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Old 10-15-2007, 01:14 AM
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Default Five-Minute "Rising I + II"

I wrote these... oh, years ago, now. Very little editing, but I have fivers for the first seven episodes of Atlantis. I tried getting them published, but Zeke and I have email issues, and, frankly, I think he realized they sucked and was tactfully attempting to lose them.

But I don't care anymore! There are no recent updates to the sites, these fivers are just collecting dust, and I had a hard day today. I hope you don't mind the 5MSG forum clutter.

So here's your first. Even if unrefined, I hope it's worth a laugh or two at times.


Five-Minute “Rising”
By Wowbagger

Several Million Years Ago:
Woman: You ever wonder why we’re here?
Man: It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? I mean, why are we here? Are we--?
Woman: Shut up. It was rhetorical.

Beckett: I am so afraid of this chair.
Weir: Great. We were just having problems coming up with B-plots. I’ll sign you up on chair duty for... how’s the rest of the season sound?

Daniel Jackson: Cameo! I can’t go with you because I have that whole bit with the Replicators this season, but take a look at this eight-cypher Gate Key.
Weir: I count nine.
Jackson: McKay! I told you to stop drawing in the Canadian flag and labeling it “The Ultimate Cypher!”

Meta-Wier: Hey, look! Our new opening credits. What’s with the helicopter?
Meta-McKay: They’re not showing the aising-ray of tlantis-Ay in order to keep it a surprise.
Meta-Weir: What? We get to raise Atlantis?
Meta-McKay: *sigh*

Beckett: So, uh... just what will I be controlling from the chair?
McKay: The most powerful weapons in the galaxy. Try not to focus on it too much.
Beckett: Okay. Instead, I’ll imagine somthing nice and safe. I’m flying!
(explosions are heard as the weapon starts flying)

O’Neill: *sigh* Any idea what the forty-seventh thing to try to kill me this week is? Looks a bit like an Ancient drone.
Sheppard: No, it’s too small. I wonder what—Holy crap, that thing’s an AIBO! MOVE!

McKay: Now would be a good time to turn the chair off.
Beckett: Hang on. I’m going to wait until I can get within about one foot of killing the star from the other show.
McKay: Good to hear we’re making some lasting relationships with the SG-1 crew.

Sheppard: AHHHHHHHH!
Aibo #1: Bark! Bark! Bark! GAK!
O’Neill: Curmudge, curmudge, curmudge.
Sheppard: I find it foreboding how that Aibo is numbered.

McKay: All we need is your most powerful device, and we’ll be sure to bring you back some nifty pictures of Ancients and stuff.
O’Neill: Not gonna do it.
Weir: What if we promise to come back with a large army of extremely powerful aliens close behind us?
O’Neill: Oh, well then. Have fun.

Beckett: Hey! Major, you turned on the chair!
O’Neill: Dang. I always liked being the only one on the SGC who could run this Ancient stuff. *thinks* Say... how would you like to be marooned in a whole ‘nother galaxy...?

Weir: Okay, equipment checklist! Bad attitudes!
Sheppard and Ford: Check.
Weir: Obnoxious yet adorable scientific team!
McKay and Beckett: Check.
Weir: Technobabble generators, plot diversion fields, forty-seven cases of pie!
Sumner: Check.
Weir: Enough power to get us home!
Luggage Guy: Here’s the last of your pie, sir. You going to tip me with cash?
Sumner: Cheque.
Weir: Okay, I’d say we’re good to go!

Sumner: We seem to be underwater.
Weir: Why would Atlantis be underwater? I’m stunned.

Station Commander’s Log: Am I allowed to make these?

