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Zeke presents....

The Top 10 Tips For Aliens Invading Earth

  1. Kill the fat guy last -- he's probably not your prime concern
  2. If the hero says "We had a person who thought like you here on Earth too," and the person's name sounds German, it's not a compliment
  3. Don't believe just anybody who tells you he's the leader of Earth (this goes double for British prime ministers)
  4. No matter how persuasive he is, if a human says "Get the hell out of our galaxy," don't forget you can just say "No" and shoot him
  5. Learn enough English not to make a fool of yourself -- saying "Sergeantbilljones" like it's all one name will cost you in the intimidation department
  6. Don't test your planet-killer weapon on Earth itself, or at least don't do it months in advance
  7. There's no such thing as corbomite, they're not really going to fire a gun that destroys the universe, bacteria are not a human delicacy, and don't come in, the water's not fine
  8. If you like the whales that much, just take some with you
  9. There's nothing you can accomplish by possessing a beautiful human female that you can't accomplish faster by just killing people
And the number one tip for aliens invading Earth....
  1. Dude, if you actually have the technology to invade Earth, we're not worth your time
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This list was originally published on July 18, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: This week on Inside 5M.net, Zeke admits that he came up with #9 while thinking about Farscape's "DNA Mad Scientist" and just wrote a list around it. Then we show a bunch of clips from the list in slow motion. Or maybe bullet time. Is that still cool?

All material © 2006, Colin Hayman.