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PointyHairedJedi presents....

The Top 10 Reasons the Voyager Crew Wouldn't Last a Day in the Dune Universe

A lightyear of Voyager Week

  1. Torres: Five minutes after setting foot in a sietch, she would manage to offend every last Fremen living there
  2. Chakotay: Due to the extreme heat and aridness of Arrakis, the first wayward spark would undoubtedly set him instantly ablaze
  3. Tom Paris: Would get eaten by a sandworm after deciding that all the sand makes it a perfect place to play volleyball
  4. Harry Kim: Would get eaten by the sandworm too, having been persuaded by Tom to play volleyball with him
  5. EMH: Would discover very quickly indeed that the populace really don't like artificial intelligences.
  6. Seven: Would quickly die of dehydration out in the deep desert after mistaking her catsuit for her stillsuit, in the end not even realizing the irony of being killed by skin-tight clothing
  7. Lon Suder: Would be sucked into a special anomaly type-thing of DOOM after accidentally meeting Piter de Vries
  8. Tuvok: Upon discovering mentats, he'd have a serious breakdown from the knowledge that there were humans more logical than him
  9. Janeway: After discovering spice coffee, the captain would quickly develop a serious addiction and end up selling Voyager to the highest bidder just to get another hit
And the number one reason the Voyager crew wouldn't last a day in the Dune universe....
  1. Neelix: Would endure an agonising, drawn-out death after making the mistake of offering Baron Harkonnen some leola root stew
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This list was originally published on December 24, 2004.

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All material © 2004, PointyHairedJedi.