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Five-Minute "Blood Fever"

by Zeke

Vorik: Marry me or else!
Torres: Ha! What're you gonna do, accidentally use your Vulcan telepathy to induce powerful carnal urges in my hybrid Klingon biological systems?

Doc: Are you going through the Pon Farr?
Vorik: None of your business! Yes. Now shut up!

Tuvok: Vorik has three choices -- love, war, and meditation.
Doc: Let's see if we can pick one that results in the kicking of Tom Paris's butt.

Torres: Race to the bottom of the cliff!
Neelix: You got it! Whoops.
Paris: Well, now you've done it! Neelix broke his legs!
Torres: Shut up, you brain-dead son of a tribble!
Paris: Bite me!
Torres: Okay.
Paris: What the--! STOP! IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH! NOOOOO......
Neelix: Oo, that's gonna leave a mark.

Paris: And then she bit me!
Chakotay: Is that good or bad? I'm not up on my P/T.

Tuvok: So now B'Elanna's in the Pon Farr too.
Vorik: Gee, what a shame. Guess she'll have to marry me now, right?
Tuvok: In your dreams. Go back to meditating, loser.

Torres: Hi guys! I found the galacite!
Chakotay: Good for you. Come on back to the ship now.
Torres: Bite me.
Paris: Bad choice of words there. Hey look, the walls really do have ears!
Sikari: What are all you people doing here? You didn't see us, did you? We really hate it when people see us....
Chakotay: Nope. Cave-in time!

Vorik: Sorry, Doc. I've been a naughty boy.
Doc: Don't sweat it, I have a plan. Remember those holosex suites on DS9?

Paris: So we're engaged now?
Torres: Oh yeah, the bite thing. Dammit! Guess we'd better have sex.
Paris: I'm getting mixed signals here.

Sikari: We decided to go into hiding after we were attacked by these cybernetic aliens with white skin who went around assimilating people and saying "Resistance is futile."
Tuvok: Who in the world could that have been?

Torres: Come on, let's get it on!
Paris: Sorry, this is one of those times when I have to pretend I'm mature.
Torres: Grrr! If I didn't want you so much I'd kill you!

Vorik: Thanks, Doc! I feel much better now.
Janeway: Good job, Doctor. This could be the dawn of a bold new era of holographic alternatives for people who aren't getting any.
Doc: I'll get started on yours right away, Captain. Hahahahahaha!
Janeway: Computer, delete EMH. Permanently.

Paris: She's trying to force herself on me! Do something!
Tuvok: Mr. Paris, I order you to have sex with Lieutenant Torres.
Paris: Oh, you're a big help.

Torres: Come on, do it like you mean it!
Paris: There goes this episode's PG-13 rating.
Vorik: Not if I can help it! Hey Tuvok, watch me kill Helm Boy!
Torres: You'll have to get through me first!
Vorik: Works for me. Take that!
Torres: HI-YAH!
Tuvok: And that's that. What a happy ending!

Paris: You know, you're cute when you're evil.
Torres: Can we forget that whole thing ever happened?
Paris: Nope.
Torres: Drat. Guess we'll just have to create the first caring, long-term relationship on Voyager.
Paris: What is this, Mixed Signals Day?

Chakotay: Hey, look, a skeletonized Borg.
Janeway: Ewww. Looks like a cliffhanger.


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This fiver was originally published on June 10, 2000.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2000, Zeke.