McCoy: Mmm, we're beaming down for dinner. I could use a non-reconstituted meal.
Spock: Doctor, you are senseless.
McCoy: You bet your pointed ears I... Hey! You were supposed to say "emotional"!
Kirk: My recorder is still missing.
Sulu: And that is bad how?
Kirk: I can't record a Captain's Log.
Sulu: Again, and that is bad how?
McCoy: Where's the beef?
Spock: Surely, it's not on Cestus III, Doctor.
Kirk: Someone's destroyed the outpost. Blast!
Spock: Are you expressing some sort of emotion?
Kirk: Try a warning -- duck!
Lang, O'Herlihy, Kelowitz and Harold: GAK!
Spock: Last time I checked, ducks said "quack." But it's close enough.
McCoy: Note to self -- stock up on nappies.
Kirk: Bones?
McCoy: With the number of Ensigns that "diaper" episode, I thought they might come in handy.
Sulu: (over the comm) We are under attack by an alien ship!
Kirk: Kirk here. Save my ship.
Sulu: Captain?
Kirk: Don't risk lowering the screens. You'll be vulnerable. Kirk out.
Sulu: You know, we don't even know what to call the shields yet.
Uhura: What does it matter?
Sulu: I just don't think this series is big on the consistency issue.
Uhura: I'm happy, as long as I get to wear my red dress.
Kirk: I'm going to use the Kirkian double flip.
Spock: Captain?
Kirk: Just invented it. Enemies, say hello to our friend, Mr Mortar.
Mortar: Zap!
Kirk: Now for some off-screen action. All hands, back on ship.
Kirk: Let's hunt them down. Sulu, surpass their warp speed.
Spock: Captain, sustaining high speeds could be bad.
Kirk: Thank you, Batman. I'll let you know when I have time for a lecture. Warp 8!
Enterprise: SCREECH
Sulu: We have stopped dead in space.
Metron: You are here on a violent mission. Prepare to settle this our way -- Captains go one-on-one to the death, the loser's ship is destroyed.
Kirk: (poof)
Kirk: Yikes, it's Godzilla.
Gorn: Actually, the name is Yenrab. (goes for a branch)
Kirk: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!
Gorn: Take thisss, you garbage-ssscow ssskipper.
Kirk: OW! I need a hug.
Gorn: Only too glad to oblige.
Rock: CRASH!
Kirk: Got him!
Gorn: (getting up) Ah, that's a weight off my chessst. Now for a ssstab at that human.
Kirk: Meh! You missed!
Gorn: Darn, this rubber sssuit makesss one clumsy.
Kirk: You massacred humans. DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Gorn: You were tressspasssing.
Kirk: That's just because we haven't heard of the Prime Directive yet.
Captain's Log: I'm just babbling on, and that lizard is listening. There are diamonds here, though there are no women around, and several other minerals, including sulfur and potassium nitrate. How I would know is beyond my comprehension.
Metron: Enterprise crew, you may watch your captain's final moments.
Spock: He's on to something. Now if he could only find some coal.
Sulu: He should have brought his stocking from last Christmas.
Makeshift cannon: BOOM
Gorn: Ssso, you got me. End it quickly.
Kirk: You're the villain, I should hiss at you; however, I won't kill you.
Metron: You showed unexpected mercy. Want the Gorn ship destroyed?
Kirk: Nah. I won't be able to gloat as much then.
Metron: We'll be in touch when we're ready.
Kirk: Soon?
Metron: If a thousand years is soon to you, then yes.
Kirk: The Metrons took us clear across the galaxy.
Spock: Evidently our luggage is still in the Metron system.
McCoy: Jim, you seem a bit sad.
Kirk: Yes -- all that action, and I never even got my shirt ripped!
(The Enterprise warps off at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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