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Five-Minute "What Are Little Girls Made Of?"

by Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg

Kirk: Nurse Chapel, get ready to meet your snookums.
Chapel: Captain!
Kirk: I actually meant Korby.
Chapel: Oh, him. I know he's alive, even if it's been five years.

Captain's Log: We've found Korby and his associates. They all live in a yellow.... uh, some underground caves.

Korby: Please come alone.
Spock: An unusual request. Nurse, is that him?
Chapel: I ought to know. Roger! Taffy ears!
Korby: Christine! Cutie fudge pie!
Spock: Technically, the transporter should be the only beaming thing around here.

Kirk: Yo! Korby!
Chapel: Strange. He ought to be here.
Kirk: Enterprise, beam down two pieces of cannon fodder. Rayburn, stay. Matthews, seek.
Rayburn: Matthews gets all the fun assignments....

Kirk: Dr. Korby?
Chapel: Dominic! Where's Roger?
Matthews: GAAA-- AK!
Brown: No one pushed him into the chasm, cross my heart-- (mumbles) although I don't have one.
Kirk: Mr. Rayburn, is everything okay with you?
Rayburn: Yes. Rayburn out.... hey, what's with those bags under your eyes? Are you a pusher or-- GAK!

Brown: Dr. Korby's discoveries here have revolutionized the universe.
Kirk: Is that worth the life of a cave man?
Andrea: Oh, Christine, you are as beautiful as your name sounds.
Chapel: You're news to me and look a little too good for comfort. Where did you come from?
Andrea: I can only remember waking up, feeling a bit dizzy. Rogeybuns was the first thing I saw.
Chapel: Captain, permission to turn green.
Kirk: Granted.

Kirk: Rayburn, report!
Brown: I'll take that. You can't communicate.
Korby: Just obey Brown. You will understand.
Kirk: Without communicating? Then one phaser shot it is, straight from the hip.
"Brown": GAK?
Chapel: Captain, I presume you'll be charged-- with battery.

Spock: Enterprise here. Jim, what's the situation?
Ruk: (imitating Kirk's voice) Things here are fascinating.
Spock: Captain, you sound tired.
Ruk: You would be too if you had to wear fake bags under the eyes all the time. "Kirk" out.

Korby: I've got a reputation to think about.
Kirk: I haven't heard anything of the sort.
Korby: Ruk, do your impressive impressions.
Ruk: An old machine has learned new tricks-- It's all coming back to me, la la la....
Korby: Ick. Not the Celine Dion one.

Korby: Note how lifelike she is-- Andrea the Android.
Chapel: Then how come Data the android will look artificial about a hundred years from now?
Kirk: Talk to someone who's actually interested. I'll want to return after Generations.
Chapel: I'll go talk to the folks on Enterprise about the Borg, then-- I know I'm producer material.
Kirk: Point obviously not taken, but suit yourself.

Korby: Observe. I put a piece of clay on one side of this spinning table and your Captain on the other. Now who's who?
Chapel: They are both pompous. I wouldn't know.
Kirk: Note to self for android copy-- I'm sick of pointy-eared Vulcan half-breeds!

Andrea: I have been programmed to please you.
Chapel: Then stay away from Korby. And quit calling him "Rogeybuns".
"Kirk": I guess you feel torn between loyalties -- to Roger and to me.
Chapel: Just eat.
"Kirk": Androids do not eat.
Kirk: Mind if I join the party? My truss is beginning to loosen.

Korby: You can be an android too, Christine.
Chapel: That's not for me. But keep talking while the Captain loosens the string conveniently wrapped around his chair.
Korby: Garghh.... Ruk!.... Protect!
Chapel: Ruk! NO! Don't hurt him!
Ruk: (imitating Chapel's voice) Captain Kirk -- I can help you!
Kirk: Right. I think I'm between a Ruk and a hard place.... but pull me up, will you?

Spock: Captain, you are back early.
"Kirk": I'm sick of pointy-eared Vulcan half-breeds!
Spock: Did you by any chance steal Dr. McCoy's part this week?

Kirk: Andrea? Kiss me.
Andrea: If I were human, I should tell you to get lost -- but okay....
Kirk: Was it good for you?
Andrea: I'm not programmed for you.
Ruk: Keep your hands off the artificial gal of my dreams.

Kirk: Were the old machines just a bit too good?
Ruk: The humans started the revolting practice of shutting us machines down, so we revolted.
Kirk: Humans have so many illogical traits. Korby, for one, wants to destroy you.
Ruk: Korby, you bring the evil ba-- GAK!

Kirk: What has become of you, Korby? Why, you're peeling!
Chapel: Eek!
Korby: I'm still the same.... or even better. There's someone outside. Andrea, protect!

Andrea: I killed Kirk. He didn't want to kiss me -- said it was illogical.
Kirk: A perfect world -- but you're killing each other!
Korby: I AM KIR -- uh, ROGER KORBY!
Chapel: You're not Roger. Roger would never have done what you've done.
Andrea: Roger, welcome to my homepage. I kiss you.... now hang on while I kill the two of us.

Kirk: Thanks for saving the day, Spock.
Spock: You know, I was rather flustered, Jim....
Kirk: By my calling you a half-breed earlier?
Spock: Sentences aren't supposed to end in a preposition -- yet the title of this episode does.
Kirk: Spock, if you were replaced by an android, would you become more human?
(Kirk snickers to himself at Ludicrous Speed)


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Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg.

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This fiver was originally published on September 2, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2004, Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg.