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Five-Minute "Attached"

by Marc Richard

Crusher: Beverly calling Jean-Luc. Answer me or I'll throw a croissant at you....
Picard: I'm sorry...my attention must have drifted.
Crusher: Are you preoccupied about our upcoming Away Mission?
Picard: No, I just find your stories about Nurse Ogawa boring.
Picard: Ouch.
Crusher: Just be glad I didn't put jam on it first.

Kes Official: (over the comm) Enterprise, the two officers you beamed down a moment ago never arrived.
Worf: Fill out a lost-cargo claim form and we will try to locate them for you.

Picard: Why did you xenophobic Prytt kidnap us?
Lorin: To protect ourselves from having any contact with you Earthlings.
Crusher: Like this conversation, for instance?
Lorin: I said we were reclusive. I never said we were smart.

Data: My analysis shows the Captain and Doctor did not have travel insurance.
Riker: Makes sense. Transporting is supposed to be safe and foolproof.
Worf: That is what Lieutenant Barclay keeps claiming.

Crusher: The guard brought me my tricorder! It contains an escape map!
Picard: Too bad. I thought he was bringing us lunch.

Riker: The Captain and Doctor were kidnapped by the Prytt?
Mauric: Yes. They're fanatic isolationists who accuse us of being paranoid.
Riker: Why would the Prytt say that about the Kes?
Mauric: Because they're all out to get us!

Worf: You may use these quarters while you are on the ship.
Mauric: Could anyone spy on us through the keyhole?
Worf: The doors do not have a keyhole.
Mauric: Hah! I'm not falling for that old trick!

Riker: This is the Enterprise calling the Prytt Ministry of Internal Affairs.
Prytt Official: (over the comm) What? Where did you get our number?
Riker: From your so-called "Complete Planetary Telephone Directory."
Prytt Official: But why are you calling us?
Riker: Because yours is the only number listed there.

Crusher: I have a theory about what these brain implants are for.
Picard: Yes, that's my guess too.
Crusher: I know.

Crusher: The telepathic link is forcing us to stay close to each other.
Picard: It's almost like being chained together, isn't it?
Crusher: Where did you get that image from? Some old Tony Curtis movie?

Crusher: Over the years, I've learned not to say every stupid thing that pops into my mind.
Picard: You mean that there's still hope for Deanna?

Riker: I assure you the Federation is not conspiring with the Prytt.
Mauric: Hah! What kind of gullible, idiotic fool do you think I am?
Riker: I don't think of you as gullible, sir.

Crusher: You were in love with me? Why didn't you ever tell me or my husband?
Picard: It's wrong for two Starfleet officers to be involved with the same shipmate.
Crusher: I guess you're right. Deanna's lucky she's never had that problem.

Mauric: Your secret plot doesn't fool us!
Lorin: And your secret plot doesn't fool us!
Riker: Good. Now that we agree on something, let me make a few pointed threats.

Prytt Guard: (over the comm) We've finally managed to capture the escaped humans.
Lorin: Excellent. Release them.

Picard: Should we explore the feelings we've discovered for each other?
Crusher: We'd better not. I'm worried we'll end up like Will and Deanna.
Picard: Call me an optimist if you want, but I still have hopes for those two.
Crusher: Show me a wedding invitation from them and I'll believe you.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on September 5, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2001, Marc Richard.