Five-Minute "Tsunkatse"
by Benne Holwerda

Chakotay: Ahhhh! Nothing more relaxing then watching people beating the crap out of each other.
Torres: Yep. I wonder if they're being held captive?
Chakotay: Nah, have another beer.

Janeway: I'm taking the weekend off. You scrub the ship for a change.
Chakotay: HA! Captain at last! Mind if I redecorate the ready room?

Torres: Hey Chakkers, they're hammering each other again! Wanna watch?
Neelix: As comic relief, I've got gross sunburn. Can I see someone else suffer, please?
Torres: Go talk to Tuvok!
Tuvok: I have to see some passing gas. Yes, that will do!
Seven: Can I come?

Paris: Aren't you overpacking?
Seven: It's useful, so go play in traffic.

Doc: Hi, Seven. Wanna go out?
Seven: I don't feel like watching your bugs. Go away.

Seven: You're not talking to me.
Tuvok: Neither is anybody else. Is that grenade yours?

(BOOM)

Seven: Wha--?
Penk: Get clobbered or I won't give a band-aid to Tuvok.
Seven: Hmm...okay, but only if I get to meet WWF guys and wear even less then normal.

Chakotay: I box, so I should go!
Kim: I usually get hurt. I wanna watch this time.
Paris: Me too!
Torres: Have you delegated yet, Captain Chakkers?
Chakotay: I have now, you're on duty.

Neelix: Can I become even more gross?
Doc: Trobbing yellow pustules would do it. Wanna see my bugs or a beat-up?

Everybody: Hey look, it's the WWF crossover guy with rubber on his head! Hee hee!
Seven: Hmmm...beefy naked guy. Something physical is going to happen.
(THWACK!)
Seven: Meanies!
Pendari: Bite me!
Seven: Okay.
(SMACK!)(WACK!)(THUD!)(WHAP!)

Chakotay: B'Elanna! Beam Seven out of there!
Torres: I'll conveniently fail so that everybody can ogle her some more.

Seven: Give up?
Pendari: No, but I'll hammer you like a tentpeg instead.

Janeway: So wassup?
Chakotay: Not much. Seven is kidnapped and Tuvok is severly hurt.
Janeway: Last time I'll let you mind the shop.

Hirogen: Wanna learn how to kick butt?
Seven: No! Well, okay, but this better not be a plot complication.

Hirogen: Ready?
Seven: Yep, read the book and everything...OUCH!
Hirogen: Lesson one: fight dirty. By the way, I'm this suicidal tragic character seeking an honourable death.
Seven: Awwww, I'm sympathetic...OUCH!
Hirogen: Lesson two: it's only over when the other guy stops moving.

Neelix: Well, so much for diplomacy.
Chakotay: So who do we hose?
Torres: Try this huge and mean ship.

Seven: I'm going to lay the smack down on anybody that gets with me in the arena.
Tuvok: Does that bother you?
Seven: Hmmm...for the sake of character, yes.

Seven: Hey Mr. Miyagi, what are you doing here?
Hirogen: Surprised? I wanna die, so I'm taking on a major character. Let's get it on!

Chakotay: Give them back!
Penk: Bite me!

(SMACK!)(WHAM!)(THUD!)(BLOING!)
Hirogen: Bloing?
Seven: Some implant.

Chakotay: Damn! We can't kick their butt even when I'm captain. Better shut down the TV antenna.
Paris: NOOOOOO!
Chakotay: You have cable.
Paris: Oh. Okay then.

Seven: This isn't fun anymore...I wanna go home.
Hirogen: Ha! Broke a nail? Makes you imperfect, doesn't it?
Seven: Imparfait? Moi? HI-YAAA!

Torres: We're hosed.
Paris: Time for Captain Janeway to pop up.
Janeway: Hi! Let's make things go boom.

Kim: I've got Tuvok, but I'll wait with Seven for dramatic purposes.

Seven: Give up?
Hirogen: Yep. Retire my character already, will you? Oh, we're being beamed out.

Hirogen: Would you have killed me?
Seven: Nah, probably not. The episode would have been too short.

Tuvok: Thanks for saving my butt.
Seven: Well, I still suck.
Tuvok: You're only human.
Seven: Thanks for the reminder.
(Voyager blasts off at In-Your-Face Speed)

THE END

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