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Five-Minute "Extreme Risk"

by Admiral Sab

Unknown Crewman: We're way up high now. You may jump.
Torres: Take us higher.
Unknown Crewmember: Eh?

Seven: Cool catsuit, but mine's better.
Torres: Whatever.
Seven: Eh?

Tuvok: The Borgified probe we launched is being tractored by those meddlin' Malon!
Janeway: Ditch the probe in the upper atmosphere. We need an excuse to build a new shuttle.

Janeway: Paris, contain yourself -- you know you're going to get your way.
Torres: Sorry I'm late.
Paris: So, you wanna help us build the new super duper shuttle, B'Elanna?
Torres: Do I have to answer now?

Tuvok: Your shuttle is illogical!
Paris: Is not!
Tuvok: Is too!
Seven: It is too...especially what Torres did.
Paris: Everybody down!
Torres: You are right, Seven. I am scum.
Tuvok: What did you do, Paris?

Paris: You wanna have dinner?
Torres: I have to go.
Paris: To the holodeck and hurt yourself?
Torres: I have to go.

Torres: Delete holodeck safety protocols on this dangerous program.
Computer: That would be an "Extreme Risk" to your safety.
Torres: And?

Kim: Captain, the trashmen are hailing us.
Janeway: And?

Torres: Ouchouchouchouchouch....
Computer: Told ya so.
Torres: Whatever. Ouchouch...where is Tom's dermal regenerator? I remember using it one night here on Deck 9, Section 12....

Neelix: Hey, B'Elanna! You know what time it is?
Torres: Time for the "Neelix tries to help Torres" part of the show. But instead, how about some banana pancakes and syrup.
Neelix: Uh ok.
Torres: Yummy. Goodnight.
Neelix: Goodnight, Chako--I mean, B'Elanna. Sorry. It's hard to tell your acting styles apart these days.

Seven: I think the Malon are building a shuttle too.
Janeway: Then let's have a space race!
Paris: Oh, and maybe at the end of the race I can propose to B'Elanna!
Janeway: Nah, better save that for Season 7...you know that'll "Drive" the P/Ters crazy!

Kim: Listen to me, Tuvok!
Tuvok: I do not listen to illogic.
Paris: All right! Let's go!
Tuvok: I'm not listening!
Tuvok: We need to test the shuttle.
Torres: How convenient...I need to hurt myself again.

Torres: Run the simulation, Computer, without safety protocols.
Computer: Warning -- that would be an "Extreme Risk" to your life.
Torres: We all know the episode's title. Quit repeating it.

Janeway: Chakotay, I need B'Elanna, so get her out of the holodeck.
Chakotay: Is it time for us to get a clue already?

Janeway: Do you realize the "Extreme Risk" to your life?
Torres: The computer mentioned something like that.
Janeway: You've been emotionless.
Torres: Chakotay is like that all the time and he doesn't get in trouble.
Janeway: Yes, but he looks good while doing it...I'm not attracted to you.

Janeway: You expect me to believe that you didn't know anything about your girlfriend's troubles?
Paris: Well, it is the fifth season....
Janeway: No excuse. I think you knew and you are covering for her. I've seen "Night".

Torres: The doc says I am depressed.
Chakotay: Are you?
Torres: Are you?

Chakotay: So B'Elanna, what's up with this freaky program?
Torres: I dunno, maybe I'm suicidal?
Chakotay: Well...you are dating Tom...the pressure from the P/Ters must get to you sometimes...just emote.
Torres: I don't know how.
Chakotay: Yeah, neither do I.

Torres: Chakotay, let me carry that tool chest, it looks like it's hurting you.
Chakotay: But I like looking like an engineer.

Kim: B'Elanna! Welcome!
Paris: Just sit over there and try not to hurt yourself.

Kim: The Malon are beating us to the probe! Seven, take care of 'em!...Oh no, now the hull is breaching.
Torres: Have no fear -- Torres is here! (BUM BUM BUM) Using only a piece of bulkhead, a phaser, an EPS relay, and a tech thing, Torres was able to save the Delta Flyer from a hull breach. Man, am I good!

Chakotay: It's the end of the episode, so you must be feeling better.
Torres: Yeah...well, until next year's Torres Angst episode.

Torres: Computer, some banana pancakes with maple syrup please....
Computer: Warning: the nutritional value of that dish presents an "Extreme Risk" to your health.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on December 14, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2001, Sabrina St. John.