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Five-Minute Chex Quest 2

by Tate

President: Chex Guy! You'll never guess what just happened!
Chex Guy: Hmm... Could it be the return of the flemoids as mentioned at the end of the last episode?
President: Yep. This time the flemoids have invaded one of our cities. I have no idea how they got there, but I know that you have to fight your way to the sewer to activate a big anti-flemoid bomb, or something like that.
Chex Guy: Why would we put a bomb in the sewer?
President: Hey, I didn't see you volunteer to write the backstory.

Chex Guy: Before I get started on my job, I think I'll stop by the restaurant and have some... FLEMOIDS!
Flemoids: Gross!
Chex Guy: You know that's not what I meant. Oh, by the way, DIE EVIL FLEMOIDS!
Flemoids: GAK!

Flemoid Larva: Hi, I'm just like the flying flemoid in the last episode, only different.
Chex Guy: Do you still say "GAK" when I shoot you?
Flemoid Larva: GAK!
Chex Guy: That's good enough for me.

"Box Office Attendant": Welcome to Cereal City Cinemas, may I help you?
Chex Guy: (to himself) A movie would be a welcome break from killing flemoids. (to attendant) I'd like a ticket to Gods and General Mills, please.
"Box Office Attendant": That will be two million dollars, and I'll have to ask you to leave your weapons here.
Chex Guy: Wow! That's expensive! Wait a minute, why do you have quotation marks around your name?
"Box Office Attendant": Um... a fashion statement?
Chex Guy: Right. DIE EVIL FLEMOID!
"Box Office Attendant": GAK!

"Museum Curator": Hello there. How are you today?
Chex Guy: Suspicious. You aren't a flemoid, are you?
"Museum Curator": Of course not. Now, over there are the dinosaur fossils, and over here we have a fine collection of classic paintings. We have a guided tour starting in a few minutes, if you'd like to join.
Chex Guy: Thanks, but I don't have time for a tour right now. I've got to get back to my job of saying DIE EVIL FLEMOID!
"Museum Curator": GAK!
Chex Guy: I thought so.

Flemoids: Yo. We da evil gangsta flemoids.
Chex Guy: "Gangsta"? I'm guessing that means I'm on the 'City Streets' level.
Flemoids: You got it, man. Stay away from us, ya hear? We bad dudes.
Chex Guy: "Bad dudes"? You're just normal flemoids who are trying unsuccessfully to talk like gangsters. Now, could you please direct me to the sewer?
Flemoids: You goin' to the sewer? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Chex Guy: I'll take this opportunity to say 'DIE EVIL FLEMOIDS!'
Flemoids: Yo-- GAK!
Chex Guy: Show offs.

Flemoid Bosses: Bwa-ha-ha! You may have made it through the sewer, but you still have to face... us. Note that there are two of us now, which means that it's a lot harder.
Chex Guy: Harder? Ha! I could defeat both of you just by saying my tagline. But I'm not going to because I can sneak right past you two and still win the game.
Flemoid Bosses: What? Hey, you can't do that! COME BACK HERE!

Chex Guy: Well, I've won the game, although I still don't understand the backstory.
President: (over the comm) And that's exactly why you're fighting the flemoids, instead of making big administrative decisions such as declaring July to be National Cornflake History Month, like I do.
Chex Guy: Whatever. Anyway, that's the last we'll see of the flemoids.
President: You've got that right... unless you count the fan-made sequels.
Chex Guy: Rats.
(Flemoids return at Ludicrous Speed, or they don't. It kinda depends...)


Previous fiver: Chex Quest

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This fiver was originally published on October 27, 2003.

DISCLAIMER: The characters in this fiver are copyrighted by... no, I'm still just too weirded out by the whole idea of a breakfast cereal game based on Doom. Ask me again later.

All material © 2003, Tate Chamberlain.