Hologram: If anyone ever comes back here be sure not to use the fridge. I think I left a few salads in there. Also, be sure to feed the Aib--er... dogs, and trash collection is on Thursdays.
McKay: Noooo! Power loss! *slide tackles Beckett*

McKay: We’re all gonna die without a Zed PM in, like, a day.
Sheppard: Canadian lies! We all know that Milo saved Atlantis from the Russians. Power was never a problem.
(awkward silence)
Weir: ...Major, this isn’t the Disney movie.
Sheppard: Sure it isn’t. Look, there’s Milo now.
Zelenka: Why are you pointing at me?

Sheppard: Hi. We’re here to chat. I’ll be doing most of the talking, because, as it turns out, Colonel Sumner’s first name is Cavit.
Teyla: Sweet. You have any catsuit babes over there on Atlantis?
Sheppard: Unless you count Dr. Weir...
Ford: Ahhh! *tries to tear eyes out*
Sheppard: I’ll take that as a no, then... What did you say you wanted for a starting salary?

Station Commander’s Log: Oh, right, the log recorder is out of power. I’m just talking to this wall. Which may be a sign of insanity.
This Wall: Ya think?

Teyla: Here we are in the old hiding place. Flirt with me shamelessly.
Sheppard: Okay. You like college football?
Teyla: What are you talking about?
Sheppard: Just breaking the ice, you know?
Teyla: “Breaking the Ice?” From Season One! Gods above, Major, doesn’t your society have any perception of the unspeakable?!
Wraith: Who dares discuss cheap imitations of mediocre episodes like “Terra Nova?”
Sheppard: Well, I see our galaxies share a common hatred of Bermaga, at least.
Wraith: And for creating that monster, we will punish all humanity, everywhere! Die!
Sheppard: I don’t suppose we can agree that Manny Coto’s a really cool guy?


TO BE CONTINUED...
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Last edited by Wowbagger; 10-15-2007 at 05:36 AM.
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Old 10-15-2007, 01:30 AM
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LAST TIME ON “STARGATE: ATLANTIS"… TECHNICALLY:
Weir: I’ll have the Aibo and the pie.
Sumner: We make salads on Thursdays.
Sheppard: I’ll have ice.
Teyla: I agree.
Sheppard: Cool.

AND NOW THE CONCLUSION:
Wraith: No, we can’t!
Lots of People: GOK!
Sheppard: Gok? Sounds Klingon.
Wraith: It’s a stand-in for GAK! we came up with for when somebody doesn’t really die, but is as good as dead, because they’re never getting any more screen time. Like when we beam them up. Like your Colonel Sumner here.
Sumner: GUK!
Sheppard: What the...?
Wraith: Don’t ask us.

Meta-Weir: Haha! Look at our title screen this week!
Meta-McKay: Yeah. Looks like somebody split the original two-hour episode in two, and then realized that neither the sequence for Part I or next week would work.
Meta-Wier: So they’re just showing us a random picture of the ocean for a minute thirty-eight while the music plays and the credits roll. Hilarious!
Meta-McKay: You really need to get out more.

McKay: We are seriously going to die here.
Deus Ex Machina: Hi! Just got off the set of “Twilight.” What was it you needed?
Weir: City. Out of the water.
Deus Ex Machina: Right. So you can fix your title sequence.
McKay: No, those are our meta-selves. Mostly right now it’s just concern for the plot; short series if we all die in the first episode.
Deus Ex Machina: I see your point. How will you be paying me?
Weir: Our entire effect budget for the next three months. Equal to one optical shot on Enterprise.

Station Commander’s Log: There goes our standard opening episode moving-the-immobile-station sequence. Back to brooding over my starship envy. And we didn’t even get a cool shot of Atlantis’s reaction control thrusters! Or a wormhole!

Weir: You don’t need a rescue mission. I’m sure Colonel Sumner is all right. I mean, what are the Wraith going to do, torture him?
Sheppard: Yes.
Weir: But... the Geneva Conventions!
Sheppard: Don’t apply to Russian smugglers.
(awkward silence)
Weir: You almost had me emotional there. And then the Disney reference.

