Zeke presents....

The Top 30 New Year's Resolutions of Heroes Characters

30. Peter: Figure out why he has this nagging feeling of forgetting something
29. Caitlin: Who?
28. Hiro: Try to stop getting into doomed, star-crossed romances -- or at least get some action next time
27. Bennett: Deal with his rage issues and violent tendencies, then calmly shoot Mohinder
26. Nathan: Spin this assassination attempt into great PR via comparisons to Reagan... oh, and survive it
25. Claire: Go public with her secret (Assassins? Bring it on)
24. Elle: Break her annoying narration habit
23. Parkman: See about transferring to the Thought Police division
22. Maya: Deal with the pain of losing her brother, maybe with that nice Dr. Suresh's help
21. Mohinder: Continue naively working for the Company; also, give crazy killer rebound chick the wrong phone number
20. Ando: This is kind of embarrassing, but... learn to read Japanese
19. Micah: Avoid Sony's lawyers after they find out he's a human Pandora's Battery
18. Monica: Whatever your resolution is
17. Niki: Find a less dangerous line of work, like Doritos commercials -- wait, that's Ali Landry. Okay, how about boxing? No....
16. Bob: Lose some weight (What? Some people have normal resolutions)
15. Molly: Avoid being discovered by missing-persons detectives, who would undoubtedly make her use her powers 24/7... she's sympathetic and all, but she needs some Molly time
14. West: Go and... oh, let's face it. Who cares?
13. Kensei: Begin a thoughtful program of self-improvement and meditation -- no, seriously, scrape desperately at the coffin lid. AAAAAAAAAAA!
12. Angela Petrelli: Lie more (she missed a few days this year)
11. Claude: Enlist a homeless guy and go mess with some rustic English town
10. Mrs. Bennett: Never take Noah for granted again... or believe anything he says
9. Princess Yaeko: Uh, probably be dead by now
8. Mr. Muggles: Train with Lassie to learn how to communicate concepts like "whoa, flying dork"
7. Audrey Hanson: Come back to help Parkman stay grounded (no, not just because he's single again)
6. Future Hiro: Not be the guy who shot Nathan, as that would suck
5. Parkman's Boss: Look into the unusual behaviour of... uh... no, relax and take a coffee break. Right.
4. The Haitian: Get people to call him by his name already! Was Alejandro "The Mexican"? Well?
3. Isaac Mendez: Retroactively paint another bunch of pictures to foretell Volume Three; also, consider changing his name to Suzie
2. Heidi Petrelli: Remember to enjoy the simple things in life, like climbing stairs under your own power

1. Sylar: Kill enough people to bring the next list down to a nice reasonable ten. Sheesh!

Comments? Contact the author, Zeke.

Site navigation:
Home
___ Top 10 Lists
___ ___ List #99