Block 19 - Temet nosce

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Oracle: I have some good news and some bad news.
Neo: What's the bad news?
Oracle: You are going to die. Have a cookie.
Neo: Duh! So what is the good news.
Oracle: I won the lottery! See ya![/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Neo: You're the Oracle?
Oracle: That's what they call me. *beat* Well, that's what Morpheus calls me.
Neo: What does everyone else call you?
Oracle: Helga.

Next time I'm stuck on a scene, I'm going to scavenge my ICQ chatlogs. Except to see this recycled into a future fiver when you guys don't vote for it.[/colorost_uid0]

[g-blatt]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Neo: Hi I'm Neo and I'm the One.
Oracle: no you're not.
Neo: You lie.
Oracle: No youÂ’re just in denial.
Neo: I'm not in denial I'm just highly selective of which reality I believe in.
Oracle: Your also gonna die today. Have a cookie.
Neo: Is it poison?
Oracle: What do I look like, a magic 8 ball?[/colorost_uid0]

[dsbs]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I really liked:

[quoteost_uid0]Neo: You're the Oracle?
Oracle: That's what they call me. Well, that's what Morpheus calls me.
Neo: What does everyone else call you?
Oracle: Helga.[/quoteost_uid0]

[quoteost_uid0]Oracle: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."
Neo: Oh, well then I'm glad I couldn't read it. Is it Latin?
Oracle: No, that's English.[/quoteost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like JobeGDG's scene a lot so far.

[quoteost_uid0="g-blatt"][quoteost_uid0]*Slaps forehead*

That's where I've heard it before!
[/quoteost_uid0]

heard what before?[/quoteost_uid0]

It's a quote from the Simpsons, and where I had heard the mane Richard Simmons before.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]That gives me an idea, g-blatt...



Neo: Am I the One?
Oracle: Er, no. Now listen up, I've got news for you. Either you or Super Ohm is going to die.
Neo: Which one?
Oracle: "Which one?" How should I know? Look, just have a cookie and scram.
Neo: Um, oookay. Er, it isn't poisoned or anything, is it?
Oracle: What's with all the questions? Do I look like a Magic 8 Ball to you?[/colorost_uid0]

[JobeGDG]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like the eight-ball line. But I'd add a follow-upÂ…

Oracle: Do I look like a Magic Eight Ball to you?
Neo: HmmÂ… Signs point to yes.[/colorost_uid0]

[dsbs]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]what about "ask again later"[/colorost_uid0]

[g-blatt]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Neo: Hi I'm Neo and I'm the One.
Oracle: no you're not.
Neo: You lie.
Oracle: No youÂ’re just in denial.
Neo: I'm not in denial I'm just highly selective of which reality I believe in.
Oracle: Your also gonna die today. Have a cookie.
Neo: Is it poison?
Oracle: What do I look like, a magic 8 ball?
Neo: Ask again later.[/colorost_uid0]

[dsbs]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]witch - which

otherwise, I like it but still like the ones I mentioned earlier. Whatever, I'll be good with whatever it ends op as.[/colorost_uid0]

[Trip]

[quoteost_uid0="JobeGDG"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Oracle: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."
Neo: Oh, well then I'm glad I couldn't read it. Is it Latin?
Oracle: No, I'm afraid that's English. Geez, what could Trinity possibly see in a doofus like you?
Neo: Trini-who?
Oracle: Â…How about you just concentrate on eating this cookie?[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like this line.

- Trip[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] Neo, you're not the One.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Damn.
[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] Also, I'd like you to die painfully. Um, for Morpheus's sake.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Okay. Damn.
[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] But we [iost_uid0]do[/iost_uid0] have some lovely consolation prizes for you. Here, have a cookie.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Can I have two?
[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] No.

[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] [GRANDMOTHERLY]Hi, Neo. Have a cookie.[/GRANDMOTHERLY]
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Um, are you speaking in BBCode?
[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] [BLATANT LIE]Of course not. Also, you're not the One.[/BLATANT LIE]

[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] Hmmm... Let's see if you're the One or not. Don't worry - if you're not the One, at least you'll get a cookie.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Ooooooo! Can I just take the cookie?

[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] Sorry, Neo. You're not the One.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] I'm not? But Morpheus was so sure...
[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] I pronounce you... the Eon.

I was particularly fond of this one line:
[quoteost_uid0]Oracle: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."[/quoteost_uid0]

But a lot of the other stuff was great, too.

Trip, am I mistaken, or have we yet another newcomer? Awright! Welcome aboard. [/colorost_uid0]

[Pteryx]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][bost_uid0]Oracle[/bost_uid0]: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."
[bost_uid0]Neo[/bost_uid0]: Uh-oh. ...Hey, a cookie jar! *smash* Double uh-oh.
[bost_uid0]Oracle[/bost_uid0]: Oh, take a cookie from the rubble and don't worry about it. I was going to replace that old thing anyway.[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[quoteost_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Trip, am I mistaken, or have we yet another newcomer? Awright! Welcome aboard. [/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]There's a Trip on the member list, but whether it's the same one or not...[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I had an idea this morning, but I'm afraid I lost it in the miasma of molecular cloning I did today. Hell, I can't even read my own advice to Nic about reading the forum subsections from opposite ends without thinking about restriction endonucleases and exonucleases.

It had Neo and the Oracle in it. That's about all I remember. I'll post it when it comes back to me.[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]It had Neo and the Oracle in it. That's about all I remember.[/quoteost_uid0]

I could be wrong, but I think somebody did that one already.

::ducks::[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]::aims the projectile low::

[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] So, am I the One?
[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] No, you are TEH NEO.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] [iost_uid0]Right.[/iost_uid0] I forgot.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Oracle: [GRANDMOTHERLY]Hi, Neo. Have a cookie.[/GRANDMOTHERLY]
Neo: Um, are you speaking in BBCode?
Oracle: [BLATANT LIE]Of course not. Also, you're not the One.[/BLATANT LIE]
[/quoteost_uid0]

Actually, I really really liked this one. Had me in convulsionsstitches.[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Far from the best, but...

[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] Hi, Neo. Watch out for that vase.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] OK.
[iost_uid0](Awkward Pause)[/iost_uid0]
[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] All right, just for that, you're not the One.

[bost_uid0]Oracle:[/bost_uid0] Hi, Neo. Don't worry about the vase.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] What va--
[bost_uid0]Vase:[/bost_uid0] CRASH!
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Cool. Can I do the TV set next?[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]^Heheheh.


I would prefer "All signs point to yes" over "Ask again later" if we were to use that joke. Although the second phrase is funny too, the first one is more instantly recognizable and reflects Neo's fived attitude toward the Oracle more accurately.


Also, if we use the "You're not the One. More like the One-Tenth" joke, it seems more keeping in touch with 5MV's original purpose to change One-Tenth to One-Twelfth. [/colorost_uid0]