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Five-Minute "Coming of Age"

by Derek Dean

Picard: Good luck on your test, Wesley. I hope you get into the Academy and never have to visit this ship again.
Wesley: Thanks, sir. But I'm sure that even if I get into the Academy, I'll still want at least one episode a season anyway.

Quinn: Hey, this guy here is Remmick. He's here to annoy you.
Picard: All right. Want to tell me what's going on?
Quinn: No. I trust no one, but I'm sure the truth is out there.
Picard: Admiral, have you been watching X-Files again?


Oliana: Hi. You must be Wesley. I've heard a lot about you.
Wesley: Are you a love interest for me this episode?
Oliana: Not after what I've heard about you.
T'Shanik: I'm also not a love interest; you won't get one until next season.
Mordock: And I'm your rival, so forget about any male friendship between us.
Wesley: Sigh.

Chang: Hi, Academy candidates. I'm Chang! Ready? Go!
Computer: Why did the Romulan cross the Neutral Zone?
Wesley, Mordock, T'Shanik: Easy.
Oliana: Um, um, um....
Computer: Time's up.
Oliana: Crap.
Wesley: How could you not get that one? It's obviously "To get to the other side."
Oliana: If you were any other nerd, I would kill you where you stand!

Remmick: Let me ask you some questions about the Captain's logs.
Riker: Why don't you ask the Captain about them?
Remmick: Shut up and answer the question.
Riker: You haven't asked me a question yet.
Remmick: Oh yeah.

Remmick: Would you say the Captain was irresponsible to let Kosinski into Engineering?
La Forge: No, why would I?
Remmick: Because that incident resulted in Wesley being made an acting ensign.
La Forge: That is a good point.

Remmick: So would you call the Captain sane?
Troi: Of course not. His name's Jean-Luc.
Remmick: What about the time he was mind-controlled by the Ferengi?
Troi: His name was still Jean-Luc.

Worf: What are you doing here on the Holodeck?
Wesley: I was, um, trying to scare myself for the psych test.
Worf: With a program called "Vulcan Love Slave"?
Wesley: Look, just don't tell my mom, okay?

Yar: Captain, someone's stealing one of our shuttles!
Riker: We have shuttles?
Remmick: Why aren't there proper security procedures in place to prevent this sort of thing?
Picard: Good point! Yar, who is in charge of shuttlebay security?
Yar: Some Vulcan named Tuvok.
Picard: Well, transfer him to another ship. I want this to be the last time something like this happens!

Remmick: Data, tell me what's really going on here.
Data: An interrogation.
Remmick: No, no. I mean, on the ship.
Data: The alpha shift?
Remmick: Never mind. Next!

Remmick: So how does it feel being on the same ship as the man who killed your husband?
Crusher: You want this to be a P/C moment, don't you?
Remmick: Um, no?

Remmick: So you saved Wesley's life in "Justice" to curry favor with Dr. Crusher, correct?
Picard: You want this to be a P/C moment, don't you?
Remmick: Heh. What makes you think that?

Remmick: All right, he's clean. You can talk to him.
Picard: So what's this about?
Quinn: There's a conspiracy going on!
Picard: Yeah, I know, and I have to say that this whole P/C thing has gotten out of hand!
Quinn: Not that, stupid. I'm trying to set up an episode later in the season.

Chang: And now it's time for the psych test.
Wesley: Huh? Oh, we're back to my subplot? Cool.

Chang: Good job saving that guy.
Wesley: Thanks. It's what my father would have wanted.
Chang: Your father was killed for what he wanted.
Wesley: Huh?
Chang: Never mind. It was a Star Trek VI reference.

Picard: What's wrong, Wesley? Upset that you have to leave the Enterprise, I hope?
Wesley: No. I didn't get in. I failed everyone.
Picard: No, you didn't. You're a main character. You can't leave no matter how much we all want you off the show.
Wesley: That's true. But I think I'll have to stop being a main character at some point.
Picard: At least you won't get killed off when you leave like some other main characters will soon.
Wesley: Good point.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on September 5, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2002, Derek Dean.