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PointyHairedJedi presents....

The Top 10 Outcomes of the Serenity Crew Being Assimilated by the Borg

A lightyear of Voyager Week

  1. Upon assimilating Inara: All Borg vessels get a makeover, and are now decorated with drapes, silk cushions, and big candles
  2. Upon assimilating Mal: Disturbingly for them, the Collective begins to see things from the Voyager crew's perspective for a change
  3. Upon assimilating Zoe: The Collective takes a dislike to moustaches, but not for any reason it can put its finger on
  4. Upon assimilating Kaylee: The Borg Queen starts to get a bit hot under the collar whenever she sees a particularly interesting bit of machinery
  5. Upon assimilating Jayne: The Collective suddenly gets the urge to assimilate Risa, Amsterdam, and Texas
  6. Upon assimilating River: Drones start acting really really strange, even stranger than that time the Collective assimilated an ancient piece of software called "Windows ME"
  7. Upon assimilating Simon: The Borg take a sudden dislike to O-type stars
  8. Upon assimilating Wash: Drones start wearing Hawaiian shirts all the time and flicking the same three switches whenever they do something, regardless of what it actually is
  9. Upon assimilating Book: The Collective no longer kills those it cannot assimilate -- it kneecaps them instead
And the number one outcome of the Serenity crew being assimilated by the Borg....
  1. Upon assimilating Serenity itself: The Borg cease to exist in a single blinding flash, having discovered something that was thought flat-out impossible: a ship that doesn't run on technobabble
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This list was originally published on December 23, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: Will the Borg now have the Serenity to adapt to the things they cannot assimilate?

All material © 2004, PointyHairedJedi.