Wraith: *growl*
Sumner: Hi, there. Wanna talk to me?
Wraith: No way. You GUKed, and now you scare us.

Weir: Okay, the address is four-two-A-space-nine-B.
Grodin: Got it. *telemetry comes back*
Weir: Whoa! When I said “space,” I was referring to the space bar. Not that kind of space.
Grodin: What? Sorry. I got a little spaced out there.
McKay: This is the scene our Canadian carrier network paid for, isn’t it?

Sheppard: This is Puddlejumper, ready for take-off.
Chase Masterson: (Voiceover) Thank you for flying TrekUnited. Please put out all cigarettes and make sure your life support indicators are all set to green. Have a pleasant flight!
Ford: And this was the scene those TrekUnited people paid for. Skrell, they’re everywhere! First they bother Paramount, then they trash every sci-fi board online, then they’re whining to SciFi about how they don’t have a place for the show... I mean, Phlox those stupid Phloxing Phloxers!
Sheppard: No kidding... say, you know what happened to my pink dancing elephant toy? Could have sworn it was right here...

Sheppard: Dude, this ship is reading my mind. Look. I ask for a pie, I get pie. It’s even Pecan! And... what’s this? ‘Please fund a fifth season of Enterprise?’ Oh, Phlox. Our own ship watches another show in our franchise’s time slot.
Ford: don’t look at thiS now, but A VidEo just appEared on this screeN. iT’s EnteRing PaRts of... I think it’s a Subliminal mEssage of some kind.

Sumner: Hey, is that food? Sweet! I haven’t eaten in hours!
Wraith: Since you’re the big brawny American male leader stereotype, you’re not actually supposed to eat any of this stuff.
Sumner: You have any hot dogs?
Wraith: The food is just there as a metaphor.
Sumner: Okay, how about burgers?
Wraith: IT’S A METAPHOR!
Sumner: I’ll take that as a no on the extra ketchup, then.

Teyla: Hi. We don’t have guards.
Sheppard: Skrell! *starts pacing and mumbling to self*
Teyla: What’s with him?
Ford: You don’t have any guards to fight, and the major is obsessed with proving himself as an action hero. We think it’s a hormonal imbalance.
Sheppard: I’ve got it! I’ll endanger myself, and, as the only person who can fly the Jumper out of here, I’ll put my whole team within an inch of being trapped here forever!
Ford: He’s a lot like General O’Neill... only dumber.

Wraith Female: Your world would make a great combination feeding ground/petting zoo.
Sumner: You’d use Earth as a source of food?!
Wraith Female: Yes. Evil, isn’t it?
Sumner: Aha! So the food isn’t really a metaphor, is it!
Wraith Female: Well... it’s, uh... it’s a simile!
Sumner: Oh, yeah? Well, then where’s your use of ‘like’ or ‘as’?
Wraith Female: I can’t believe I’m having this conversation. Put him in... the Comfy Chair!
Sumner: Ooo, well that’s very comfortable and all, but AHHHHHHH!
Wraith Female: I do tend to forget to mention that its full title is the Comfy Chair of Mind-Sucking Death Touch, but what’s four words between friends?

Wraith Female: For… Cardassia... GAK!
Sheppard: Oh, no! Now we’ll never know how she meant to finish her sentence!
Ford: The Wraith have psychic abilities, right?
Sheppard: Yes…
Ford: Then why don't you just ask one of the FOUR HUNDRED AND FORTY-SEVEN MILLION of them that YOU JUST WOKE UP!

Sheppard: Did you know you can shoot these darts down with small arms fire?
Ford: Thank you, sir. And, just to point out, this sentence brings my total to tie Travis Mayweather’s career line count.
Soldier: It’s still only the first episode.
Ford: And your point is...?

