Zeke presents....

The Election 2004 T10 Lists Easter Egg Page

You might want to come back to this page in a little while. The list just might grow....

SLUGGY FREELANCE

10. Torg: Kerry (Hey, a Democrat invented the Internet!)
9. Riff: Bush (Nobody but nobody is controlling Riff's guns)
8. Zoe: Kerry (Working for Dr. Lorna has ruined conservatism for her for life)
7. Gwynn: Nader (It'll take magic for him to win....)
6. Sam: Kerry (To impress a couple of hot babes he met at a MoveOn rally... turned out they were lesbians)
5. Oasis: Whoa. Election called on account of naked chick.
4. Kiki: Darted from one candidate to the other for hours as each waved a shiny object; eventually voted for a mirrorball she found in the trash
3. Aylee: Kerry (Every couple of years his opinions crawl into a coccoon and come out completely different)
2. Bert: Bush ("DICK CHENEY IS THE MOST CROTCHETY POLITICIAN AVAILABLE!")

1. Bun-Bun: Killed all the candidates; voted for himself. Won in a landslide.

10. Danny: Bush (Damn that cute accent!)
9. Tony: You'll have to tell him. He is a soldier -- his choices are made for him.
8. Sal: Kerry (She's had enough secure undisclosed locations to last a lifetime)
7. Walky: Missed the election date trying to finish his detailed analysis of which candidate produced more crap
6. The Cheese: Kerry (He's from the party of ketchup, a fellow food product)
5. Joyce: Bush (She's pretty sure Anti-Joyce would vote Kerry)
4. Jason: Ineligible. He's never getting citizenship here.
3. Ruth: She's not telling, but she voted with integrity, and she has no regrets
2. Mike: Bush -- to piss YOU off

1. Joe: "Dude, voting is no way to get laid."

10. Mega Man: Spoiled ballot (Refused to mark it with an X, claiming that that guy creeps him out)
9. George: Bush (Names of a feather...)
8. Nate: Was declared ineligible; cried
7. Bass: Kerry (At least that one might be capable of pronouncing his name correctly!)
6. Bob: Bush (He plans to destroy the States eventually and figures Bush would put up more of a fight.)
5. Dr. Wily: Kerry (Let's see, which one is more likely to hunt him down and converge on him with 70 thousand tanks?)
4. Roll: Kerry (She is so voting age. She's 18 in robot years.)
3. Techno: Bush (She's almost 3. That's 18 in robot years also.)
2. Ran: Got to vote 3000 times on a technicality about the eligibility of deceased citizens; blew it all on the Communist Party

1. Dr. Light: Stayed home, being the only one who remembered he's not American

10. Gabe: "Tycho and I feel that we did our patriotic duty this year when we hired those ninja to kill Harry Knowles. Right, Tycho?"
9. Tycho: "This man and I have never met."
8. Div: "Hmm. Stand in line for two hours to vote... or stand in line for two minutes to buy a gallon of vodka. I'll need to call in a rocket scientist."
7. The cat: Ineligible, but served his country by designing the new "EZ-Rig" electronic voting booths
6. The Aibos: Rowf!
5. Charles: Nader. ("Think different, you *$#@!ers.")
4. Zombie: Followed the debates intently looking for a candidate with BRAAAAAAAAINS; gave up
3. Frank: "When the VC bullets are flying around you like little explosive bats out of hell, you're not thinking about who you're gonna vote for. You're thinking about which one of your buddies' corpses is intact enough to use as a shield. That answer your question, punk?"
2. Randy (the news anchor): "Remember, ladies, the lineups at your local election booth will be long, hard, straight, and in my pants."

1. Baby: Anybody but the Rhinoceros Party

10. Rikk: Agonized over the choice for weeks, but when the moment came, acted decisively. (Oh, who'd he vote for? You don't tell people that! It's private.)
9. Alisin: What do you think?
8. Shanna: Made a big deal about how she was into Bush, but actually... okay, that was crude
7. Tim: Kerry (More likely to eventually legalize human/hamster relations)
6. Kath: Bush (She just doesn't respect Kerry enough as a schemer)
5. Meighan: Couldn't take her lips out of some other girl's mouth long enough to vote
4. Jackie: Bush (The PM's on his side!)
3. Will: Not Republican (I dare not contradict canon)
2. Rumy: Decided to choose her candidate based on honour; abstained

1. Tim the Fanboy: Whichever party last gave him its sales pitch

10. Dave: Nader (He's a sucker for lost causes)
9. Mike: Bush (Not always popular, but he gets it done)
8. Marsha: Kerry (Know what comes from bushes? Those damn animals, that's what)
7. Margaret: Bush (From her cold, dead hands!)
6. April: In a vain attempt to flatter Mike, voted Green
5. Blue: Kerry (The more her mom pays in taxes, the less she can spend on surveillance)
4. Chester: Bush (Says he's born-again; Chester can relate)
3. Diana: Kerry (More likely to legalize her line of work)
2. The Dragon: Bush (You think he would have gotten into office the first time if she hadn't wanted him there?)

1. Roger: Electric cheesecake on wheels (Failed to see the difference between the election and a nonsense contest, which is... hmm.)

10. Ryan: They don't have sunshine in Chino -- you think they have democracy?
9. Luke: Kerry (Bill Clinton is his hero)
8. Julie: Bush (He may not be the in thing in California, but she really needs those reduced upper-class taxes)
7. Sandy: Kerry (Or he'd never hear the end of it from Nana)
6. Teresa: Bush (Kirsten pressured her to vote Bush and then hastily said she was for Kerry)
5. Seth: Who's Summer voting for?
4. Summer: Who's Seth voting for? Because she'll vote the other way. She's so over Seth Cohen.
3. Caleb: Bush (He considers it his duty as a corrupt businessman to vote Republican)
2. Jimmy: Kerry (He considers it his duty as a girly man to vote Democrat)

1. Marissa: Bush -- pick your own reason!
   (1) He's a former alcoholic; she can relate
   (2) He's viciously hated by certain people with a vehemence that borders on the irrational; she can relate
   (3) He's probably not much of an actor; she can't relate, but Mischa Barton can

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