Zeke presents....
The Top 10 Tips For Aliens Invading Earth
- Kill the fat guy last -- he's probably not your prime concern
- If the hero says "We had a person who thought like you here on Earth too," and the person's name sounds German, it's not a compliment
- Don't believe just anybody who tells you he's the leader of Earth (this goes double for British prime ministers)
- No matter how persuasive he is, if a human says "Get the hell out of our galaxy," don't forget you can just say "No" and shoot him
- Learn enough English not to make a fool of yourself -- saying "Sergeantbilljones" like it's all one name will cost you in the intimidation department
- Don't test your planet-killer weapon on Earth itself, or at least don't do it months in advance
- There's no such thing as corbomite, they're not really going to fire a gun that destroys the universe, bacteria are not a human delicacy, and don't come in, the water's not fine
- If you like the whales that much, just take some with you
- There's nothing you can accomplish by possessing a beautiful human female that you can't accomplish faster by just killing people
And the number one tip for aliens invading Earth....
- Dude, if you actually have the technology to invade Earth, we're not worth your time
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This list was originally published on July 18, 2006.
DISCLAIMER: This week on Inside 5M.net, Zeke admits that he came up with #9 while thinking about Farscape's "DNA Mad Scientist" and just wrote a list around it. Then we show a bunch of clips from the list in slow motion. Or maybe bullet time. Is that still cool?
All material © 2006, Colin Hayman.
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