Sheppard: Okay, those ships could catch us in crossfire if we got too close to the Stargate. Looks like we’ll need to decloak, distract the Darts, and zoom away long enough to allow us to double back and jump through the Gate with minimum resistance.
Ford: Since all the Wraith ships are facing in one direction, wouldn’t it be easier to go around the other side of the Gate, dial it, let them fly around, and go through while they’re not looking?
Sheppard: Wait. Are you suggesting that space has 3-dimensions?

Aibo #2: Bark! Bark! Bark! GAK!
Wraith Dart: GAK!
Sheppard: It seems these dog-machines can be turned to our side of the Force. They could be a powerful asset to our cause.
Ford: They will join us or die, my master.

Station Commander’s Log: Well, we opened the Gate up for Lt. Ford and got strafed instead. Sadly, Colonel Sumner did not survive. We’re alone… on the other side of the universe… our most senior officer dead... But we did get Teyla instead of Neelix. So it’s not all bad.

Ford: Hey, dudes, it’s time to PARTAYYYY! Woot!
Weir: I see one universal constant is the presence of alcohol in local cuisine. Anyhow, Sheppard, you need a team. And you need a name.
Sheppard: Not to go with a specific theme or anything, but how about the “Bucks?” Or the “Cubs?” Or the “Niners?”
Weir: Actually, I was thinking of something that reflects your relative importance around here. Hence, “SG-17 and three quarters.” Or maybe, “The Clowns.” In any case, if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink.

(Dr. Weir opens the Ancient fridge and swoons at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Disclaimer: Atlantis (TM) is the intellectual property of Plato, Inc., (c) Several Hundred Years B.C.


...and that's it. Feedback welcomed. Any input for revisions is welcomed. And then I'll just edit it. Vadda-ving vadda-vang. Episode 2, "Thirty-Eight Minutes", will be published next "Sunday," at which time Paul McGillion will be executed purely for the authors' amusement. (Publishing date subject to forum ban/determination that these fivers cry out to God for reprisal against the author.)
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Last edited by Wowbagger; 10-15-2007 at 02:39 AM.
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Old 10-15-2007, 02:56 AM
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Ooooooooh-boy. Talk about the can of worms you just opened, Wowwy (hope you don't mind the nickname). Oh, I suppose that before I start, I'd better give a shout-out to Z and Nan about what the heck I'm doing in this forum section: circumstances have changed. And Wowbagger needs to know the situation.

Wowbagger, if you were to talk to Zeke, he'd tell you that Five-Minute Stargate is the eminent domain of Nan and the zombie-like exosite of such name. Granted, it went into a coma years before Atlantis was even conceived of. Even so, I'd really suggest staying away from Stargate altogether until this situation is resolved. When it does, in one form or another, you will hear about it. Mainly because (hopefully) I'll be gushing up and down all of the walls of this forum about how much better my new fivers will be.

Oh, and I didn't just PM Wowwy because I didn't want anybody else fiving Stargate at all until the situation is resolved. Feel free to e-mail Zeke and Nan and ask for fiving rights, if you're feeling bold.
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Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

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Old 10-15-2007, 03:22 AM
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I've just completed a quick websearch for what parts of Five-Minute Stargate might still exist out there. The results:

1. The movie fiver is still here. Duh.
2. Aussie Mel (one of the original Stargate fivists from WAY back) keeps her stuff on her own page.
3. Someone I've never heard of did his own "unauthorized" version of Season Eight on his page. That's not an official fiver.

That's it. All of the official 5MSG sites (we've had about three) are now unaccessable. One of the Voyager Virtual Season sites used to hold a backup archive of the site (minus the last batch of about six fivers), but that's gone too. If you want to read my fivers you can e-mail for copies of them, but other than that, I suppose you'll have to ask Nan.
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 10-15-2007, 03:47 AM
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Wait... what?

These are just fiver fan fics. Non-canon fivers. Fiver drafts, even. Not real fivers. Certainly not to be published. Not even publishable--I mean, look at the phloxing quality. (Hint: it's not very high.)

I just want to get these old and unapproved fivers off my hard drive after four years of sitting there and (hopefully) give you on the forums a couple of good laughs while I'm 're at it. I've also got a couple of random VG fivers and some partial Lost episodes. What I am not out to do is start any kind of a forum fight or bring back any nasty memories from the waning days of 5MSG. Nor is this a veiled attempt to try to get Zeke to publish these. No. Just read 'em and laugh if you care to. I want them out of my head forever. Sorry for any confusion or controversy I may (Vroomfondel: or may not!) have caused.

So... did you think this was at all funny? *bends over head, hopes for ear-scratching*

Oh, also... everyone calls me Wowwy these days. I started modding at Bridge Commander Files (BCS:TNG be mah peeps, yo), and my nickname was most definitely shortened by my peers. So have at it.
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Last edited by Wowbagger; 10-15-2007 at 03:49 AM.
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Old 10-15-2007, 05:02 AM
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I'm not really going to judge the "worthiness" of these fivers. After all, they're better than my Ocarina of Time fiver and that's "real." I'm just saying that they're not "official."

If you want to disperse old fanfics, that's what e-mail and PMs are for.

Daniel Jackson: Cameo! I can’t go with you because I have that whole bit with the Replicators this season, but take a look at this eight-cypher Gate Key.

Those aren't cyphers, those are glyphs (those symbols engraved on the Gate) or chevrons (those giant V-shaped things that clamp and unclamp the glyphs).

Weir: Obnoxious yet adorable scientific team!
McKay and Beckett: Check.

McKay adorable? That's just disturbing.

Sheppard: Canadian lies! We all know that Milo saved Atlantis from the Russians. Power was never a problem.
(awkward silence)
Weir: ...Major, this isn’t the Disney movie.
Sheppard: Sure it isn’t. Look, there’s Milo now.
Zelenka: Why are you pointing at me?

Okay, this one's cute. I was neither the first nor the last to notice the simularities between Stargate: SG-1 and Atlantis: The Lost Empire in general nor Daniel and Milo in particular. That doesn't mean that it can't be a good joke.

Station Commander’s Log: Oh, right, the log recorder is out of power. I’m just talking to this wall.

I would've added "This may be a sign of insanity" followed by the wall saying "ya think?" but that's much too obvious of a joke.

Lots of People: GOK!
Sheppard: Gok? Sounds Klingon.
Wraith: It’s a stand-in for GAK! we came up with for when somebody doesn’t really die, but is as good as dead, because they’re never getting any more screen time.

Cute Klingon joke, but I'm still adamant that anything short of death is Ack!

Sumner: GUK!
Sheppard: What the...?
Wraith: Don’t ask us.

This one's good, though.

Disclaimer: Atlantis (TM) is the intellectual property of Plato, Inc., (c) Several Hundred Years B.C.

Har har har.
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 10-15-2007, 05:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nate the Great View Post
I'm not really going to judge the "worthiness" of these fivers. After all, they're better than my Ocarina of Time fiver and that's "real." I'm just saying that they're not "official."

If you want to disperse old fanfics, that's what e-mail and PMs are for.
Well, I like that idea, except that my emails and PM's have a terrific talent for going unanswered. And thus no soul ever sees them. And thus they're stuck on my chest.

I appreciate the comment about your quite enjoyable OOT fiver, though. I fear you sell yourself short, though.

Quote:
Daniel Jackson: Cameo! I can’t go with you because I have that whole bit with the Replicators this season, but take a look at this eight-cypher Gate Key.

Those aren't cyphers, those are glyphs (those symbols engraved on the Gate) or chevrons (those giant V-shaped things that clamp and unclamp the glyphs).
You're right. To be totally precise, I should have used the word from the script: "symbol."

Quote:
I would've added "This may be a sign of insanity" followed by the wall saying "ya think?" but that's much too obvious of a joke.
Actually, I quite like that. That's going in there.

