat: Now, as I was saying, you are --
Delenn: A rock? An island?
Dukhat: Don't be silly.
Delenn: But a rock feels no pain and an island never--
Dukhat: Oh, shut up! You are...(ahem)...a child of Valen.
Delenn: Who's being silly now? Valen lived 1000 years ago, and besides, I know who my parents were.
Dukhat: Oh really? Tell me their names.
Delenn: Um...well, my father was...well, my mother was...uh...you suck.
Lennier: He sure does. I'm holding up a big sign with what he's supposed to say, and he just goes and does his own thing....

Callenn: Okoi, ya got me. The Minbari roice has got all koinds of human DNA in it.
Delenn: So what's your big problem with my marrying Sheridan?
Callenn: For starters, he's a wad. But there's also the fact that Lennier broibed me.
Delenn: Lennier!
Lennier: I will do penance later.
Delenn: Okay, enough of this. Callenn, if I can beat Lennier's offer, will you let me marry John?
Callenn: Hmmm...wot's yer offer?
Delenn: All the boomerangs you could ever need, and a blind date with my cousin Lisenn. She has an English accent.
Callenn: You've got yaself a deal!

Sheridan: Welcome back. I suppose you won't be telling me what happened.
Delenn: Do you care?
Sheridan: Not if you'll wear that "dress" again.
Delenn: Oh, buzz off.

Marcus' Fighting Pike: Swoosh, swish. Swoosh, swish. Swoosh, swish.
Franklin: Cut it out, Cole.
Marcus: Cut what out? It's the pike, not me.
Fighting Pike: Hey, I need to do something. Do you have any idea how boring you two are?
(Marcus and Franklin's transport moves on at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on December 17, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Babylonian Productions. I doubt they'll mind, but if they do, I'll just sic Alexander the Great on 'em.

All material © 2001, Zeke.