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Five-Minute "Unimatrix Zero, Part II"

by Zeke

Tuvok: Hey, B'Elanna. How's it going?
Torres: Not bad, except for the whole assimilation thing.

Korok: You like Axum. Admit it.
Seven: Bite me.
Korok: Word of advice: don't say that to a Klingon. Remember "Blood Fever"?

Janeway: Something wrong, Tuvok?
Tuvok: I hear Borg people....

Axum: I got a Borg! I got a Borg! Oh wait, it's just you.
Seven: Where have you been?
Axum: Setting tr--wait a sec, why do you care?
Seven: Um...I don't care, Korok does. Yes, that will do.

Tuvok: If the Queen gets me, promise you'll kill me.
Janeway: No problem. It's way too soon for this season's Evil Tuvok episode.

Paris: As the first officer, I say we bring them back.
Chakotay: As the Captain, I say you suck.

Borg Queen: Gotcha.
Tuvok: Aw, nuts.

Doc: The sensors say Tuvok just got got.
Chakotay: Changed my mind -- let's bring them back after all.
Paris: Ha! Paris 1, Chakotay 0!
Chakotay: Oh, shut up.

Torres: The virus is in. Let's get out of here!
Tuvok: I think not. Oh, and would you mind killing me?
Janeway: Okay, here goes. OW!
Tuvok: Too late. Take her away, boys.

Chakotay: Let's get 'em!
Kim: Um, Evil Tuvok just killed our shields.
Chakotay: In that case, let's not get 'em.

Borg Queen: Hey, I'm suddenly losing thousands of drones!
Drone: Like me, for example. Hehehehe. Uh oh, I shouldn't have said that out loud....

Janeway: Why'd you bring me here?
Borg Queen: The usual. You know, threatening you and your ship with obliteration.
Janeway: You don't scare me. Hey, you just killed that cube!
Borg Queen: I blame you.
Janeway: That's blatantly unfair, but just to further the plot I'll feel guilty anyway.

Doc: You like Axum. Admit it.
Seven: No. I mean, yes.
Doc: Damn. I mean, good.

Seven: The Voyager away team is screwed unless somebody helps them.
Korok: Big deal.
Axum: Chicken. Buck-buck-buck-ba.
Korok: Fine, fine, I'll check if there's somebody near there. But it better not be me.

Axum: Turns out I'm actually in a galaxy far, far away.
Seven: Well, we still have Unimatrix Zero. Unless Janeway destroys it or something.
Axum: Come on, how likely is that? Let's kiss.

Borg Queen: Want to be assimilated, kid?
Kid: Isn't that a bad thing?
Borg Queen: No, no, it's fun. All the cool kids are getting assimilated. You know you want to.

Janeway: So what's the next step in your Evil Plan?
Borg Queen: Killing them all, unless you have a better idea.
Janeway: How about letting me go back to my ship to deliver a secret message?
Borg Queen: Works for me.

Doc: Hey Commander, you've got mail!
Janeway: The hawk flies at midnight. Sergeant Pepper's legions are seen on the vertical horizon. The letter J.
Chakotay: That was a secret message.
Seven: Really? I wouldn't have guessed.

Paris: Aaaaaaaa! More Borg!
Korok: Calm down, we're Good Guys. Let's go kick some Borg butt!

Borg Queen: Hey, you're blowing up Unimatrix Zero! That wasn't part of our deal!
Janeway: Gee, sucks to be you.
Borg Queen: Don't make me come over there.

Seven: Will I ever see you again?
Axum: With only one season to go? Not likely.

Janeway: Bye, Queenie.
Borg Queen: Aw, the heck with it. Blow the suckers up!

Kim: I got the away team!
Chakotay: Nuts. Guess I don't get to be Captain anymore.

Doc's Log: We kicked some Borg butt -- again. Oh, and Tuvok sucks even more than usual.

Janeway: You know, being a drone sucked.
Seven: You know, being in love didn't suck.
Chakotay: You know, not being the Captain anymore sucks.
Janeway: Oh, quit your whining.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on October 7, 2000.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2000, Zeke.