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Five-Minute "The Empath"

by Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg

Captain's Log: We are orbiting the second planet in the Minarian system, where the star is about to go nova. As we need to evacuate the personnel on the space station, we are trying to locate the inhabitants, especially the babes. The male population is not as urgent a matter.

Spock: Dust.
McCoy: You have a talent for stating the obvious, Spock, but you're usually more verbose.
Kirk: A tape. Maybe it will tell us something?
McCoy: That's just swell; now it's contagious. And Scotty just left me --

McCoy: -- to endure a storm shelter with both of them. Hey, I'm alone -- great!
Spock: (POOF)
Kirk: (POOF)
McCoy: (sigh) I'm with Crazies. Jim -- that cut, does it hurt?
Kirk: No.
McCoy: (mutters) Too bad. (ahem) Good.

McCoy: Looks like we've reached a spare room.
Kirk: Spare Oom? Strange name for a strange place. We should be watching out for war drobes.
McCoy: Which wardrobe? Next you'll be telling me you saw a lion.
Kirk: Honest, Bones, I ain't a-lyin'. Hey, a babe!

Kirk: She's not very conversational. What's your name, pretty?
McCoy: She's a mute, and I think we can call her Gem.
Kirk: I'm flattered, but isn't Jim a man's name?
McCoy: (mutters) You deaf old coot; it had to be you in the captain's chair.
Kirk: I heard that!

Spock: It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.
McCoy: Token aliens, no wonder.
Kirk: I demand to know why we're here.
Lal: You of all people should know Classic Star Trek predicaments always include "The Big Three".

McCoy: Write us out of this force field, William Shatner.
Lal: William Shatner? The William Shatner?
Kirk: Yes! Do you like my books? Technically, I do have writing aides....
Lal: Honestly, I have no idea who you are. Oh, I kill me, I really do.
Thann: You worry about them -- I can worry about you if you like.

Kirk: Whaddya know -- she healed the cut on my forehead.
McCoy: (mutters) Do I have to spell it out for you? S-h-e-'-s a-n e-m --
Kirk: Come again?
McCoy: She's an empath, Jim. I know that's a concept you may find hard to grasp.

Spock: I surmise we are about to become exhibits.
Kirk: Kirk, S-p-o-- Spock, and M-c-C.... oh, I give up.
Lal: Welcome, gentlemen -- you are right on schedule. I need to conduct some more tests for exact results.
McCoy: Hey, the missing station personnel -- all dead. Yes, you sure can be exacting.

Spock: Captain, I've found an exit.
Kirk: Let's make a run for it. Scotty -- S-c-o-t-t-y....
Lal: His will to survive is great.
Than: And, for once, his movements match his speech perfectly.

Thann: We have decided one person is sufficient. Captain Kirk, your sidekicks can go.
Spock: Captain, I wish to remain --
Kirk: Permission denied. Spock...? McCoy?... Hey, where'd they go?
Lal: They are safe. They're our prime ingredient. Mwahahaha!

Scotty: Mr. 'Fascinated-by-Numbers' Sulu, can you tell me when it's safe to return to the station?
Sulu: Readings are now 2.72 on the Ritter scale. We'll have to wait at least 17 hours before we can enter orbit --
Scotty: I get the picture, laddie. As long as we're stuck out here, we might as well relax....
Sulu: Think they're in any danger?
Scotty: If I know Captain Kirk -- hey, shut that ominous music off!

Kirk: Who are you? What do you want?
Lal: We're neither Vorlons nor Shadows; we are Vians. You are of little interest to us.
Kirk: Yet you killed Linke and Ozaba.
Thann: Their fears killed them; we did not. Show us how passionate you are.
Kirk: Impassion this -- (ZAP) OW!

McCoy: The passageway was there before. Where's the exit now?
Spock: Doctor, my tricorder seems non-functional. But the Captain has arrived.
McCoy: What have they done to you? Gem, help him!
Kirk: Gem? Will she live?
McCoy: She's a fully functional empath, so even if you can be draining on anyone, she'll be fine.

Spock: I think I can beam us away with this device here --
Thann: Ah, Captain. I see your crewmates are here; we need another subject.
Kirk: We will not cooperate.
Lal: The doctor has an 87% chance of dying, and Spock has a 93% chance of suffering from insanity.
Kirk: If anyone is to go crazy around here, it should be me.

Kirk: Hey, I call the shots -- (PSSFT)
McCoy: Speaking of shots, that's one handy hypospray.
Spock: Well done, Doctor; I am now calling the shots -- (PSSFT)
McCoy: I could learn to enjoy this.... okay, Vians, get on with it.

Kirk: Where can you get us?
Spock: Out, or to the Vians; the choice is yours.
Kirk: Aim for the lab to find the man who gave us a jab. Hey, I just rhymed!
Spock: Incidentally, I just thought of an old Earth phrase beginning "I'm" and ending "with Stupid."

Spock: Dr McCoy -- he's about dead, Jim.
Kirk: But you're a science officer, not a doctor.
Spock: Massive internal injuries says so even to a science officer.
McCoy: I see you've been studying my good bedside manner, Spock.

Kirk: Gem....
Lal: Captain, remember your non-interference directive. For once, we will make sure it applies.
Thann: We are trying to determine if Gem's species is worthy of survival.
Kirk: By killing Bones?
Lal: For a moment, I actually thought this man was smart, but now he talks of killing bones....

McCoy: Gem saved my life.
Kirk: And, evidently, emotion was what the Vians valued the most. Spock, will you tell the Vulcans?
Spock: I have not yet finished considering that possibility.
Kirk: I see. Mr Sulu, while Spock raises an eyebrow, we can go ahead at Warp factor 2.
(The Enterprise warps off at Medium Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on February 16, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2006, Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg.