December 28: Five-Minute Breaking Bad

[Zeke]

Merry Christmas! And welcome back, so to speak. You've probably been wondering where I disappeared to when our tenth-anniversary celebration seemed to be going so well. And indeed, it was. I was having a great time with the event, and I was determined not to go MIA for once unless something truly huge came up.

Well, as it turned out, something did. I got accepted to the PhD program in pure math at my alma mater, Carleton University. I'm absolutely thrilled to be back in academia -- but when you've been away for a couple of years, transferring all your mental energy from potential to kinetic is hard work. And while I wanted to get the site back on track, getting my career back on track was a much higher priority. I was even too busy to update on my birthday, which I really like doing. (I'll have to settle for today being the 28th, which is the age I turned. Sigh.)

Don't get the wrong idea -- I'm not quitting 5M.net. RL just had to come first for a while. And if it has to do so again, it will. That's the deal. But right now, I'm finally in a position to ease the site back into my regimen.

XAW will resume next update. Before that, though, I've got something special for you. Not only is this a fiver for a show we've never so much as mentioned here, it's also written in a way I've never tried before. It is...

Five-Minute Breaking Bad (the pilot episode)

I decided to check out the show recently since I'd heard good things about it (suspiciously good things; it was setting off my overhype alarms). By the third scene or so, I was getting so many fiver ideas I had to start writing them down. And I wound up going through the whole episode this way, watching a few scenes at a time and then fiving them. It's the first fiver I've ever written completely blind -- not just unfamilar with the show, but unaware even what would happen next.

It's an experiment. For a show about chemistry, I figure that's appropriate. You'll probably get more out of it if you've seen the episode, but what else is new? Enjoy!

[Derek]

Boss: Hey Walter, go lug some more needlessly heavy cleaning solution to —
Walter: Know what? Know what? I quit! Get your own damn solution!
Boss: Geez. What'd I do to precipitate that?

Boss is just lucky he wasn't assalted.

Great fiver, Zeke. Haven't seen the show (though I've heard it talked up as well). Did you like it?

Oh, and congrats on the Doctoral program! And happy birthday!

[Nate the Great]

I'm just passing by to stamp my "acknowledge I was here" timecard...

Move along, nothing to see here...

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Pinkman: Are you sure? This is really kind of a crummy job. The hours are crazy, people hate you, you can blow yourself up if you're not careful...
Walter: Believe me, none of that is new to me.

Speaking as a chemistry educator...HAH!

Walter: Chemistry! Chemistry is life and death! It is the air we breathe and the water we drink! It is all aspects of the very world around... why aren't you kids paying attention?
Student: Why do you give this same speech every morning?

Shaddap, kid, chemistry is awesome. Now slog your way through this ICE chart and accompanying quadratic equation.

THree Weeks EarLier
(Most Viewers: Huh?)

Hydrogen, Tungsten, Lithium? I suppose it could be a tungsten hydride of some sort.

Nice job, Zeke, although I couldn't follow half of what was going on since I haven't actually seen the show.

[NAHTMMM]

Congratulations, Zeke!

Party Guests: SURPRISE!
Walter: Honey, you know how I showed you that study about people dying of heart attacks on large birthdays? Remember what the key correlating factor was?
Skyler: When you were one hour late, I still cared about that. After three, I stopped.

Walter: What the –? That was Pinkman! I'd know that flamenco soundtrack anywhere!

Thug: Ha ha, look at that crutch kid. The crutches mean he's stupid. And a nerd. They're for holding up his big stupid nerd brain. Furthermore —
Walter: *kicks him from behind*
Thug: OW! My logical arguments! You defeated them with your adult violence!

*cumulative snerk*

Gun: *click*
Walter: Oh, so now I get good at Russian roulette.

This deserves to be a sig line.

[Nate the Great]

*Tap tap tap* Is this thing on?

An update is needed, Z. Schoolwork more than you were expecting? Just joined an exciting new club? Got a new girlfriend? What?