Quote:
Cute Klingon joke, but I'm still adamant that anything short of death is Ack!
Or, as IJD would have it, "TACK!"

Thanks, Nate. After four years, another human soul has read the fruits of my labors! Hoorah!
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Old 10-15-2007, 06:19 AM
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One day I'm going to have to sit down and write a REAL Ocarina fiver. Sure, it has some nice jokes, but I was trying to hard to stick to the plot. Plus, in lieu of the dungeons (which aren't exactly fivable), I should've added more scenes based on sidequests.

You remind me of Jim Wright, who once said (in his review of Bride of Chaotica, if I'm not mistaken)"oh frabjous day! Calooh, calay! Captain Proton saved the day!"
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 10-15-2007, 11:56 PM
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Default I know little about Stargate and less about Sg:Atlantis, but . . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wowbagger View Post
Beckett: I am so afraid of this chair.
Weir: Great. We were just having problems coming up with B-plots. I’ll sign you up on chair duty for... how’s the rest of the season sound?
A bit wordy, perhaps, but far be it from me to quibble on those grounds.

Quote:
Aibo #1: Bark! Bark! Bark! GAK!
O’Neill: Curmudge, curmudge, curmudge.
Sheppard: I find it foreboding how that Aibo is numbered.
Sheppard took the words right out of my mouth!



Quote:
Lots of People: GOK!
Sheppard: Gok? Sounds Klingon.
Wraith: It’s a stand-in for GAK! we came up with for when somebody doesn’t really die, but is as good as dead, because they’re never getting any more screen time. Like when we beam them up. Like your Colonel Sumner here.
Sumner: GUK!
Sheppard: What the...?
Wraith: Don’t ask us.
A bit contrived, maybe, but far be it from me to quibble too much on those grounds . The pay-off is amusing enough for me.

And then the 'You GUKed, and now you scare us' bit and next couple of paragraphs or so were silly, too.
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Old 10-16-2007, 02:41 AM
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For me, the word guk will forever be associated with Phil Farrand's review of Who Watches the Watchers in The Nitpicker's Guide for Next Generation Trekkers. He argues that as proto-Vulcans, the Mintakans should have green blood, so when Picard is wounded by the arrow they should've said "What's that red guck coming out of the wound?" You can count on Phil to chainsaw apart the story logic whenever possible.
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Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 10-16-2007, 04:12 AM
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ZOMG... other people read the Nitpicker's Guides?

That's awesome. Really.
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Old 10-16-2007, 05:06 AM
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Hey, of course! I own all four Trek Nitpicker's Guides. I've visited Nitpicker Central here on the web often. As a mark of celebration, here are some classic Nitpicker's Guide quotes!

After capturing the first ever view of the Romulans, Spock’s eyebrows rise in amazement. No wonder. His father commands the Romulan vessel! Just joking.

This episode purports that in 1993, a group of genetically engineered humans took over forty nations. I must have been watching Star Trek that day because I completely missed it.

After setting course for Talos, time warp factor seven, the creators overlay the bridge action with a star field and music. This gives the impression that the Enterprise is rocketing through space. Since the music is drowning out any possibility of conversation, the navigator gives Pike a hand signal to indicate that they have achieved warp factor seven. A hand signal? On the Enterprise? Someone needs to turn the music down.

It sure seems like “God” could have parked a little closer. It’s not as if the lot was full or anything.

This Enterprise has phasers in the galley. Now, there’s an incentive for the cooks to do a good job!

True, the Enterprise does a lot of mapping missions, but somehow I thought “boldly going” would be a little more exciting than this.

The Borg, again? For the season finale, again!?

In other words, Data–in the middle of a ferocious battle–decides to rid himself of the wall panel by putting it back where he found it instead of throwing it down on the floor, as a human would. In some ways, he really is superior.

