February 17

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Mara: Husband, these Federation cowards have tricked us all!
Kang: And this cake is dry! And horribly unjust!
Mara: Then it's settled -- we shall have our revenge!
Chekov: Man... what was I thinking when I volunteered my quarters for backup brig duty? All for a lousy rent discouyaaaAAAGH!

Poor Chekov. He's the O'Brien of TOS.

Captain's Log: Mmmmm.... justice.

GREAT justice.

Scotty: Any sign of the Klingons?
Sulu: No sir, all clear.
Scotty: Then what's that?
Sulu: That's just a diversion.
Dii'Virjun: Attack!

*blert*

*wiping off monitor*

Computer: Lifeform is pure energy of an unknown type. Potentially kinetic.

I always approve of science jokes. The fact that I'm about to disembowel you should not reflect on this. *g*

Spock: Um, that was an experiment. I was joking.
Kirk: Haha, good one! You die now.
(THUMP)

Captain's Log: I seem to have been asleep for several hours now. And I awoke with a strange craving for things that aren't justice cake.

*snicker*

Should this justice cake be something I recognise?

Kirk: So, we're going to try the intro for once? Alright. Space... the final fronti--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaaa...
Kirk: Ahem. As I was saying, these are the voyages of the Starship Enterpri--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaa...
Kirk: Who are you?
Woman: Waa?
Kirk: See? This is why we always skip these.

This is the first time I've ever seen someone five the opening credits.

Spock: Before we go outside, let us make sure there is actually air to breathe.
Kirk: (whisper) Ladies and gentlemen, we've replaced Spock's tricorder with a Speak-And-Spell. Let's see if he notices.
Spock: Captain, the air outside is composed of nitrogen, oxygen, and COW.
Kirk: COW?
Spock: Yes, sir, so we can mooo-ve on out.

IJD, this is Vedra. Vedra, IJD. He'll be joining you in disembowelment today.

Kirk: Did anybody else feel that?
Spock: What, Captain?
Kirk: The cold breath of copyright infringement breathing down our necks.

Quick, disclaim things!

Companion: I'm sorry, time's up, but here's a consolation prize -- eternity on a planet of only men.
Kirk: COMPANIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

This joke's getting a very thorough airing this week.

Well done, both of you.

(...lithospheric anomaly, indeed.)