The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > News

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-15-2012, 11:47 AM
Zeke's Avatar
Zeke Zeke is offline
The lens that flares in the night
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 3,337
Send a message via ICQ to Zeke Send a message via AIM to Zeke Send a message via Yahoo to Zeke
Default November 14: Dracula is a Fool

Guess what? Today is the first honest-to-God real update in just over a year. But it'll take a little explaining, so pull up a chair.

The forums at GameFAQs are well-known for a number of things, one of which is having a separate board for almost every game ever made, and another of which is not being particularly good. But if you get just the right balance between an empty board and one that's full of morons, great things can happen. One example was a series of comedy threads that appeared on the Castlevania boards. It began with a post called "Dracula is a fool", in which the series' main bad guy was criticized for always using the same attack pattern. People started writing little scenes about this, the subject matter grew broader, and soon the thread was an ongoing sketch comedy about Dracula's terrible ideas, with recurring boss Death as the long-suffering straight man.

This all went down in 2007. I was really enjoying the threads, though not contributing; I had a few ideas but nothing solid. Eventually someone started a companion thread, "Death is a Fool", which was supposed to turn the tables. I didn't really see where that could go, as Death is generally pretty sharp (he even varies his attacks more than Drac does). It was with this in the back of my mind that I read the much-anticipated final Harry Potter book, The Deathly Hallows.

All of a sudden I had the perfect Death is a Fool concept. But by the time (much later) I got around to writing it all up, there were no more active Fool threads. I shelved the piece pending a new thread or other opportunity, and after a while, pretty much forgot about it. It wasn't till this year, pondering some Hallowe'en stuff I could post, that I decided to just go ahead and publish the thing already.

I call it Death is a Fool: Hallow Pursuits. It was written for Castlevania fans, so it's full of series in-jokes, but you can safely let them wash over you. (Or play the games! Everybody knows Castlevania has great gameplay and music, but what's less well known is that the series has a rich ongoing story, with each new game filling in a different spot in the timeline. Until the reboot, of course.)

And if you find it strange that I would make a whole new title banner for this one piece, don't worry. It's probably nothing.

__________________
FiveMinute.net: because stuff is long and life is short

[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-15-2012, 05:58 PM
Derek's Avatar
Derek Derek is offline
Dean of misderektion
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sector 001
Posts: 1,106
Default

Quote:
Death: My current theory is that it's in Britain. There have been reports of an invisible man. Also a time machine.

Dracula: Very wells.
Indeed.

Nice work, Zeke.
__________________
"Please, Aslan," said Lucy, "what do you call soon?"
"I call all times soon," said Aslan; and instantly he vanished away and Lucy was alone with the Magician.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-16-2012, 03:14 AM
MaverickZer0's Avatar
MaverickZer0 MaverickZer0 is offline
Suuuuuper genius
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: On Beach Street, in a Dimensional Area
Posts: 745
Send a message via AIM to MaverickZer0 Send a message via MSN to MaverickZer0 Send a message via Yahoo to MaverickZer0
Default

I have no idea what I just read, but I liked it.
__________________
Sig v8.2.2

No, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to go and do it anyway.

*pokes avatar* Made by a good LJ friend. Thanks Ani!

Dark Blues: I'm going to kill you!
Enzan: Not if I kill me first!
Dark Blues: You...are aware my goal is accomplished either way, right?
Enzan: ...Yeah...
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-16-2012, 12:09 PM
evay's Avatar
evay evay is offline
But if you put the hammer in an elevator...
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Deck Four, Section Seven
Posts: 506
Default

Quote:
Dracula: Uh huh. Have a drink and take some deep breaths.
(Somehow, Death does so. It calms him down.)
Dracula: Feel better?
Death: Yes. Thank you.
Dracula: Want a mop?
Death: Shut up.
I love this for the subtlety.
__________________
Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. — Sherlock Holmes
"The Adventure of the Yellow Face," Arthur Conan Doyle
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-16-2012, 03:12 PM
Sa'ar Chasm's Avatar
Sa'ar Chasm Sa'ar Chasm is offline
Our last, best hope for peace
Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sitting (in Ottawa)
Posts: 3,425
Default

Yeah, when Drac offered Death the drink, I half expected that joke to be made early on. I was gleefully happy when it turned up at the end. Well-executed, Zeke.
__________________
The first run through of any experimental procedure is to identify any potential errors by making them.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-16-2012, 11:06 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,800
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Quote:
Death: Of course! I wasn't that careless. Before handing it over, I cast an incantation to ensure that I could see through the cloak.

Dracula: It says here the owner used it to hide from you for his entire life.

Death: Yes, well...

Dracula: You actually phrased your incantation "see through the cloak", didn't you?

Death: Bloody literal magic..


Quote:
Dracula: Uh huh. Have a drink and take some deep breaths.

(Somehow, Death does so. It calms him down.)

Dracula: Feel better?

Death: Yes. Thank you.

Dracula: Want a mop?

Death: Shut up.
Timing is the heart of comedy, or something like that. This is a well-timed punchline, is what I'm saying.

Quote:
Dracula: I said I had two questions. I may be satisfied as to your self-control, but I still have doubts about your judgment.

Death: Yes, it has been getting pretty tepid reviews.
I'm guessing this dates the piece pretty accurately . . .

Quote:
Death: When I'm done here, I am going to sickle-spam him like he won't believe.
LOL.

I don't know much about Castlevania (or all that much about Harry Potter), but this is indeed very funny. Well done.
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-18-2012, 12:26 PM
Zeke's Avatar
Zeke Zeke is offline
The lens that flares in the night
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 3,337
Send a message via ICQ to Zeke Send a message via AIM to Zeke Send a message via Yahoo to Zeke
Default

Hey guys, I just want to let you know I appreciate you reading esoteric stuff like this -- I know it's not exactly what you come here for. Over the years, 5M.net has gone from strictly Trek to a collection of everything I feel like making jokes about. I'd probably write this stuff anyway, but it's great to have an audience even when I'm being random. (Also, I was starting to wonder if anyone had noticed I was updating again.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by NAHTMMM View Post
I'm guessing this dates the piece pretty accurately . . .
Perhaps even more accurately than you think -- Death isn't referring to the book this time. It's a sneaky reference. When I wrote this, the game Castlevania Judgment had just come out and was getting tepid reviews. (It's a fighting game for Wii with bizarre art design. While reasonably fun, it's very atypical of the series.)
__________________
FiveMinute.net: because stuff is long and life is short

[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:16 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,272
Default

Quote:
(Also, I was starting to wonder if anyone had noticed I was updating again.)
I'm here every day, Zeke. Never doubt that.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
diaf, dracula is still a threat, features, nanupomo, weird stuff

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:20 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.