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Zeke presents....

The Top 10 Signs That Your Girlfriend is a Cylon

  1. You hate how she makes you call her "Imperious Leader"
  2. She's weirdly excited when any sports tournament gets down to the final four
  3. Plowmen dig her earth
  4. Talking to her about religion is about as much fun as ramming your crotch into a wall socket
  5. You're getting worried about the relationship, but she insists it's all in your mind
  6. She also says you're just projecting
  7. You can give her a slice of bread and she'll give it back crispy
  8. There's, er, something else that's kind of like that wall socket thing
  9. If you see one more person on the street who looks exactly like her, you're gonna go crazy
And the number one sign that your girlfriend is a Cylon...
  1. She likes to pretend she has a plan
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This list was originally published on November 17, 2012.

DISCLAIMER: Item 8 was originally "She comes and goes, and her footservants too". Unfortunately, it turns out I've been hearing that line wrong for years. It's actually "barefoot servants", not "their footservants", and there's apparently no such word as "footservants" (I always figured it was another word for footmen). I still prefer my version. If I've learned one thing from Shakespeare, it's never to let mere verbal nonexistence stand in the way of meter.

All material © 2012, Zeke.