Home Prev 5MVG: EPISODES Home

Five-Minute Tomb Raider 3

India -> London

Street Bum: I would've picked Nevada myself.
Lara: What's that?
Bum: Er, I asked for ten pence. But I see that rubber catsuit lacks pockets, so forget I said anything.

Lara: Ah, there's nothing I like better than aimlessly jumping from building to building in hopes of randomly meeting someone with information I can use.
Assassin: (That's my cue.) Ahem. I work for Sophia Leigh. You die now.
Lara: Wait, wait. You can at least reveal some plot before I die, right? I mean... what's the difference?
Assassin: All right, all right. I work for this incredibly rich old geezer lady, just like my father and his father and his father and his father and his --
Lara: I get the idea. Now how'd she get to live so long?
Assassin: Hell if I know. You die now.
Lara: Eat bell.
Assassin: No thanks, I stopped by for a chalupa earlier and -- GAK!
Lara: Gotta love using holy artifacts to kill unimportant characters.

Lara: Wow, an abandoned tube station.
Thug: Hey! Get out of our top secret mutant alligator farm!
Lara: Huh?
Thug: Well with the sewer systems right next door, it'd be a waste not to put those flushed pet alligators to good use....

Lara: So let me get this straight: all you thugs have been condemned by God?
Thug Boss: (sigh) For the last time, we only call ourselves the Dam--
Lara: --med. Hey, if we spell it this way we can at least pretend you generate hydroelectric power.
Thug Boss: I'm not sure I follow. Anywho, go get us some embalming fluid from the museum, and we'll let you have access to our super cool system of water edifices.
Lara: Aw, I was only kidding about the dammed bit....

Tour Guide: On your left you'll see a giant sphinx, which we somehow got into this fictionally-exaggerated building. Now if you look to your left you'll see-- wait, wait. This isn't embalming fluid, it's Crisco!
Lara: Hey, you weren't using that stuff, and with my figure I can't afford to bake cookies.

Thug Boss: Good work, the door is open, O top-heavy one. Now back to business... Sparky!
Sparky: grrrr.
Thug Boss: I'm going to strap this embalming fluid to your back, and all you have to do is storm Sophia's office complex.
Sparky: grrrr.
Thug Boss: Attagator.
Lara: (aside) I don't get it.
Thug: He's confusing embalming fluid with napalm. If I were you I'd get out before he realizes the truth.

Lara: Over the sewers and through the loo, to Sophia's place I go....
Sophia: You could've just made an appointment, you know.
Lara: Gah! Are you Natla?
Sophia: No, but I get that a lot. Now then, I'd recommend you not waste ammo on me, but you're just going to lose it in Nevada anyway.
Lara: Oh, stop it already. Pow! Pow!
Sophia: How typical... your strategies are hardly shocking.
Lara: Pow!
(walkway is electrified)
Lara: Oh, come on. You knew somebody had to make a bad pun about this encounter, or sparks certainly would've been flying.... Anywho, where were we...?

To travel to Nevada, turn to page 2.
To voyage to the South Pacific Isles, turn to page 11.