As nitpicker David M. Blakeman pointed out (on the idea of showing the danger of a rift by making one), “That’s like protesting the possible danger from a nuclear power plant by causing a nuclear meltdown yourself! What’s next? Smokey Bear starting forest fires so we can see how bad they are?”

I can just imagine what the high-muck-a-muck admiral back at Headquarters will say when she reads this report. “Okay, let me get this straight. Captain Picard expects us to believe that he saved the human race, but none of us can recall the incident. I suppose the next thing you’re going to tell me is that he wants a medal for it!”

Is Harriman’s ability to command getting delivered on Tuesday as well?

La Forge asks, “Are you finished?” Pulaski nods, and La Forge replaces the VISOR. Pulaski NODS? To the blind guy? And he responds?

Picard probably reduces his stress level by “zooming” the Stargazer around his office, making the sounds of the warp drive and weapons systems in the process. Of course, when someone “dweedles” at his door, the captain must hurredly replace the model, jump behind the desk, and assume a more somber posture. It’s understandable that he doesn’t always get it facing in the proper direction.

Mintakans are supposedly proto-Vulcan, right? According to Classic Trek, Vulcan blood is copper-based and therefore...green! The Mintakans should say, “What is that red guck coming out of the wound?”

Worf announces to Riker and La Forge that the communicators are now “disfunctional.” I can just imagine the talk show featuring this topic. “Today on Sally Geraldo Raffariviera, ‘Disfunctional Communicators: Their Family Background and Why They Fail to Perform When Sitting on a Klingon’s Chesk.’ You’ll hear about their pain. You’re learn the deep inner turmoil they experience as victims in a technology-on-demand universe. And, most of all, you as the audience will be able to ask a bunch of really stupid questions.”

Worf was raised by heavily accented Russian foster parents, right? So why doesn’t he speak like Pavel Chekov?

[In “Shades of Grey] Pulaski evoked negative emotions in Riker by making him recall a series of bad experiences on the Enterprise, thereby boring some microbes to death. I’m sorry, that was catty. I simply do not like flashback shows.

If I remember correctly, when a warp core collapses, bad things happen. Sure wish Commander Deanna Troi was around so I could find out for certain.

It’s a minor point, but, hey, aren’t they all?
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Old 10-16-2007, 07:48 PM
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Good gracious, is it ever amusing that you actually went to the trouble to post those. Wow. I remember about half of them. Great pleasure to re-read them, though.

Incidentally... was The Creator Is Always Right in one of the Guides? I've often tried referencing it in canon arguments only to get blank stares, I'd love to be certain of where it came from.
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Old 10-16-2007, 11:47 PM
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Well, when you've already got all this stuff (and more!) in a word file, copy and pasting the best stuff into a post really isn't that hard. Give me credit for typing the thing out with the book next to me in the first place.

I'm not sure about TCIAR. However, as Phil responded to allegations that Roddenberry himself tried to decanonize The Final Frontier (approx. quote): "They spent a lot of money publicizing it. They're still selling it. They're still making money off of it. IT'S CANONICAL!" I suppose similar arguements could be made in favor of canonizing TAS.
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Old 10-18-2007, 12:35 PM
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Subsites are irrelevant. This fiver will be assimillated into the Canon. Objection is futile.

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Old 10-18-2007, 07:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chancellor Valium View Post
Subsites are irrelevant. This fiver will be assimillated into the Canon. Objection is futile.

( )
Don't you mean "Objection sucks?"
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Old 10-19-2007, 12:41 AM
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I hope you're kidding, CV. I'd have to sic Nan on you if you weren't.
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Old 10-21-2007, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
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I hope you're kidding, CV. I'd have to sic Nan on you if you weren't.
Impossible - Nan is a natural force, impossible to control.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wowbagger
Don't you mean "Objection sucks?"
>_><_<

Yes.
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Old 10-21-2007, 06:44 PM
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Doesn't mean I can't try.
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Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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